Country Living
Country Living, Country Skills
Country People - A Country Living Resource and Community
Message Board
Country Topics
Trading Post
Memory Lane
Country Skills
Country Cooking

The Kitchen

Photo Gallery
Vintage Photos
Special Collections

Country Humor
Country Sounds
Coloring Book
Interactive Story

Farm Tractors
Tractor Parts
Tractor Manuals

Classic Trucks
Antique Tractors
Modern Tractors
Site Map
Links Page
Contact Us

Country Discussion Topics
To add your comments to this topic, click on one of the 'Reply' links below.

Presidential speech
[Return to Topics]

Ben    Posted 03-24-2004 at 19:31:11       [Reply]  [No Email]

My fellow Americans:

As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war,
our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days.

It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are
some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be
distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the
Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we
will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face
of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France,
or maybe China.

To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace
deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go
to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big
tables, too.

I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with
France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are
retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN
diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and
crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your
tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be
turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not
pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and
his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I'll have
a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where
I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with
your oil. Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA
treaty---starting now.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism.

I answer them be saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help
folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying
enmity of just about everyone on the planet.

It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup soccer from

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.

God bless America.

Thank you and good night.

Sid    Posted 03-25-2004 at 04:44:40       [Reply]  [No Email]
It is a pleasant thought, but the idea of equal time to those other guys, and them Peter Jennings and some of those other commentators telling us what he just said kinda puts a damper on that dream.

deadcarp    Posted 03-24-2004 at 21:25:07       [Reply]  [No Email]
Very funny, but do we have time for such levities as life and death with this gay issue dominating the networks? LOL    Posted 03-25-2004 at 05:47:18       [Reply]  [No Email]
Hi All,
Yup, that is an "Issue" all across the Country.
Those "folks" want to call themselves the
"Queer Nation" (Their choice of terms).
Perhaps, They actually need their OWN NATION.
A place where they can act & be any way they want to, and not be offensive to Families with little
children. You know, maybe we could find an island big enough, or some place, of "their own"........
Just a thought.
' Til later........
Old John

Clipper    Posted 03-25-2004 at 04:43:27       [Reply]  [No Email]
Party pooper!!! LMAO!!!

DD    Posted 03-24-2004 at 19:43:47       [Reply]  [No Email]

[Return to Topics]

[Home] [Search]

Copyright © 1999-2013
All Rights Reserved
A Country Living Resource and Community