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Letter Home...
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EngineerJoyce    Posted 06-08-2004 at 12:51:13       [Reply]  [Send Email]
----- Letter Home From the Hillbilly in the Army

Dear Ma and Pa:

Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt and brother Elmer the Army beats workin’ for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 5 a.m., but am gettin’ so I like to sleep late.

Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things -- no hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothin’. Men got to shave, but it ain't bad, they git warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmin’s like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kinda weak on chops, potatoes, beef, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and regular food. But tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again.

It ain't no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches," which, the Sgt. says, are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys all get sore feet and we ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat.

The Sgt. is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board. Colonels and Generals just ride around and frown. They don't bother none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughin’. I keep gettin medals for shootin. I don't know why. The bull's-eye is near as big as a chipmunk and don't move. And it ain't shootin’ back, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lay there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampedin’ in.

Yore lovin daughter,


P.S. Speakin of shootin, enclosed is $200 for barn roof and ma's teeth. The city boys shoot craps, but not very good.

Melanie- BWAH-hahahaha    Posted 06-08-2004 at 12:59:05       [Reply]  [No Email]
THAT is priceless!!!!! Copied, pasted, sent on to my inbox!!!! LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!

DD    Posted 06-08-2004 at 13:00:24       [Reply]  [No Email]
I was gonna say, some of us here resemble that : ) TeeHee

EngineerJoyce    Posted 06-08-2004 at 13:24:09       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I got that a good while ago. It's stored in my "humor" folder. When I read it through for the first time, I thought it was pretty good, but when I got to the end and it was from "Yore lovin daughter" I just about busted! That has got to be THE BEST punchline that could have been added to the end of this one.

'course the guys would probably enjoy it more if it weren't such a blow to their masculinity.
Say, if it was from "Yore lovin son, Jethro."
Look at it that way, guys, and you might even laugh!

DD    Posted 06-08-2004 at 13:33:20       [Reply]  [No Email]
No Way! It works much better this way and some of us kin even shoot too : )

DD    Posted 06-08-2004 at 13:32:59       [Reply]  [No Email]
No Way! It works much better this way and some of us kin even shoot too : )

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