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Country Discussion Topics
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Update On Friends Divorce
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KellyGa    Posted 08-09-2004 at 14:59:25       [Reply]  [No Email]
So much has been happening. She and I went to the county courthouse and got information on what we needed to do for her to serve the SOB with papers. We got on the internet and ran off extra copies, just in case he tore up the first one when she gave them to him.

This was a week ago. Since then, her underwear have all jumped out of the drawer and disappeared, her licence and social security card mysteriously disappeared, and low and behold she found it, and several thousand dollars in the trunk of the SOBs trunk of his car. Her tire mysteriously went flat at Brians (our good friend she is leaving the SOB for) He took it to be fixed, and it seems that someone tampered with the valve stem. He has been too sick to sign the papers, he has scribbled notes all over the divorce papers like, abandonment, neglect of child, all nonsense.

For those of you that need to be caught up to speed, he has verbally abused her for years, and her self worth was diminished to nothing. HE is 9 years older than her, and he thinks he is god. Hers anyway. He rules, he is right, he is a control freak. I heard him keep her up til all hours of the night when they lived next to us, had her crying, lecturing her, just on and on. She and Brian hooked up while they were watching our animals and house while we were gone to Florida, and have been happy ever since. She and her daughter have been staying with him, because the SOB won't get out and sign the papers.

He has hidden in the bushes next door, because he thinks he can listen in on what is going on. We like to sit out under the carport, talk, have a beer, you know, relax. He did this once and got an earfull, then again this past Saturday. Ian and the neighbor that is renting the house from the SOB told him he needed to get a grip and sit down with her and get things signed and be on his way, that things were not going to change.

This guy stays drunk, stoned and high on cocaine. He even faked his suicide one night. He claimed he took 60 sleeping pills. She found him out back on the grass at their house. He says, aren't you going to call an ambulance??? SHe said NO, I can't afford it, I'll call them if you die. You see, he cleaned out their savins and checking accounts. He has over 15,000 dollars in his pocket. She has agreed to sign the rental house over to him if he will just go away after the divorce. He will still want to see his daughter, but she already does not want to see him.

He has never treated her with the decency and respect a human being deserves, much less a wife. He is worthless. He has not had a job in two years, he lives in a fantasy land. A man is supposed to get up and go to WORK, that is just the way its supposed to be.

He has looked up Brians phone number and address on the internet. He calls in the middle of the night waking them up. He rides past our house if Brian is here, over and over, he even jogged around the block, lol, the other night. He is a controlling SOB, that has lost his grip.

Ian thinks he has the potential to be violent, and could be dangerous, if pushed.

Now, I am keeping their daughter tomorrow, he and her are going to have lunch, per his request, to "discuss" the divorce papers. She says if he doesn't sign them and have them ready on Wednesday she is hiring a lawyer, and she is having a sheriff serve him, and according to the law, if that happens, he has to leave immediately, and if he steps foot on the premises, he can go to jail. She wants him out.

Personally, I would have chopped him up and buried him under the prorch a long time ago, but then again, I would have never married anybody that even thought they were gonna tell me what to do. NOBODY controls ME!!! ;)


Linda in UT    Posted 08-09-2004 at 23:33:40       [Reply]  [No Email]
Kelly, may I suggest your friend desperately needs the services of a lawyer? She needs the advice of an attorney in order to protect her daughter and herself. She won't have to pay for the attorney. Any attorney worth his or her salt will have it written into the decree that the errant husband will pay all costs.

Of course, she may have compromised her position a bit since she moved in with Brian, but that doesn't mean a good attorney couldn't help her. In fact, moving in with Brian is probably one more reason she does need an attorney - and soon. The husband sounds pretty controlling, and mix that with cocaine and you have a recipe for disaster. He could easily plant drugs so SHE is found with them and loses custody of her daughter. He also could finish losing what brain cells he may have left and physically harm her, her daughter, and/or Brian.

She does not need to sign over the house! Her daughter needs a home to live in. If they choose never to live in that home again, then the money from its sale would make a good dent in a college education for the child. If she and Brian don't stay together, she may well need a financial cushion so she and her daughter can continue to live as normal a life as possible. The house would provide that. Been there.

When I went through my divorce in Montana about 20 years ago, I was astounded at the things my attorney came up with to protect both me and my children during the proceedings. He set it up so as long as my ex stayed current with his child support he would be allowed to take the children as tax deductions. It seemed like such a small thing at first, but over the next few years I found there were times we wouldn't have received any child support had it not been for that provision. With my limited income it made little difference to me who took the kids as a deduction, but it made a big difference to my ex, who made far more money.

You're a good friend, Kelly!


KellyGa    Posted 08-10-2004 at 03:58:17       [Reply]  [No Email]
Thanks Linda. I told her she should just get a lawyer. I am afraid for her in so many ways. She wasnts out of this marriage so bad she is willing to do whatever it takes, give him whatever, as long as she gets her daughter. They have two houses, she is signing over the older house that they used to live in next door to me just to get him to go away. He doesnt deserve anything in my opinion. She is being way to nice about all this. We had thought of the drug plant also. Everything you have said is very wise. I have told her a lot of what you have said here. I can't make her do these things though... I personally hope he doesnt sign the papers today and she gets a lawyer, that way she will come out better in the end. Thanks by the way for the input, it is greatly appreciated. :)


Linda in UT    Posted 08-10-2004 at 11:59:52       [Reply]  [No Email]
You're welcome, Kelly. As I said, you are a good friend and I know that's what your friend needs right now.

A very good friend and co-worker sat me down when I was going through my divorce, looked me in the eye, and told me I had many friends who wanted to help me, but unless I let them know I needed help, there was nothing they could do for me.

You are correct in that your friend has to make her own decisions. It's too bad she's too close to the forest to see the trees, but that's all too common. She's at a very tough time in her life and her decisions now may well affect her life for years to come.

I'm off to work so won't be lurking for a couple of days. I hopee all goes well for your friend and her daughter.


toolman    Posted 08-10-2004 at 00:47:14       [Reply]  [No Email]
im only joking so don,t go postal on me (sorry clod) but as a man your post scares me,lol.


Linda in UT    Posted 08-10-2004 at 11:54:23       [Reply]  [No Email]
LOL I understand, Toolman!

I was very surprised and grateful that my attorney was able to come up with so many useful ideas. And I did have the thought on more than one occasion that I was very happy I had hired this attorney and my ex hadn't. As it turned out my ex did contact this attorney trying to hire him about two hours after I had hired the attorney. My story could have had a different ending had that happened. Having never been through a divorce before, I was lost and confused when it came time to seek legal help. A female friend who had been through the same thing steered me to this fellow.


GunNut    Posted 08-09-2004 at 16:03:29       [Reply]  [No Email]
Well......it looks like rubbed your fur backwards and fired your rocket enough so I'll leave now.
PLEASE PLEASE... NO CHEERING.


KellyGa    Posted 08-09-2004 at 16:09:16       [Reply]  [No Email]
Oh Gunnut, why don't you kiss my grits, lol. Just funnin with ya. I can't stay mad at ya. I just ain't like that.


GunNut    Posted 08-09-2004 at 16:15:10       [Reply]  [No Email]
Kel, this was in an email I just got and I thought you might enjoy. I has NOTHING to do with your original post I just thought it was cute.
My God bless you and your friend.


THIS IS SOME GOOD ADVICE!


If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout...run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.


KellyGa    Posted 08-09-2004 at 16:27:30       [Reply]  [No Email]
Thanks, I loved it. :) Bless Your heart. :)


Fern(Mi)    Posted 08-09-2004 at 16:02:51       [Reply]  [No Email]
Stick to your principles Kelly. And your right to free speach. Sometimes seems to be a declining commodity around here. If you feel better about talking about it's fine with a lot of us, me included. And perhaps beneficial havind access to so many concerned and informating minds.
I have seen these a-holes next door and within my own family. There is comfort in knowing your doing the right thing when you would otherwise wonder if you should have butted in. Ya got our support what have been through these situations in the past. It isn't pleasent, be you looking in helping her out, or being spied on.
I'm sure there's some good advice or at least suggestions for thought over these matters around here. be patient.
Kelly: give the folks who care a chance to respound.
You are of good heart, God Bless.
Fernan



KellyGa    Posted 08-09-2004 at 16:12:38       [Reply]  [No Email]
Thanks Fern, I just love ya all to pieces, you know that. :)


GunNut    Posted 08-09-2004 at 15:40:26       [Reply]  [No Email]
If you would read the header on the home page it reads "This is the place to talk with others about topics related to country life and rural living. Ask a question, help with an answer or just share some of your ideas and experiences."
Do you think that this is a topic related to country life and rural living or have you nothing else to do but gossip?


toolman /are you saying    Posted 08-09-2004 at 17:03:07       [Reply]  [No Email]
people in the country don,t have martial problems , and we shouldn,t talk about such things as kelly has brought up, are country folks only allowed to talk about what you determined is the topic that the header refers to in your mind, come on get a life, we all have problems city or country and we should be able to discuss what we want as long as we treat folks with respect and be decent to all, i see no harm in what she is talking about, she is part of this site and it seems she is in the middle of this problem, she is helping a friend and discussing with friends here what she is doing, i see nothing wrong with that, and i don,t really see why you should unless of course your her girlfriends ex.


KellyGa    Posted 08-09-2004 at 15:44:30       [Reply]  [No Email]
ITS NOT GOSSIP!!! SHe is my VERY good friend, and I am just supporting her!!!!


JB    Posted 08-09-2004 at 15:55:59       [Reply]  [No Email]
I go on record as saying, "I'm with you, Kelly, and I hope things work out to the good for your friend."

Incidentally, no one is forced to read postings.


KellyGa    Posted 08-09-2004 at 15:59:19       [Reply]  [No Email]
THANKS JB!! Thanks for your support, I will tell her she has much support here. :)


GunNut    Posted 08-09-2004 at 15:49:45       [Reply]  [No Email]
I think it's GREAT that YOU are supporting her but I still DON'T think that it's proper to post (hang the wash out) here.
If you can't say anything good about someone, NO MATTER HOW BAD HE/SHE IS, don't say anything.


KellyGa    Posted 08-09-2004 at 15:57:25       [Reply]  [No Email]
Thats the beauty of the internet, and this country, I can say whatever I want, and you can CHOOSE not to read it. If you don't like whats on, change the channel, turn it off, but don't bash me because you don't like what I have to say. That man deserves a spot in Hell, and GOD will be his judge, not me, but that doesn't keep me from pushing his butt in the fire so he can get a taste of what is to come for him.


KellyGa    Posted 08-09-2004 at 15:42:29       [Reply]  [No Email]
Who peed in you cheerios this morning? We talk about lots of stuff other than the topic, we are FRIENDS here. Who died and made you moderator? If you don't like it don't read it.


deadcarp    Posted 08-09-2004 at 15:30:13       [Reply]  [No Email]
We get those sticky situations up here too but the women are wising up and protecting their kids from the budding deadbeats with guns & papers. Once drugs run the household, she'd better have a restraining order on him so she has some documentation to show the coroner when they come to shovel his perforated carcass off her porch. If swamps could talk, they'd be full of drug stories. :)


KellyGa    Posted 08-09-2004 at 15:34:15       [Reply]  [No Email]
Yep, all very good points. :) She has known nothing but him, and he knows that. He knew if she ever got a taste of the way things were really supposed to be in a real relationhip she would be gone, and that is exactly what has happened, I say good for her. Brian has cop friends looking for him at times to pull him over and get him on DUI, and have him tested for drugs. He said if he wasnts to call and wake him up in the middle of the night, if he wasnts to play, then let the games begin. If he gets busted for DUI and drugs in his system, he is as good as gone. He didn't even have the guts to really take those pills, he just got up and went in the house once he saw she wasnt going to do anything, lol.


GunNut    Posted 08-09-2004 at 15:11:03       [Reply]  [No Email]
Do you think it's right to talk about someones problems on the INTERNET? Please let them work out their problems and let us pray that God will help them.


KellyGa    Posted 08-09-2004 at 15:37:32       [Reply]  [No Email]
God helps those who help themselves. If she just sits there and takes his abuse, she will never get out. He sees nothing wrong with his behavior. Everyone has tried to tell him that she left because of his behavior throughout the years, but he does not see it, and so he will never change. He is an evil bad man, period.


KellyGa    Posted 08-09-2004 at 15:21:08       [Reply]  [No Email]
Oh come on, I didn't even use her name, and I told her I was talking about it on here, and y'all were rooting for her. YOu don't get it. This guy IS the problem. He takes his kid to drug deals, he is a user, an abuser, a controlfreak. He cares about nothing but himself. For them to work it out would be the worst thing to happen. He cheated on her for four years, he was with his girlfriend, told his work he was taking the week off for the birth of his daughter, he wasnt even there. Don't give me that crap. He is the scum on my shoe, and he deserves any hardships he gets. She is being way to lenient on him as it is. You should root for her that she is one of the ones who is going to get out before he kills her, or worse abuses their daughter. Most women never get the support and encouragement they need because the SOBs don't allow them to have friends. She had no friends until our daughters started playing together. She got a taste of the real world, and liked it.


Cosmo    Posted 08-09-2004 at 15:55:05       [Reply]  [No Email]
This man may be as bad as you say and then some. But what kind of morals is she teaching her daughter by them moving in with another man while she is still married to this jerk? Is this the "taste of the real world" she should be showing her daughter?


Mike in tn    Posted 08-09-2004 at 20:16:05       [Reply]  [No Email]
Good question Cosmos, If the situation is as bad as it sounds, she probably should have left him long ago. But, by leaveing him for another man, in my opinion she is no better than he is. Don't blame you for sticking with your friend Kelly, as she really needs one now. However, if i was this Brian dud I would have nothing to do with her. Once she gets divorced and setteled down he will be old news. She is useing him for a crutch. Wait and see.
Mike


KellyGa    Posted 08-09-2004 at 16:05:17       [Reply]  [No Email]
I know, and sometimes I think you have to look at it like this. Well, let me back up. Brian and her were friends before this. We are talking about for years. He comes over every weekend, has been our friend for many many years. He plays with my daughter and her daughter, video games and such. He is the sweetest. He will make their life a better one. Sometimes things just happen.


SusieQ    Posted 08-09-2004 at 15:06:59       [Reply]  [No Email]
Ouch....and sure hope he doesn't get it into his head.....if I can't have you, no one else will.

That has happened when the father kills, kids, wife and himself. Keep an eye out for your friend.


KellyGa    Posted 08-09-2004 at 15:24:36       [Reply]  [No Email]
THANKYOU SUSIE!!! :) I will be there for her, along with our good friend Brian, and she will have a better life for her and her daughter with Brian. SHe has never even had a foot rub or back rub. Brian couldn't believe it, he gave her both. She is the sweetest person, will give you the shirt off her back. That was why her husband was able to prey on her from a very young age. I am just glad she got out.


Clod    Posted 08-09-2004 at 17:22:29       [Reply]  [No Email]
All's well that ends well!


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