Posted 11-08-2004 at 03:49:00
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I was standing outside in the yard talking to my sister in Texas on my cell phone. We're a year apart; what we don't know about each other is non-existant. We look out for each other, stick up for each other and laugh and cry with each other. Despite the miles between us, we couldn't be any closer if we were conjoined twins. You don't know somebody for forty-three years without building a bond that can't even be weakened by some twelve- hundred miles.
Actually, what I was doing was taking Red Dog out to go to the bathroom. I had been keeping him in the house so that he could heal up after coming home all cut up. As I watched him wander about the yard, I suddenly saw his ears go up and he began to sniff the air. I soon found out why. The new neighbor's female black lab was coming down the driveway, looking all...feminine. Within two minutes she and Red Dog found each other and nature took its course...right there in the middle of the driveway not two feet from the gate.
"Oooops." I said, and then told my sister what was occuring.
"You farm people." She said.
"This goes on in the city too, Judy. But they ought to make some pretty puppies. Dang...looks like they're uhh, stuck."
"Get the hose." She said.
"It won't reach."
"You mean that would actually work?" Judy asked amazed.
"Well, yeah." I said. "It's a common solution to the problem."
"Oh! I thought I made that up!" She said, laughing.
Seconds later, I heard the neighbor go to calling her dog. And calling and calling. Since the dog couldn't holler back and let her master know that she was otherwise occupied, I walked all the way down the road to let her know what was going on.
"She can't come, she's...ummm..."
"What?! What is it?!"
"Well, she...she's tied up right now." I was trying to be tactful. Its one thing to tell my sister that I have two dogs stuck together in loves embrace in my driveway, but its another to try and explain it to a stanger.
Finally, I just blurted it out.
"She's stuck to my male."
"Oh GREAT!!! That's just great! That's just what I need is a bunch of puppies!"
I just kind of stood there with my cell phone still to my ear.
"WHAT'S she saying?!" Judy wanted to know.
"Hang on, Jude." I said.
"Is she YELLING at you?!" Judy demanded, indignation creeping into her voice.
"She's a lousy mother." The neighbor said. "She had nine puppies last time and didn't take care of them. They cried all the time!"
By now Judy had tuned in to this woman and was taking up slack on my behalf.
"You make sure she knows that HER dog came to YOUR dog and not the other way around!" Judy exclaimed." He was on his own property minding his own business..."
"I've been meaning to get her fixed, but I kept putting it off..." The neighbor said.
"She just came waltzing down the road, the floozy!" Judy was really getting heated up.
"I guess it's too late now!" The neighbor said.
"Has she ever heard of a little procedure called SPAYING?!" Judy wanted to know.
"Well, it's my fault, I suppose she'll come home when she can." The neighbor said. She smiled at me and went back in the house.
"I guess she will! And maybe she ought to keep her at home!" Judy blurted.
I headed back for the house, passing the neighbor's dog on the way. It appeared she and Red Dog had managed to part ways.
"The nerve! Yelling at you because HER dog came to YOUR house!" I turned to watch the lab trot up the road and laughed at Judy.
"She wasn't yelling at ME...she was just yelling. I think she was mad at herself for not having that dog spayed."
"Well it didn't sound like that to me!"
"I think you had to be here to get the full impact." I said.
"Okay, as long as she wasn't yelling at you." Judy said, somewhat mollified.
About that time, Red Dog passed me, following in the wake of the female. No amount of calling, threatening or bribing could get him to so much as look back.
"Well, Red Dog just followed that hussy up the road." I told Judy letting her know that the situation had changed, as I had suspected it would.
There was a sharp intake of breath and then a giggle from the other end.
"Uh oh." She said. "You're on your own this time." She let me know.
"Thanks a LOT!" I said, laughing.
Through it all, I was just thankful that in the matter of the 'who's dog was where' debate, I had been there to act as moderator between my "blood is thicker than water" sister, and my new neighbor. There coulda been a fist fight.(grin)