Posted 12-07-2004 at 14:01:08
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Three men are standing outside the Pearly
Gates when St. Peter opens one morning. He
says gentlemen there's been kind of a rush on
the place lately so in order to catch up on
housing we're only letting in those who have
died in the most gut wrenching
circumstances, the rest will have to wait.
The first man steps up. For years I've known
my wife was cheating on me but I could never
catch her at it. One day I had this feeling she
was at it again and by chance I was able to
leave work early. All the way home the thought
of what she was doing kept eating at me,
when I got to our apartment building I had
worked myself up pretty good.
The elevator took too long so I ran up the
stairs to our 14th floor apartment, burst
through the door, ran to our room and sure
enough there she laid in a slinky gown but no
man. I was a raging bull, I tore the apartment
up from one end to the other but I couldn't find
the rotten bugger.
I stepped out on the balcony to cool off and
collect my head and there hanging from the
railing was the slimeball, I blew. I tried
everything I could to pry that bugger loose but
he had a death grip on the rail, I got so mad I
ran back in and got a hammer and smashed
his fingers again and again until they were
nothing but pulp. He finally let loose and
plunged to the ground below. Do ya think that
killed him? Nooo, he landed in some bushes
and survived. I was so mad I went back in and
wrestled the fridge to the balcony and threw it
off, it landed on the SOB and killed him
instantly. By then I was in such a state that I
died from a massive heart attack.
St. Peter stood wide eyed. You poor man,
how horrible! Please come in.
The second man steps up. I was out on the
balcony of our 15th story apartment riding my
stationary bike when all the sudden a gust of
wind knocked me off, I thought I was a goner,
lucky for me I caught the rail of the apartment
below. I hung there for the longest time
screaming bloody murder. When I thought I
could hold on no more a man came out, I
thought I was saved ! Instead he went crazy,
screaming, hollering, beating my face and
fingers with his fists .... I don't know how but I
held on through the whole attack. I was so
relieved when he finally left but then he came
back with a hammer and beat my fingers to a
pulp, I couldn't hold on any more and plunged
to the ground. As fate would have it I landed in
some bushes and lived ! When I got my wits
about me I started to climb out when that
lunatic throws a fridge over the edge, it killed
St. Peter let the man in without hesitation.
The third man steps up. Picture this, I'm
hiding naked in a fridge ....
|Greeks Italians ||
Posted 12-07-2004 at 15:26:47
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LOL, that was funny! Another joke, WARNING Raunchy...
A Greek and Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture.
The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon"
The Italian says, "We have the Coliseum"
The Greek says, "We had great Mathematicians"
The Italian says, "We had the Roman Empire"
..and so on and so on and then the Greek says: "We invented sex".
The Italian says, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women...