Posted 03-03-2004 at 03:36:08
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I'm sorry about the hit and run posting but the only time I have on this thing is an hour or so when I get up Mon-Wed. So if I don't answer it's simply cause I'm not here.
I gotta tell ya'll about Donna from work. She does the cleaning and helps put the paper together. She does the little easy jobs that no one else has time to do. Donna is between thirty and forty years old. Even people who've known her for years aren't sure how old she is, and she doesn't know either. Donna is mentally challenged. Kinda. I say kinda because she couldn't tell you what day her birthday is, or how old she is, or how to spell her last name, but she can manipulate, lie, cheat and fenagle to put any con man to shame.
I was not warned about Donna on my first day at work. As a result, within an hour of crossing paths with her, she had me doing her job. Lol! She convinced me to loan her a pack of cigarettes and two dollars for lunch before you could say boo. She also was working on arranging for me to pick her up and drop her off at home before and after work, when one of the other girls (Blondie) figured out what she was up to and raked her over the coals. Then Blondie pulled me off to the side...
"Don't do NUTHIN for her. Don't give her anything, don't help her, if you do, you'll never shake her."
I swallowed around the lump in my throat thinking of the two dollars and the cigarettes and knowing that I was now doomed where it concerns Donna.
Besides being mentally challenged Donna is hygeine challenged. That's right. She stinks to the nth degree. Brings tears to your eyes standing next to her, and even though she'll wear out your patience and everybody is wise to her cons, nobody would think of hurting her feelings, and this is where small town life once again makes me smile and gives me a warm feeling.
Yesterday, the boss snuck in before Donna got there, with two bars of soap. It is a well known fact that Donna can't pass up a freebie. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it's free, and the general consensus is, if someone came in giving away free bags of poop, Donna wouldn't rest until she had at least two or three to take home with her.
I wondered how he was going to approach Donna without hurting her feelings as regards the soap. I didn't have to wait long.
"I want you to look what I have here." Boss announced, indicating the two bars of soap on the paper folding table.
"Whut is dat?" Donna demanded, sensing a freebie and wanting to be first in line. The rest of us gathered around just for show.
"Well a man came around here handing out free soap, and I got some, but I've got these left over..."
A cobra could not strike as fast as Donna and that is the God's honest truth. Quick as a wink she had one bar in each hand.
"We wan' sum!" Donna always speaks of herself in the plural sense. "We like sum' sope!"
"Well, there's a catch." Boss said, and Donna's face fell like a souffle when someone opens the oven door too soon.
"Wha' yu meen...wha yu meen...we like sum sope...we wan' sum sope!"
She was devastated at the thought of having to earn it in some way that was beyond her ability.
"Well, the man said he wouldn't bring any more if we didn't use it. That's what he said, we have to use it. Everyday." He warned. "So if you take it, you have to use it."
Like most mentally challenged individuals, Donna has a very good grasp and a healthy respect for rules. The relief on her face was palpable.
"Oh...we gonna use it, we will use this sope! He not gonna worry about that...we use it everyday!" Donna assured boss.
"Well, he said that if you bring in the scraps when you've used them up, he'll bring in some more."
Boss had just delegated himself to buying bar soap for Donna for the rest of her natural days and he didn't care. The end justified the means and it was worth it to him for her to smell fresh on a daily basis. He11, everybody will contribute before it's over and I heard talk of bringing in shampoo and bath gels and even perfume.
Donna was ecstatic.
"We gonna use this sope, we use it all up and get some mo' free sope!"
The boss walked away satisfied, and there was some general chuckling and I wondered if I was the only one who was worried about Donna using the soap to wash her dog and still coming in to work smelling like a longshoreman after a hard day's work. After all, nobody said she had to use it on herself. I guess we'll find out in a few days.(grin)