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My Third secret to a successful marriage!
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Fern(Mi)    Posted 04-29-2004 at 17:15:34       [Reply]  [No Email]
Have been going to write about this for some time.
Several weeks or months ago I suggested the first two secrets. One: You can not live without this person in your life. Two: dealt with communication, starting before marriage. This involves a lot of talk, in the beginning establishing rules to live by: dreams, expectations and realities. Then there is the more serious matter of home making, parental roles, money and savingís management, the engagements of fair fighting. I liked the one no hitting back until married. Something went wrong with that one. Never got around to hitting. I guess we gave that up for hugging and kissingÖ!
Today they have premarital counseling in many states and communities. Isnít this a blast? There werenít anybody around in my day to talk me out of it. But, I guess it hasnít been so bad. Sharing accomplishments would never have been the fun weíve had together. And, then there were all them handy fringe benefits.
Getting back to my eveningís subject, My so called third rule involves giving up on /or/giving in to what was or was not to be. My bride was everything I expected and then some with an important exception. She just never proved to be a totally committed housekeeper. A useless argument over her slight of hand on house work I gave it up for naught. It was not worth building a chasm between us when we had everything else. Commitment, love, understanding, building and learning together. She cooked and baked, raised seven children, raised me some more, took care of all us, sewed, and gave of herself to anyone in need. She took good care of herself. Knew how to temper my ego when I was up and picked me up when my spirit was down. And, best demanded my loving my attention. She made me feel the man blessed.
I donít remember the axiom, and too tired to look it upÖ But, it dealt with wisdom: knowing what may be changed and leaving alone that what may be not. So it was each of us, Iím not asking her--I know, we built upon the positives bypassing the negatives.
Enough soap box. I have finally delivered what I had promised. It may not be eloquent but its something maybe some young people might one day look at and weigh the trade-offs worth?

deadcarp    Posted 04-29-2004 at 21:56:41       [Reply]  [No Email]
Well i'll tell ya - i was never a morning person, and used that excuse to get latehour jobs, work different shifts etc. Then i met Suzn. We're both loners and it works real well. That lady brought me breakfast in bed for ten years, scratched my back & got me there with a grin on my face and i finally had a clear enough head to make enough to hang the blasted job-life up. Well she's not a joiner and reads alot lately and people ask where she is and did i maybe kill her, and to any doubters i say it's her doorbell and phone too, if she wants the ringer off she can, she can sleep anytime she wants to and all day if that suits her. I'll fix something to eat and probly be fishing. She's earned her break. :)

DD    Posted 04-29-2004 at 19:52:11       [Reply]  [No Email]
We should all be so lucky in that department ; )

Donna from Mo    Posted 04-29-2004 at 17:54:03       [Reply]  [No Email]
Fern, my husband had the same discovery about me that you had about your wife: housekeeping is not my favorite thing! We've hung together since 1966 though, and are as much opposite as any two folks could be.

SusieQ    Posted 04-29-2004 at 17:37:12       [Reply]  [No Email]
Mr. Fern,
I love this thread of marriage......this is so good, and not trying to change a person, well that is priceless........Thanks for the sharing of these thoughts.

Fawteen    Posted 04-29-2004 at 17:20:08       [Reply]  [No Email]
Part of the AA creed:

Lord, give me the courage to accept those things I cannot change, the strength to change those I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Or words to that effect. Good advice in most situations.

Fawteen - Oh, SURE    Posted 04-29-2004 at 17:30:10       [Reply]  [No Email]
NOW it comes to me...":^)

I believe the correct wording is

Lord grant me the serenity to accept those things I cannot change, the courage to change those things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

AKA "The Serenity Prayer".

That's it... Fern(Mi)    Posted 04-29-2004 at 17:47:12       [Reply]  [No Email]
....I just knew somebody would know. Thank you Sir. Lord! I love this life!

Ken    Posted 04-29-2004 at 22:58:53       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Hi , I loved the married life . Got married to a wonderful woman in 1966 , did alot together . I thought God had made the perfect marriage(ours). Raised 2 beautiful girls & was married 33 yrs . She had to go to work because of my health & started to get very independent & different. She started to change & then one day 5 yrs ago she announced that she wanted to be single & see what she had missed out on & try a different life style . I've been a single man ever since & love it ( do get lonely occassionally ). She's remarried now to someone younger with hair & a good income that she met in her la la land . She loved watching soap operas & never missed a show .I sure wish I had my good health back & was a younger man . That's how marriage treated me ( never again ). Even with Jesus Christ in a marriage there's no guarantee . I wish all of you the best .Ken

DD    Posted 04-30-2004 at 08:48:31       [Reply]  [No Email]
Ken, age is just a number so it makes no difference what your age is. In regards to getting married again. Parents without Partners is a neat place where you can share your experiences with folks who have been thru the same things you have. And you never know, you just might meet yout Best Friend there : )

~Lenore    Posted 04-30-2004 at 07:32:09       [Reply]  [No Email]
That is true, Ken, with Jesus Christ in a marraige,
the only thing you are assured of is...
HE will be there no matter what anyone else does.
So you are never completely alone;
I have found HE is the best company.

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