Posted 02-08-2005 at 17:35:24
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Being Fat Tuesday and all, this is a good time to share a little New Orleans experience. In the mid-80s, I was stationed in New Orleans - 4th Marine Division and 4th Marine Air Wing (we were the active duty crew that supported the Marine Reserve units around the world).
Being a Marine and being in New Orleans is not always the best combination. I spent 4 years there and became quite comfortable at several drinking establishments. I attained "regular" status at several. One, just off St Charles Street was one of my favorites. Good tequila - reasonable prices - not a tourist joint - and a great looking bartender.
One Friday night after duty several buddies and I went to have a few drinks. There was a brand new bouncer at the door. Hmm. He didn't know us and we didn't know him. He could tell we were Marines (go figure with the hair cuts and the attitudes). We spent an enjoyable evening yuckin it up and having fun. Meanwhile, Barney Fife at the door kept a real close eye on us. One of my buddies went outside for a minute. While outside he decided it was a good time to relieve himself in the bushes. Well Barney Fife threw a fit and decided to push our intoxicated buddy around while his pants were unfastened. Our buddy apparently got mad started running his mouth. Barney called in the cops and within about 5 minutes he was off to jail.
We had no idea this took place until we decided to look for him about 1/2 hour later. Barney Fife was talking crap to us, showed us his badge, and decided it was time to start ordering us around. I decided I heard about as much of his crap as I was going to take so I proceeded to threaten to lay him out on the deck patio of the bar if he didn't shut his pie hole. Badge or not, I made sure he knew I wasn't kidding.
Hey actually calmed down a bit and went back to his stool by the door. I was still hoppin mad so I decided to continue screwing with him for a while. Staring and flipping him the one-finger-wave from inside the bar every time he tried to locate me.
Barney decided to go for a walk. I followed. I crossed the street and walked around the block with him (he is on one side of the street, I am on the other). He stops at a car, reaches in and pulls out his nightstick. Proceeds to cross the street straight at me. I shared with him how I felt about his choice of weapons and started to walk away. Barney then swung that baton and hit me in the back of the knee. I turned around to be met with the baton on the side of my head. The next swing came at my head again but I caught it that time. Just as I was about to put my fist through Barney's face, four squad cars containing New Orleans finest screech up. One bumps me. I still have one hand on his nightstick, the other is balled up in a fist right above Barney's face, and I get off-balance because of the car hitting me. Before I can regain my balance, I have at least five cops (uniforms this time) yank me and throw me on the hood of the car. Of course, I got the baton in the back of the head for good measure. Two pairs of handcuffs slapped on me. And stuffed in the back of one of the cars. Back to the bar we went. Time to find my buddies and make an example out of me.
My buddies apparently saw me in the car and blended into the crowd enough to avoid being seen. Off to jail I go. As I am being processed, one of my buddies arrives in another car. Hey now three of us are in jail. The latest arrival was my room mate. That's great, who am I going to call to bail me out?
Well after the call to Theo the bail bondsman and $1000 later, I am back home. $500 for bail and the cops stole my brand spanking new $500 gold watch. Now I know why they put two pairs of cuffs on ... so I could not feel it when the lifted my watch.
In front of the District Attorney Barney puts on his best act. Says I jumped him from the bushes and he fought me off and called for backup. I almost spit I laughed so hard. I told the DA that if I jumped this guy from the bushes he would not even know what happened let alone be in a state to do anything about it. The DA proceeded to chew Barney out for wasting his time annd dropped all the charges.
Any lessons learned? Naw not really. This guy was a Class "A" Pud. I later learned he washed out of boot camp and always like to harrass Marines. That is a bad habit to get into. I suppose by now he has learned that.