Country Living
Country Living, Country Skills
Country People - A Country Living Resource and Community
Message Board
Country Topics
Trading Post
Memory Lane
Country Skills
Country Cooking

The Kitchen

Photo Gallery
Vintage Photos
Special Collections

Country Humor
Country Sounds
Coloring Book
Interactive Story

Farm Tractors
Tractor Parts
Tractor Manuals

Classic Trucks
Antique Tractors
Modern Tractors
Site Map
Links Page
Contact Us

Country Discussion Topics
To add your comments to this topic, click on one of the 'Reply' links below.

[Return to Topics]

DD    Posted 08-22-2004 at 20:38:30       [Reply]  [No Email]
> >
> >First, you must learn to pronounce the city name.
> >It s "Bur/min/ham".
> >
> >
> >Driving Information:
> >Burmin'ham has its own version of traffic rules...
> >
> >1. The truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a 4-way stop. The
> >truck with the biggest tires goes after that. (Note: Blue haired
> >ladies driving
> >anything have right-of-way anytime.)
> >
> >2. To find anything in the city it is required that you know where
> >Malfunction Junction is...which is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning

> >and the end. It is one of only two "cloverleaf" formation
> >interchanges in the
> >world. We invented it and only one other city was stupid enough to
> >implement
> >it again - Atlanta - making them dumber than we are.
> >
> >3. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour
> is
> >from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. If the

> >term "merging delays" is ever used by the person reporting the
> >traffic, even in
> >passing, call in to work and tell them that you will be at least 30
> >minutes
> >late regardless of where you are in your commute.
> >
> >4. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be (at the very
> >least)
> >rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. This applies to male and
> >female drivers alike.
> >
> >5. You must know that "I-459", "I-59", "I-20", and "I-65" are the
> >same road they just loop around the city. We think this was a ploy to

> >confuse outsiders and discourage visitors after the War of Northern
> >Aggression.
> >
> >6. Always, always, always, find out if it is a race weekend before
> >you get on any of these 'roads' to travel somewhere. If it is a race
> >weekend, stay
> >home or go to the races. You won't be going anywhere else.
> >
> >7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Burmin'ham. The barrels are

> >moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's
> >driving a bit more
> >exciting.
> >
> >8. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs,
> >barrels, cones, cows, horses, potholes, cats, armadillos, pieces of
> >other cars, opossum, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, and
> >crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
> >
> >9. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
> >shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
> >activated".
> >
> >10. The minimum acceptable speed on "I-65" (see item 5 above) is 85
> mph.
> >Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Alabama's State
> >Highway Sponsored version of NASCAR. Especially during rush hour (see

> >item 3
> >above)
> >when it's 85 and everyone in the city is driving at once, bumper to
> >bumper. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55-65
> >zone, you are considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped a
> >bird"accordingly.
> >
> >11. Do not gawk at the woman in the car beside you in traffic who is
> >applying make up, talking on a cellphone, drinking a Diet Coke,
> >smoking a Marlboro, and
> >maintaining a steady speed of 85 mph on I-65 in rush hour traffic. If
> >she is
> >coming from North of Burmin'ham she might be packing. If she is
> >from
> >South of Burmin'ham she IS packing and is not afraid to use it.
> >
> >
> >Weather Information:
> >
> >1. If it's 110 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend
> >2. If it's 10-20 degrees and sleeting/snowing, then watch out,
> >Burmin'ham residents consider this "demolition derby" day and will be

> >all over the roads (front ways, back ways, etc). Please proceed with
> >caution, as you could be their next target.
> >
> >
> >Seasonal Information:
> >
> >1. If you stick to the seats in your vehicle, it is Spring.
> >
> >2. If you need to let the car "get some air" standing next to it with

> >the doors open for a minute before you can stick your upper body
> >inside to crank
> >it and get the air going, it is Summer.
> >
> >3. If you are sweating even with the windows down, driving 55 mph, it
> is
> >Fall.
> >
> >4. If you finally turn the AC off and roll your windows up, it is
> >Winter.
> >
> >
> >General Information:
> >
> >1. Do not ever speak during the song "Sweet Home Alabama" unless it
> >is to sing along with the lyrics. This is like the State Song and
> >will erupt in a
> >brawl if everyone doesn't show "proper respect" to the band who gave
> >"Free Bird". This is especially true if alcohol is present. (Notice I

> >didn't say "sold at this event" but present.)
> >
> >2. Yes, we know that Vulcan is mooning the entire city. It's not that

> >funny to us anymore.
> >
> >3. If you ask someone for a "coke", they will immediately ask you
> >"what kind"? This is not a trick question. Tell them what you want:
> >Sprite, Dr.Pepper, Root Beer-it's all "coke".
> >
> >4. All tea is sweet. If it's not sweet, you have crossed the Mason
> Dixon
> >Line and are in the North.
> >

Redneck, 60 miles too clo    Posted 08-23-2004 at 03:04:33       [Reply]  [No Email]
It's funny how a place can be only sixty miles away but seem a thousand. Folks around here feel it is eyesore on a beautiful state.

Patria    Posted 08-23-2004 at 07:50:46       [Reply]  [No Email]
hey Redneck, I know what you island is a paradise, if it only wasn't for.. whatever:-), like everywhere else i guess.

DD..gonna forward this to my puerto rican contacts..i'm not sure, though, they are going to take nicely the -"We invented it and only one other city was stupid enough to implement it again-" part.

hi New-Gen:-)
Take Care

DD    Posted 08-23-2004 at 09:34:35       [Reply]  [No Email]
I don't write em Patria, I just share em when I feel like it : )

Patria    Posted 08-23-2004 at 10:00:08       [Reply]  [No Email]
oh we know that, DD..and it's gone already..i like the stuff you post.
Thanks for sharing.:-)
Take Care!

New-Gen    Posted 08-22-2004 at 21:01:19       [Reply]  [No Email]
I don't live anywhere near Birmingham but that almost describes my town!!

[Return to Topics]

[Home] [Search]

Copyright © 1999-2013
All Rights Reserved
A Country Living Resource and Community