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To add your comments to this topic, click on one of the 'Reply' links below. ain't mine!!
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Patria    Posted 03-05-2004 at 13:56:22       [Reply]  [No Email]
That's what my uncle Toņo told my aunt Luisa two weeks ago.
You see, they are both 85 years old and being married forever. If he had a comp with internet I bet he'd be here telling the stories he has collected through the years. Loves to tell jokes but he knows better than to tell them in front of titi Luisa. Until not too long ago he used to have cows, pigs, chickens and you name it, to make ends meet. Had a bar in his younger days and then worked as a butcher for a supermarket for many years. I remember they way he would woo the lady clients while serving their orders.
Although they have been caught by old age's ailments they still take care of themselfs and do their own housekeeping. Titi Luisa naggs at him from sunrise to sundawn but he's a real 'gentleman' and plays deaf.:-)
I love them dearly and try to help them with whatever they need, so I take them to all their doctors appointments, lab's tests, groceries, shopping, visit friends and relatives. They have a son but his live-in girlfriend has an ongoing court case with his son and nobody's paying attention to toņo and titi Luisa, many weeks will go by and neither are checking on them. The old couple even paid the $6,000 for their grandson's bail, from a loan they had to take.
Anyway, to make the story even longer, two weeks ago I took them to do their groceries and I saw that he got in the cart a bottle of rum. I know she doesn't want him to drink because of his health so I looked to the other side and said nothing. She didn't notice because he hid it under the rest of the groceries. When they were home she was checking the receipt and found a charge for the rum, so she asked him. This time I was the one playing deft and went home. The day after he came over to bring me something and told me "hey, those ppl at the supermarket are crazy, charging me for something I did not buy". I still didn't know what to say, how to react to that because I knew he had bought the rum but I really thought she didn't believe him one bit.
Today we were doing their groceries again and my aunt said "we gotta watch out for this girl at the cashier, they are charging stuff we don't buy". He didn't buy rum today, but I know he will buy it in the local store when I take him tomorrow to buy milk and fresh bread, he'll buy one every time we go there.
I mean, I know he's old and that might be the only goodie he endulges[?] himself in.
And I don't ever see him drunk, although he seems to be drinking a lot because I'm there when he's buying it.
They are in great heartache with their son and grandson's criminal case. My husband tells me "baby, he's 85!, let him have some fun.."
I tell you, this is waking me up in the middle of the night with thoughts of him being rushed to the hospital because of the booze..
Been meaning to post this for weeks now, starting to write it and deleating again. Haven't told the family because I don't think it would be wise. But now that I'm about to hit the post link, I ask you to please tell me what do you think about this. What should I do?
Am I drowning in a glass of water?
I will greatly apreciate any input about this.


cowgirlj    Posted 03-05-2004 at 18:10:19       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Hello Patria. Have you talked to him? I think you should let him know your concerns and leave it at that. It sounds like they are still of fairly good health and sound minds and are quite capable still,to making decissions for themselves. Just have a private talk with him and tell him how much you love and care for them and how you feel about his drinking. You'll feel better, and he will have something to think about.

deadcarp    Posted 03-05-2004 at 16:23:59       [Reply]  [No Email]
When my gramma was alive, she spent 23 years in the nursing home and always made room for her signer sewing machine and a big ragbag in her room. What i didn't know was that she'd give mom money so she could always have a big bottle of wine stashed in that ragbag, and once the nurses did their final bedcheck for the day, she'd go pour herself a swig. If he's over 40 his ways are set anyway so i say give the fella room and humor him.:)

JMHO    Posted 03-05-2004 at 15:09:47       [Reply]  [No Email]
Is he buying it like,,a fifth every other day? Or maybe just one every week or so. Was he a heavy drinker when younger. If he is not a heavy drinker it probably won't hurt him but rum is one of the worst drinks you can partake of. I know of a man who once drank 20 bucks worth of rum and coke at a quarter apiece in the EM club at Danang. Nearly killed him. Took 8 units of blood to get him stabilized. To this day he does not drink rum.
Let him know you know about it, might keep him from having too much. Be careful about how you talk to him, don't condemn him for it, just let him know you are concerned. Don't let him use it as a crutch. You might bring it up jokingly with her also, she may be trying to hide it from you. Some older folks just don't like the younger folks to know whats going on even when it is nothing to get all excited about. Maybe try to get him to switch to something less harmful.
Ron,ar (who 30 years ago nearly ruined his innards with White Castle Philippine rum.)

Patria    Posted 03-05-2004 at 15:27:06       [Reply]  [No Email]
oh ok, I see what you mean..
He buys a fifth every two weeks, and about 3 of the small ones the second week.
He used to be a heavy drinker, by that I mean like every day about five or six shots, I think.
But very seldom saw him drunk.
He seems to trust me, I'll keep a closer look on him.
If I should talk to him about it it would be in a calm way, don't pay attention to Cindi about that 'sharp tonge' she acuses me of having.LOL
Thanks Ron

Clipper    Posted 03-05-2004 at 14:02:10       [Reply]  [No Email]
Long as he ain't going on a tear with the rum and ripping up the place or hurting anybody I'd say let a 85 year old man do just as he pleases with the rum. It might just be that the little he is drinking is a stress reliever for him.And what the heck do Doctor's know anyway? Every one of em that has yakked at me is now planted in the ground and I'm still giving it what for. :^)

Patria    Posted 03-05-2004 at 15:06:20       [Reply]  [No Email]
no Clipper, he doesn't seem to get drunk, just cheerful but he has to keep it low in front of her:-)

Cindi    Posted 03-05-2004 at 14:22:41       [Reply]  [No Email]
He's earned the right in my opinion to indulge in a little harmless tippling. Like Clip says, if he's not being mean, then why not. If he's eighty five, his wife can't be far behind and they got all this way without anybody helping them make decisions for them, right?

He's probably eternally grateful to you for not ratting him out, and if his health suffers for it, you are not to blame. If he wants it bad enough he'll find a way to get it, and probably has all along, you just happened to be there to witness it this time. I would say relax, and let him do as he wishes. It may be a phase too. I will go months without drinking alcohol, and then on a whim, like yesterday, I bought two prepared margaritas. They're still in the fridge but I think I'll drink them tonight.

Patria    Posted 03-05-2004 at 15:11:25       [Reply]  [No Email]
He's cooking most of the times while she's on her recliner watching tv. Her diabetis has made her circulation so bad that she's suffering from celutitis on both her legs. The last doc we saw has been the most effective in treating this condition and her legs are looking much better, although she has to walk with one of those 'walkers'?.
So while he's in the kitchen, he takes a shot every now and then..:-)

Cindi    Posted 03-05-2004 at 15:29:44       [Reply]  [No Email]
Yeah, that sounds harmless to me. Like I said girl, if he doesn't get it when you're around, he'll get it when you're not around.

Fern(Mi)    Posted 03-05-2004 at 14:53:32       [Reply]  [No Email]

I too will lift a glass to them.
I like the married forever part.
I got to wait another five yrs before Clink will tell if our relationship will last.
Dern woman ain't gonna let me know anymore about her than she's ready to reveal?
Meanwhile Patria, are you open to adoption. You sound like just what`I' need to take care of me in my old age?
God Bless and may all your memories be happy ones.

Patria    Posted 03-05-2004 at 15:17:47       [Reply]  [No Email]
I would adopt you only if you swear you'll gonna be as fun as those two are when we are in public places. Sometimes I have to look at ppl with a pardon-our-parade-kind-of-look..hehe
She walks veeeeery slowly, while he drags me all over the place in a rush, repeating himself over and over again..

Fern(Mi)    Posted 03-05-2004 at 17:07:31       [Reply]  [No Email]
I had an uncle suffering alzhimers (passed a couple yrs ago). It became a sad situtation. his own boys and their children having nothing to do with him in either this condition or the idea he'd get all their names mixed up. Myself, I had a good time with him, kind-a jaring his memory along like an old stuck phonograph needle caught in a record's scratch, when he got to repeating himself. He was a mountain of information his issue shall have never heard, as I had gotten him to tell me things his own boys shall never learn from me for their own thoughtlessness. What a bunch of jerks these boys the way they mistreated their wives and children. I consider my revenge a salute to those surviving these boys abuses.

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