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To add your comments to this topic, click on one of the 'Reply' links below.

Wonder how true this really is???
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DD    Posted 02-09-2005 at 10:11:07       [Reply]  [No Email]

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.


You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.


You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.


You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pour the milk down the drain.


You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.

Your stock goes up.


You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.


You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


You have two cows.

You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

You break for lunch.

Life is good.


You have two cows.

You have some vodka.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You have some more vodka.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.


You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.

You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.

You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.


You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.


You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.


You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.


You have two cows.
They are both stoned.


You have no cows.
You have a billion sheep all of which you love.


Don't know how many cows they have as this information is confidential.


You have lots of cows.

You don't know where they are but they were last seen running up interstate 5 towards California.


You have a black cow and a brown cow.

Everyone votes for the best looking one.

Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.

Some people vote for both.

Some people vote for neither.

Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.

Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.


You have millions of cows.

They make real California cheese.

Only five speak English.

Most are illegal.

*Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

Gerrit    Posted 02-09-2005 at 16:06:50       [Reply]  [No Email]

I'm just a little disappointed..

Nothing about Dutch and Puerto Rican cows????

just kidding..

Melanie    Posted 02-09-2005 at 12:53:56       [Reply]  [No Email]
LMAO @ the Jamaican cows...

steve19438    Posted 02-09-2005 at 11:09:16       [Reply]  [Send Email]
it all makes sense to me!
who gets the hamburger????

don't    Posted 02-09-2005 at 11:24:54       [Reply]  [No Email]
want one..i'm scared of cows......H

~Lenore    Posted 02-09-2005 at 10:29:38       [Reply]  [No Email]

You have two cows.

Hummmm .... I dont have my two cows!!
Maybe some guilty feeling successful Democrat will give me theirs. I'd just as soon Barbra not sing to me though, besides I thought she moved to Canada.

Funny, DD. This is not intended to agitate or flame any political operatives! It is just a jest.

toolman    Posted 02-09-2005 at 10:38:04       [Reply]  [No Email]
nope we deported her back to la la land.

big fred    Posted 02-09-2005 at 11:08:22       [Reply]  [No Email]
Yeah, I've heard Canadia doesn't want Americans to immigrate unless they can show they can contribute something to Canadian society.

toolman    Posted 02-09-2005 at 11:10:23       [Reply]  [No Email]
hey fred , don,t tell anyone but she was a canadian to begin with but we sent to calif. long ago .

big fred    Posted 02-09-2005 at 13:16:57       [Reply]  [No Email]
California has much lower standards than Canadia, I'm sure. Otherwise how to account for San Francisco?

toolman    Posted 02-09-2005 at 13:24:52       [Reply]  [No Email]
well what about vancouver bc lol.

big fred    Posted 02-09-2005 at 14:56:35       [Reply]  [No Email]
Funny thing about Vancouver. When I was a kid in North Dakota my little hometown had one fellow that went to Canada to avoid the draft in the 60's. I hadn't heard anything about him since he went, his family didn't talk much about him, and even though he and my older brother had been good friends, they never had contact after he left (my brother was drafted and served in Germany). After college I took a job at Boeing near Seattle, and one evening I turned on the teevee and here was ol' Mark Vrem, the draft dodger, giving the news on the Canadian teevee station. I mentioned it to my brother and he said something to the effect of "Well, that's as good a reason as any not to watch that channel".

Yup, no accountin' for Vancouver.

toolman    Posted 02-09-2005 at 15:16:48       [Reply]  [No Email]
yup quite alot of them folks came up there alot settled in the nelson area too , now they run the city council, have bussiness,only trouble is they still act like old hippys lol.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT    Posted 02-09-2005 at 13:59:41       [Reply]  [No Email]
But at least "ARNOLD" understands tha better things of life.

Hogman who thinks mabe that "HE COW" must have been imported from tha Bay Area.

toolman    Posted 02-09-2005 at 15:19:06       [Reply]  [No Email]
THAT ARNOLD is gonna run your country next boss, i hear they are already planning on making the necessary changes to let him run, SHAME and look how they treated your ARNOLD.

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