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Keen Sense of the Obvious
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New-Gen    Posted 09-05-2004 at 18:24:51       [Reply]  [No Email]
Everybody knows somebody with what I refer to a a "Keen Sense of the Obvious"

You know, the kind of person who walks up to two cars parked nose to nose with jumper cables hooked between them, one person revving up one, another person in the second one turning the key, the car going "RRHHRHRHRHRRrhrhhhhhrrrrrr*click*cick*click*", followed by the utterance of a few profane sylables, and asking:"whatsa matter, won't it start??". No, this isn't one of those "Here's your sign" routines, I'll leave that to Mr. Engvall, he does it much better than I do anyway.

This is a tale of an experience I had recently at an auction where I had purchased a tractor with dual rear wheels. In order to caul it home that night in the dark it was nessesary to remove the outer duals to make it legal.{Not to mention safe}
I backed the left inner dual up on a block {standard procedure} and found an air hose and impact wrench. As I was doing this I realized I had an audience. Finally the man approached me and said "Gonna take the duals off?"
Not feeling particularily sarcastic at the time I replied "Yep"
The first one came right off with no problem whatsoever. The man said "Looks like you got one off!!" To which I replied "Yep"
I climbed up in the cab, started it up and moved it so the right inside tire was on the block. My one man fanclub said "Gonna take the other one off now?" By now my "Yeps" were taking on a slightly less friendly tone as he was starting to annoy me.

But he wasn't nearly as annoying as the fact that the lug nuts on the second one were frozen solid. They resisted the impact wrenches efforts like a kid resists getting in the bathtub. {Or for that matter getting OUT of the same tub once he gets settled in with his toys}
But of course my new friend kept up a running commentary:" Looks like the air wrench ain't workin", and, "Those nuts are tight", to name a few.

I went in the shop and found a socket, breaker bar and 5' pipe. This provoked a whole conversation.
Bystander: "Gonna try to break em loose with that?"
NG: "Yep"
Bystander: "Gonna use that big pipe for leverage?"
NG "Yep" {I had another use in mind for it by now but it probably would have gotten me arrested}
Bystander: "Got a flashlight I could borrow?"
NG: "Nope, sorry, but if you don't mind my asking, why do you need a flashlight in broad dalight?"
Bystander:"I want to check out the inside of the gas tank on a lawnmower I might bid on and if I stick a match in there it might blow up!"
NG: @@##^^&^ {The socket slipped off and I fell on my butt}
Bystander:" Socket slip off?"
Bystander:" You fell on your butt!"
Bystander: "If ol' Arnie was here he'd get those off for you with his bare hands!"
NG:"Who's Arnie?"
Bystander: "You know, that Arnold Terminator or whatever that guy's name is that's the governor of California"
NG:"Well too bad he's not here--maybe he could go check out that gas tank for you"
Bystander:"Got a flashlight?"
NG.:"Nope, but are you SURE a match won't work??"
Bystander: "Why no, everybody knows gas is explosive!!"

Finally, after a lot of effort on my part, and the good effects of all the PB Blaster I was generously applying, th enuts broke loose and the stubborn dual came off. (Even further proof there is a God, since I was about at the point where my normal good nature leaves me, and Mr. Bystander wasn't helpng matters much}

I drove the tractor on the truck, loaded the duals and chained everything down under the watchful eye of Mr. B. When I got done I bid him farewell, but he didn't hear me. He had found himself another new friend.

As I was getting in the truck to head for home, I overheard him say: "That guy who just loaded that tractor isn't very talkative!"
To which his newfound friend replied: "Yep"
Mr. Bystander just shrugged his shoulders and said:"Oh well. Hey--got a flashlight?"

{There, now I feel better!}

Patria    Posted 09-06-2004 at 08:57:33       [Reply]  [No Email]
Great one, New-Gen!

mojo    Posted 09-06-2004 at 04:39:27       [Reply]  [No Email]
I know the he didn't offer to help once, didn't anticipate you might need a tool and hand it to ya, didn't have any better ideas...the worst kind are the ones that stand really close (usually on your tools) and lean over your shoulder while asking their assinine questions. Takes all kinds to make the world go 'round, but I believe them fellers make the world wobble! Great story!

New-Gen    Posted 09-06-2004 at 05:52:56       [Reply]  [No Email]
You have that kind pretty much pegged with one exception: They're usually chock full of better ideas!Only problem is, most of the time they didn't understand the questions they claim to know all the answers to!!

mojo    Posted 09-06-2004 at 06:17:04       [Reply]  [No Email]
Yeah, I should have said HELPFUL ideas!LOL

Alias    Posted 09-06-2004 at 04:30:55       [Reply]  [No Email]
Reminds me of the fellow that walked into a Blacksmith Shop and picked up a hot horse shoe. He immediately dropped it and the smithy said, Hot ain't it? And, the fellow replied, No, it just don't take me long to look at a horse shoe.

As always, you have provided an enjoyable read. Thank You..........gfp

Ron/PA    Posted 09-06-2004 at 01:16:23       [Reply]  [No Email]

LOL...    Posted 09-05-2004 at 19:25:27       [Reply]  [No Email]
Been there, done that.
Chas, rollin on the floor, up here in Maine.

Aprille    Posted 09-05-2004 at 19:33:03       [Reply]  [No Email]
Yaknow..sometimes someone is just being nice..u guys?? Hmm..not so much I think..I didn't DELVE into back logs of what this person wrote..I just offered advice..oo..HOW BAD AM I!! U all are like frickin vulture..nah..too good for that..TURKEY VULTURES..ick..

hey Aprille    Posted 09-06-2004 at 08:49:19       [Reply]  [No Email]

ron,ar,still lurkin..

MissAprille    Posted 09-06-2004 at 19:53:36       [Reply]  [No Email]
Hmm..didn't recall sayin' bad..Sad..pathetic to have to nit pick at someone that was tryin to be helpful..but bad?? No way..Mother Theresa?? SHE was BAD!! Nelson Mandela?? SO BAD!! Willie Nelson?? WAYYY bad! Micheal Jackson?? Ahh Nooo..not bad at all..sad..pathetic yes..definately NOT bad..Yo see my point yes?? Huggs!!

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