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Texas Hurricane Season
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Texas    Posted 05-19-2004 at 05:39:15       [Reply]  [No Email]
TEXAS HURRICANE SEASON NOTES

We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season.
Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weather person pointing to some huge radar blob out in the Gulf of Mexico and making two basic meteorological points:

(1) There is no need to panic.
(2) We could all be killed.

Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in Texas
.
If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one.'' Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:

STEP 1.
Buy enough food and bottled water and "blonde soda water" to last your family for at least three days.

STEP 2.
Put these supplies into your car.

STEP 3.
Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.

Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in Texas.
We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:

HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE:
If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements:
(1) It is reasonably well-built, and
(2) It is located in Nebraska.

Unfortunately, if your home is located in South Texas, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companieswould prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house.
At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane Elisha, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.

SHUTTERS:
Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane --all the toilets.
There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:

Plywood shutters:
The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.

Sheet-metal shutters:
The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up.
The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.

Roll-down shutters:
The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will
have to sell your house to pay for them.

Hurricane-proof'' windows:
These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You
can be sure of this, because the salesman says so.(He lives in Nebraska.)

Hurricane Proofing Your Property:
As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects like barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc.. You should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles.

EVACUATION ROUTE:
If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying
area, look at your driver's license; if it says "South of I-10," you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with three hundred thousand other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.(Remember three days food supply in your car. Now you know why!)

HURRICANE SUPPLIES:
If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! Texas tradition requires that you wait until the last possibleminute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of SPAM.

In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:

23 flashlights

At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes off, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.

Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for, but it's traditional, so GET some!)

A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.

A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)

A large quantity of raw chicken, to placate the alligators. (Ask anybody who went through Carla; after the hurricane, there WILL
be irate alligators.)

$35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth. Of course these are just basic precautions.

As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and
watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over how vitally important it is for everybody to stay away from the ocean.

Good luck, and remember: It's great living in Texas!


Herb    Posted 05-19-2004 at 22:57:29       [Reply]  [No Email]
Don't forget to batten down the hatches. I still haven't figured out how to batten one down or if I even have one.


Patria    Posted 05-19-2004 at 09:03:46       [Reply]  [No Email]
My memmories of hurricanes in PR are sweet'n-sour. But if you asked me, or if I had to choose, I'll take a hurricane over an earthquake or a tornado, any time. We have time to prepare, and the casualties could be cero. Deaths occur when people take for granted the seriousnes of this monster.
Hurricane Hugo, sept 1989, left us up here on the southeast mountains without energy close to two months, we had, and still do, water tanks[?] with electric pump. So we had no energy and of course, no water. Had to work like a mad woman to keep my family and household running.
But I keep fond memmories of those two months.
I didn't have a battery radio, so after the huricane I went to buy one; they were all gone. The only one I could find was a short-wave radio.
And for $80 I got to hear all my local news to keep track of what was going on, and stations from around the world. oh boy, I got so hooked on that little box that I would have little sleep listening to any station that would have a show in english or spanish. With the radio's manuals came a guide with addresses from the radio stations from places I couldn't pronounce but that had an english show in their programs. After PR came back to normal, months later, I sent some postcards to several radio stations from every continent. I wasn't expecting an answer from them, actually. But I did! And for a couple of years I kept contact with some of the radio stations and also with other short-wave listeners.

Then came internet.
Patria


~Lenore    Posted 05-19-2004 at 09:28:56       [Reply]  [No Email]
I agree, patria.

I have lived on the Gulf Coast all of my life and been through hurricanes every year. I know they can be dangerous but they are also exciting. I 'll take them over tornadoes, earthquakes, months of snow and ice any time.

Only damage I ever suffered was a big pecan tree grew up too close to my house and it swayed in the wind and bumped up against my house. It caused a little roof damage and the insurance covered it.


Patria    Posted 05-19-2004 at 10:17:54       [Reply]  [No Email]
To get to where I live you get off from a 6 lane expressway to a ,barely, two car lane and drive for about 10 miles where the vegetation is dense, lots of trees and power lines. Energy company try to keep them sort of trimmed but not enough to keep them from bringing down with them the electric lines during a hurricane. And like everywhere in the world, there's gotta be a compromise between "good and evil", you know, in this case the electric company and the environmentalists[?]. So...it gets pretty ugly, but I guess you guys know that already..

BTW: I was doing the groceries a couple of days ago and they had a table full of roses, and I thought, "wow, Lenore would love some of these"
Told my husband about you and your roses and he said why don't you buy one, I checked them and fell in love with a red climbing one. I told him that we would have to finish the construction of our house before I bought a plant that grew so big. He said we would plant it in a big container and that he would make a 'built-in trellis', hehe, aren't engineers something?! LOL
So we bought it. It's red , "climbin blaze" from Aristocrats.


~Lenore    Posted 05-19-2004 at 11:50:35       [Reply]  [No Email]
Climbing Blaze is very pretty and nice;
...but in the future get a Don Jaun.
It is fabulous.


Chas in Me    Posted 05-19-2004 at 06:44:20       [Reply]  [No Email]
That was too funny. I loved it.


E. G. HENDRICKSON    Posted 05-19-2004 at 06:28:38       [Reply]  [Send Email]
NE Oklahoma here, the Tornado is our state bird!


Old Sarge    Posted 05-19-2004 at 06:07:55       [Reply]  [No Email]
Yep,
You got it down pretty good. Somer 60 years ago when I grew up in Tornado Alley, as we called it, we had a storm cellar on the farm. Many nights I spent in it, fighting scorpions, horned toads, and spiders. This was up in Brown County.


Mugway    Posted 05-19-2004 at 05:57:38       [Reply]  [No Email]
Makes me feel glad I live where I do,no hurricanes like down south or east coast,no earth quakes like the west coast,and no Noreaster like the New England states,just an ocasional tornado or severe thunder storm.Suppose its all what you get used to.


Texas    Posted 05-19-2004 at 06:01:08       [Reply]  [No Email]
Well we get the tornados, hurricanes and the most awesome thunderstorms when blue northers blow in.

All we need is a reason party here...and Ol' Mom Nature provides plenty of them!


SusieQ    Posted 05-19-2004 at 05:56:35       [Reply]  [No Email]
Yep, that sure was cute, and when all else fails, MOVE NORTH.......hehehehehe.


mud    Posted 05-19-2004 at 05:44:05       [Reply]  [No Email]
ya'll take that business to heart, dont ya?

say, when do you get back toward your plan to hunt & fish in old mexico? i been waitin for a report on that from you. last i heard you was washed out by a herricane, or holed up somewhares with a dark eyed floozie, which is it? hahaha

mud


Texas    Posted 05-19-2004 at 06:02:32       [Reply]  [No Email]
Well if the creeks dont rise and the pilots aint afraid to fly Im gonna try again next month. I aint to happy with Continental right now...breakin my best rods.


Clipper    Posted 05-19-2004 at 05:45:51       [Reply]  [No Email]
To heck wit the fishin.....bring back a couple of them Senorita's fer the Saloon....that'll make Fern happy!


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