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Country Discussion Topics
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Another Reason It's Good To Be A Woman
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EIEIO    Posted 05-21-2002 at 20:15:22       [Reply]  [No Email]
Hey Ladies does this sound familiar? I looked for this all night in order to answer back to all those guys who made smart remarks to us re Ollie's message - LOL

Oil Changing Instructions for Women:
1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
$20.00 for oil change
$1.00 for coffee.
TOTAL: $21.00

Oil Change Instructions for Men:
1. Go to store, spend $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2. Get home to discover that the used oil container is full.
3. Instead of taking it to local repair garage for recycling, dump in hole in back yard.
4. Open a beer and drink it.
5. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
6. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
7. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
8. Place drain pan under engine.
9. Look for 9/16th box end wrench.
10. give up and use crescent wrench.
11. Unscrew drain plug.
12. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil ; get hot oil on you in process.
13. Clean up mess.
14. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
15. Look for oil filter wrench.
16. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
17. Beer.
18. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
19. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
20. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
21. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
22. Walk to 7 Eleven; buy beer.
23. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
24. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
25. Remember drain plug from step 11.
26. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
27. Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
28. Drink Beer.
29. Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
30. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
31. Drink beer.
32. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
33. Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.
34. Begin cussing a fit.
35. Throw wrench.
36. Swear 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss May (2002) in her overabundant chest.
36. Beer.
37. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38. Beer.
39. Beer.
40. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41. Beer.
42. Lower car from jack stands.
43. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45. Beer
46. Test drive car.
47. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
48. Car gets impounded.
49. Make bail: Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
$50.00 parts
$25.00 Beer
$75.00 replacement set of jack stands
$1,000.00 Bail
$200.00 Impound and towing fee

TOTAL: $1,350.00


Ron/PA    Posted 05-22-2002 at 11:06:59       [Reply]  [No Email]
If I thought I wouldn't get Kim fired up I would send you the shower like a woman/shower like a man story but I think I will leave well enough alone.
Ron


EIEIO    Posted 05-22-2002 at 12:16:02       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Now that you have my curiosity up, you can e-mail it to me.

Thanks
Toni


WallSal55    Posted 05-22-2002 at 09:39:05       [Reply]  [No Email]
This is how I feel about my husband: (like Randy
Travis' song) "I will love you forever and ever, forever and ever, Amen! As long as old
women, talk about old men"
My husband does something one way, I do it
another way. But love holds us together!
It's just a plain miracle.


Scott (TN)    Posted 05-22-2002 at 09:14:36       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I don't see your point?


EIEIO    Posted 05-22-2002 at 09:56:51       [Reply]  [No Email]
That is exactly my point!


Touche' GREAT -    Posted 05-22-2002 at 16:12:52       [Reply]  [No Email]
But I bet he still doesn't get it!


Scott (TN)    Posted 05-22-2002 at 09:14:27       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I don't see your point?


Ollie    Posted 05-22-2002 at 08:40:48       [Reply]  [No Email]
Great!! Sounds familiar, have you been watching my FIL?? Except he doesn't clean up.

Put in a new huge patio last year for him. Had our backhoe, dump truck, etc. over there. Spent a lot of time making everything nice, including cleaning up a lot of garbage. They built a deck over part of it out of the fake wood so they have a nice place to entertain. It's gorgeous.

Went over there Mother's day. He had their motor home pulled up on the patio, tools all over. He was going to change the oil and do some other work on it right there!! Didn't like it when we said that was the last project we were going to help them with if that's the way they showed appreciation. He pouted and got upset. Asked him why he didn't use his shop (40'x60'). It's too full of junk to put anything else in it and too much work to clean out a spot.

MIL was upset he was using it, but he refused to listen to her. BOY, IS HE GOING TO PAY FOR THAT!!
We left shortly after planting her a new dogwood once the two of them agreed on a spot.


EIEIO    Posted 05-22-2002 at 10:00:45       [Reply]  [No Email]

AMEN!!


Fred Tx    Posted 05-22-2002 at 08:20:34       [Reply]  [No Email]
WELL!!!! I represent those remarks.


Farmer wantabe    Posted 05-22-2002 at 04:35:26       [Reply]  [No Email]
but,.. but,.. but,.. we use a gen-you-ine Fram filter, top quality oil, an we check for utter loose things under there that mite get ya hurt. We are just tr'en to look out fer our missus.


EIEIO    Posted 05-22-2002 at 04:47:53       [Reply]  [No Email]
Farmer Wantabe, if you think I fell for that excuse you'll think I am sending that $6.00 to that post Ira left to make $100.00 a day.

Have a great day!


jamo    Posted 05-22-2002 at 03:27:36       [Reply]  [Send Email]
So very, very true! Loved it!


Mark Hendershot    Posted 05-21-2002 at 21:01:24       [Reply]  [No Email]
I love it! Sounds right for a few guys I know! PS just make sure the Jiffy Lube guys put your drain plug in with out cross threading it like they did to me once! Mark H.


Dave in Mo    Posted 05-22-2002 at 09:41:46       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I went to one of those places..........1 time. They forgot to tighten the drain plug! Now I understand they don't do that anymore, they use a pump to suck up the oil thru the dipstick tube so they don't crossthread etc anymore!


Mark Hendershot    Posted 05-22-2002 at 11:32:50       [Reply]  [No Email]
I only used them when I was in a hurry to get it done. They would get mad because I watch them like a hawk when they would do it. They allways wanted me to go have some coffie but I knew better then to let them have free rain on my rig. Mark H.


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