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Some old some new
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bill b va    Posted 04-25-2004 at 15:26:11       [Reply]  [No Email]

> **********************************************************
>    She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
>    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
>    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
>    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
>    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
> **********************************************************
> "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman  wished
> to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control
> for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV
> remote?" I asked.   
>   "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping
>    with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I
>    could do to him."
> ***********************************************************************
>    I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand
>    how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper
>    thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a
>    spider.
> ***********************************************************************
>    While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
>    Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is
>    essential that husbands and wives know the things that are
>    important to each other." He addressed the man, "Can you
>    describe your wife's favorite flower?" Tom leaned over, touched
>    his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
>    The rest of the story gets rather ugly so I'll stop right here.
> *****************************************************
>   A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not
>    saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument
>    and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they
>    passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked
>    sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
>    "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
> *************************************************************
>   A husband read an article to his wife about how many words
>    women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
>    The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to
>    repeat everything to men...
>    The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
> **************************************************************
>   A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
>    so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
>    The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me
>    beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid
>    so I would be attracted to you!  
> ***********************************************************************
>    A man and his wife were having an argument about who should
>    brew the coffee each morning.
>    The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
>    and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
>    The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here
>    and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just
>    wait for my coffee."
>    Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the
>    Bible that the man should do the coffee."
>    Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
>    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and
>    showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says....
>    "HEBREWS"

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