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Warning: Some Christian Humor
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~Lenore    Posted 12-14-2004 at 08:03:59       [Reply]  [No Email]
Some Christian Humor~~~~
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.
========

Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord,"
And there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."
========

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
========

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
========

While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do Not step in exhaust"
========

A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, whose arts in Heaven... "
========

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."
========

People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
========

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy." the young boy replied excitedly, "It stands for
'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
========

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about. The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt." Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about. He said "Be not afraid, thy Comforter is coming."
========!

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.
Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play.
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute organist became the regular organist!
________

Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk!


SusieQ    Posted 12-14-2004 at 17:50:48       [Reply]  [No Email]
Chuckling all the way to the end Lenor, have a friend who enjoys these, she is a methodist pastor and has such a sense of humor, I would imagine in today's old world, a pastor/priest all would have to be able to laugh, along with crying for souls....Many thanks.


Texas    Posted 12-14-2004 at 11:25:00       [Reply]  [No Email]
LOL...even us heathens find humor in those :)
Thanks Lenore!


sammy the RED    Posted 12-14-2004 at 10:46:02       [Reply]  [No Email]
LMAO......Good Jokes!


DD    Posted 12-14-2004 at 09:19:01       [Reply]  [No Email]
Good ones Lenore : )


GeneSC    Posted 12-14-2004 at 08:51:19       [Reply]  [No Email]
Very Good Lenore, liked the "good news & bad news"
unfortunately -------------"it's true"


~Lenore    Posted 12-14-2004 at 09:35:31       [Reply]  [No Email]
Yes I also agree with that one.
It is unfortunately true.


Alias    Posted 12-14-2004 at 08:41:00       [Reply]  [No Email]
Very funny and refreshing, Lenore. But, why did you put up a warning sign?


~Lenore    Posted 12-14-2004 at 09:29:40       [Reply]  [No Email]
Just being PC. :-)
Dont want to offend those who do not want any "religion" snuck in on them.


:)    Posted 12-14-2004 at 09:51:07       [Reply]  [No Email]
Playing 'Church'

After a hardy West Virginia rainstorm filled all the potholes in the streets and alleys, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in the puddle through her kitchen window. The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of his head and shoved his face into the water hole.

As the boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother runs to the yard in a panic. "Why on earth did you do that to your little brother?!" she says as she shook the older boy in anger.

"We were just playing 'church' mommy" he said. "I was baptizing him in the name of the Father, the Son and in the hole-he-goes. "


~Lenore    Posted 12-14-2004 at 10:02:30       [Reply]  [No Email]
Kids!
Nothing complicated in their theology!
You gotta love em. LOL


Doc    Posted 12-14-2004 at 13:49:42       [Reply]  [No Email]
(smile)


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