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Kountry Life Humor

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Southernese

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't 'HAVE' them, you 'PITCH' them. _____

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up 'a mess.' _____

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of'yonder.' _____

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long 'directly' is, ... as in; 'Going to town, be back directly.' _____

Even Southern babies know that 'Gimme some sugar' is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. _____

All Southerners know exactly when 'by and by' is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. _____

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'! _____

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between 'right near' and 'a right far piece.' They also know that 'just down the road' can be 1 mile or 20. _____

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. _____

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. _____

A Southerner knows that 'fixin'' can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

_____

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're 'in line,' ... we talk to everybody! _____

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. _____

In the South, y'all is singular, .. all y'all is plural.

_____

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. _____

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. _____

When you hear someone say, 'Well, I caught myself lookin',' you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! _____

Only true Southerners say 'sweet tea' and 'sweet milk.' Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. 'Sweet milk' means you don't want buttermilk. _____

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, 'Bless her heart' . and go your own way. _____

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness; Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart! _____ And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernese as a second language! _____

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads 'I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.'

Bless your hearts, . y'all have a blessed day.

Submitted By: Pure Country Girl from WV on 2006-08-20

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