Posted 10-06-2004 at 17:26:19
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ADMIIRATION: Our polite recognition of another personís resemblance to ourselves.
ADOLESCENCE: The period when children are certain they will never be as dumb as their parents.
ADOLESCENT: A teenager who acts like a baby when you donít treat him like an adult.
AMERICANS: People with more timesaving devices and less time than any other people in the world.
ANTIDOTE: The medicine that kills dotes.
BACHELOR: A rolling stone that gathers no boss.
BANKER: A fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
BORE: Someone who, upon leaving a room, makes you feel that someone fascinating just walked in.
BUDGET: An attempt to live below your yearnings.
CLOVERLEAF: California's state flower.
CLARITY: The ability to give directions without taking your hands out of your pockets.
CRITIC: A leg-less man who teaches running.
DENTIST: A magician who puts metal into your mouth and pulls coins out of your pocket.
DIET: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.
ECONOMIST: A person who knows more about money than the people who have it.
EDITOR: A person employed at a newspaper, whose business is to separate the wheat from the chaff - and see the chaff is printed.
EXPERIENCE: The name we give our mistakes.
HONEYMOON: The vacation a man takes before beginning work under a new boss.
HOSPITAL BED: A parked taxi with the meter running.
HUNCH: What you call an idea that your afraid is wrong.
IGNORAMUS: Someone who doesnít know something that YOU learned yesterday.
INCENTIVE: The possibility of getting more money than you earn.
LAME DUCK: A politician whose goose has been cooked.
LIFE INSURANCE: A contract that keeps you poor so you can die rich.
PEDIATRICIANS: Men of little patients.
PANTRY: A collection of pants.
PLANNING: The art of putting off until tomorrow what you have no intention of doing today.
PREACHER: One who talks in someone else's sleep.
RICH MAN: One who isnít afraid to ask the clerk to show him something cheaper.
REPARTEE: Something great we think of 24 hours too late.
RESORTS: Place where people go for change and rest. And where the waiters get all the change and the landlord gets the rest.