Posted 03-28-2004 at 05:25:48
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Fred got on my one good nerve yesterday. I can't really blame him, as it takes very little to get on that nerve anymore. I'm wound tighter than an eight day clock most of the time, but yesterday, I think he was actually enjoying irritating me. My solution to getting even without starting a fight was to mumble under my breath.
"Hey, do me a favor and run in the house, will ya, and get me the key to the tractor?" Says he.
"Why don't you get it your dang self." I mumbled as I turned to walk away.
"Whut was that?!" Eyes narrowed into slits.
"I said..." I said, "where is it, on that little shelf?"
"Oh....yeah. Same place."
A little while later...
"Could ya fix me a glass of tea?" He asked, as I was working on the electric fencing.
"Sure, I ain't got anything better to do." Behind my sleeve.
"I said," I said, "sure honey, anything for you."
"The he11 you did."
I just smiled. He was on to me.
I was sitting on the tailgate of the truck when he came by on the tractor. I was getting so good at my game that this time I looked dead at him when I said it. The tractor was running so I knew he couldn't hear me, I wanted to see if he could read my lips.
"Where you want me to put this load of dirt?" Says he.
"Up your butt with a coconut." Says I. Okay it was childish, but we all have our outlets.
"Whut was that?" He turned the tractor off.
"I said, how about over there in that low spot by the gate." I replied.
"That's not what you said." He accused.
Then the inevitable happened. He tested me and I did it backwards.
"Why don't you collect the buckets...we need to feed before it gets dark."
"All right, I'll fill, you dump." I said, over my shoulder.
"Whut did you say?" He demanded. The thing is, I didn't say anything wrong, but when he confronted me I got all confused.....
"I said," I said, "you're a big lazy lump!" Oh crap! "I mean, uh, I meant, that uh.."
"Oh no, you said just what you meant, don't try to wiggle out of it now. Did you think I didn't know what you were doing? Up my butt indeed....."
"Oh...you got that, did you?" Blushing.
"I got 'em all. I can hear like an elephant."
"What are you gonna do to me?"
"Well considering the way you're acting, I should put you in the corner and not let you have any desert tonight."
I stuck my tongue out at him, and he mumbled something under his breath as he leaned into the feed tank.
"Whut was that?" I demanded. He looked me dead in the eye.
"I said," he said, "that I love you with all my heart." With a possum grin.
Only he and God knows what he really said, but I would bet a paycheck that it wasn't that.