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North and South...revisited
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sdg    Posted 04-05-2004 at 06:38:33       [Reply]  [No Email]
If you are from any of the northern states and planning on visiting or
moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will
help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:

The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.

The North has double last names, The South has double first names.

The North has Ted Kennedy, The South has Jesse Helms.

The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.

The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.

The North has the Rust Belt, The South has the Bible Belt.

In the South:

--If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a
four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.
Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they
live for.

--Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same
store.... do not buy food at this store.

--Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's
is plural possessive.

--Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"

--Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They
can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into
a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "bigol'," as in
"bigol' truck" or "bigol' boy." Most Northerners begin their
Southern-influenced dialects this way. All of them are in denial about it.

--Be advised that "He needed killin' " is a valid defense here.

--If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should
stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

--If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the
smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local
grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You
just have to go there.

--Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns,
they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

--In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green
lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.


If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will
accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the
oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

Juliana    Posted 04-05-2004 at 23:09:24       [Reply]  [No Email]
How did you know I work at the Waffle House? Love it! LOL!

Ohiosteve    Posted 04-05-2004 at 11:44:40       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Reminds me of the time when I was in the Navy. One Alabama boy made a joke about my northern heritage. My response was(jokingly) "Ya betta watch out or we'll have to come down thar and whup
yu'uns again." He didn't see it at all funny!

Wm. from NC    Posted 04-05-2004 at 10:44:32       [Reply]  [No Email]
Ain't never heard a Northerner say "y'all", and get it right. It always seems to come out as "you all". No self respecting Southerner will waste the breath to make two words outta one.

Too funny!    Posted 04-05-2004 at 08:18:25       [Reply]  [No Email]
Having lived for awhile in East Tennessee, this sure brought back memories!

But you forgot one! What about how to tell girls from the North apart from girls from the South:

Girls from the North say "You can"; girls from the South say "Y'all can"

ron,ar    Posted 04-05-2004 at 07:56:30       [Reply]  [No Email]
"After all, if the cat had kittens in the
oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits"
LOL and we wouldn't eat em either.
('course some folks ain't sure what cathead biscuits are)

Alias    Posted 04-05-2004 at 07:08:48       [Reply]  [No Email]
Thanks for passing along this bit if information.
Now, Nawerners mayn't hav sech a hard time unnerstanding what it is Ima tallkin about.

BTW: did ya hear the one about the refined woman who couldn't help overhearing two guys talking at a bar?

The 1st man said, Emma comes before I.
Next, Essa coms 2 times before I.
Next, Essa coms 2 more times befor I.
thena, 2 pees before I.

Having heard all she could stand the lady screamed at the men and told them they were se#ual deviates and that she had never heard such foul language.

The 1st man said, Lady I don kno whata you mean I was justa tellin my frena how to spella MISSISSIPPI.

~Lenore    Posted 04-05-2004 at 07:46:40       [Reply]  [No Email]
Gee I understood that before I read the explaination!
I had to go back and read it again to see what upset that lady. LOL

SusieQ    Posted 04-05-2004 at 16:02:50       [Reply]  [No Email]
Guess that makes me a true southern then, had a good laugh from these.

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