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14 year old daughter
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right-wrong    Posted 02-10-2005 at 03:59:00       [Reply]  [No Email]
i am aggravated by my wife calling our 14 year old"s(daughter) 16year old"s(boyfriend"s) people and asking him over. she also takes our daughter to theeir wed night church meeting and seems to me to be helping this relationship out more then she should. happily married 27 years but this is bothering my mood,right here at valentins day. how wrong em i on this one.

MikeT    Posted 02-10-2005 at 09:10:23       [Reply]  [Send Email]
My experience in helping to raise 2 boys and two girls showed me that the mother and father have to communicate well with each other and have a lot of discussions among themselves about the activities of their children. They must also have a good open relationship with their children and keep lines of communication open at all times.

Taking a bull-headed, "Hell no, no way" approach is an invitation to trouble. Be involved in your childrens activities and encourage one-on-one activities between each of the parents and the children. I took my boys through Scouts and my girls through Indian Guides. The wife took the girls through Girl Scouts and the boys through Cub Scouts. Both of us went to all the PTA meetings. We got them involved with church activities (CYF, etc), and political organizations (young Republicans). They were on softball, swimming, soccer, and baseball teams and we either were the coaches or went to most of their games. We went camping a lot. We stayed in touch. (Basically, me and the wife worked our arses off)

Until our children turned 16, we mostly encouraged lots of group activities and tried to discourage as much private activities between the opposite sexes as we could (that we knew of).

A parents activities must center about those of their children during the formative child rearing years. The parents can play after the kids are raised!

All but one of our kids are now married and those 3 have children. All are college degreed, gainfully employed, own homes, and wondering how we raised them! (6 granddaughters and one, yet unknown, on the way!)

We now set back and give child rearing advise to our kids (when asked) and play with our grand kids when we're not otherwise involved with our own play schedule.

Dale Anne    Posted 02-10-2005 at 07:43:15       [Reply]  [No Email]
Howdy Ya'll......A poster said to encourage group outings and a circle of friends...well yes I done that also and always had a house full of kids over. I was just speaking as to how I handled it between the 2 kids that were dating. Ian and colleen werent together every single day Ian worked at a stable and colleen worked at her grandparents coffee shop on weekends. I became friendly with a few of my sons friends and trust me iffin they think they can win brownie points they will tell ya whats going on with the 2 kids involved....hey so and so were fighting about what ya said to colleen...hey so and so are planning to go to the movies did they ask know it's a pg13 dont ya? so I have grown kids and live in the back woods my nick doesnt even speak of girls and trust me I ask...he's still into the boy thing...hang out,party and all and girls just get in the way lol....cant wait till my grandbaby is born so I can have a kid around again...I have raised 3 boys not including the child I took in for a year whose mother needed help for drugs...and all have turned out pretty dang good. I wish they would do dishes,laundry,sewing,cooking and so but thats another story lol...dale anne

You live in W. VA?    Posted 02-10-2005 at 06:49:12       [Reply]  [No Email]
Encouraging a steady relationship of a 14 yr old girl with any one boy is a little back woods appalachain if you ask me. Around here, kids that age are permitted/encouraged to go on what are loosley known as "group dates" A mixed group of kids, (say 5 or 6) go to the movies, games etc. Anything more serious is usually strongly discouraged until over 16. That is not to say that there aren't boy girl pairs working on hoemwork, service projects, school projects etc. but it is more as platonic friends than anything else. We found with our older three kids that this works pretty good. Our 12 yr old is about to start this process.

Terry Sherman    Posted 02-10-2005 at 07:02:32       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I strongly RESENT your reference to West Virginia. I agree that it may be a backwoods idea but I am DURNED tired of the West Va. jokes and must defend my state. Come to WV and see how progressive we can be. Terry Sherman

Hollie    Posted 02-10-2005 at 08:57:11       [Reply]  [No Email]
and so the same goes for missouri's hillbillys....every state has a joke a bout that to some degree....however!...i did marry my brother's wife's brother....(now think...yep, sister and brother married brother and sister, our kids are double cousins) ....*smile*

You live in W. VA?    Posted 02-10-2005 at 07:31:24       [Reply]  [No Email]
As a resident of Pennsyltucky, I am sooooo glad that W. VA has the reputation it does, or we'd have it.

Steve/TN    Posted 02-10-2005 at 07:19:17       [Reply]  [No Email]
Don't let it get to ya, Terry, I think he really meant to say "Tennessee". We're bad to marry young and to marry kin down here.

Clipper    Posted 02-10-2005 at 05:41:30       [Reply]  [No Email]
Have the boy spend the night at yer place....sleep inna seperate room or the couch of course....let him get a good look at what the young lady looks like in de morning afore she does her beauty primping. He'll go back to sports real quick..... :^)

dale anne    Posted 02-10-2005 at 05:17:43       [Reply]  [No Email]
Howdy I have done this also but on my end it was the boy around the same age as yer daughter..the gal was a lil younger then he. I agree with the post that said better fer mom to know whats going on and have a lil control of the situation. A positive for you is that you get to know the boy.....If you put yer gal in a forbidden from the boy spot you will only get a mad pre-teen that will become sneaky and close all doors to you and yer wife!......what I did was sit them both down and let them both know what I expected from them both and what would not be allowed...told them that I trusted them both and would hate to have to restrict them from seeing each other if it seemed like things were getting sexual!....I also met the parents and grandparents of this gal and told them the same as the told the kids.....I did one time catch them kissing and sent the gal home. I told my son that why this is not wrong he was to young to get into a realationship. I also picked up info on aids and got a tape [free from block busters] about aids and made them both watch it[with her parents blessing]..The gal came over every sunday and ate at our table...went shopping with me...helped me in the garden...and was a part of the family so that she could see how our family was run and learn our values...Ian and colleen were together 3 years and I was sad when they broke up[colleen moved out of state with parents]....I also and yes I guess I will get a backlash from this but better safe then sorry....I put condums in the medicine chest gave Ian the talk and told him that I would never look into the box[of course I did] and that I trusted him to think about what he would be doing and all that could happen if they should decide to have I let him and her know I didnt condone it...but I rather have had my son have a choice to use protection if they did decide to....right or wrong i'm not sure but he is now 18..not a father,not into drugs,going to school to be a doctor,a very good boy in my I must have done something wright....{liberal mom} dale anne

Well said Dale ...    Posted 02-10-2005 at 05:32:47       [Reply]  [No Email]
I think your approach is wise and thoughtful. Invite the youngsters into your everyday life so they know where they will end up.
Wish my parents had thought of that with me.

screaminghollow    Posted 02-10-2005 at 07:20:07       [Reply]  [No Email]
There's a big difference between cautious oversight and encouragement. From his "facts" which of course are his take, it sounds almost like she's fostering a relationship with the future inlaws. I certainly don't think someone should be unfriendly, and getting to know someone puts you in the position of being able to talk more openly with them. She ought to be encouraging a larger circle of friends, male and female, for group outings. Get together with the parents of all the group. That is indeed the custom around here for kids of that age. Our son had a circle of about 10 boys and girls, friends with whom he would do things as a group. We met all the parents. We took turns driving the kids to their functions and outings. We had the whole goup including parents to our place for barbcues and we have been to their places for picnics etc. None of these parents are folks I would have normally socialized with. (I am a bit more earthy than most of them and don't have a lot in common, I don't mind farming, don't play golf or tennis, would rather go hunting etc.)

Charles(Mo)    Posted 02-10-2005 at 05:10:22       [Reply]  [No Email]
My opinion is you are wrong. You can't stop love but MAYBE you can control it. What Gerrit said is true. Although he may be the only person that was in highschool at age 12. (grin)
Also haveing the boy around will give you a good idea what kind of person he is.

Gerrit    Posted 02-10-2005 at 13:16:45       [Reply]  [No Email]
Oh well, I guess it's called junior highschool in the States.. In the Netherlands we have a school system where you go to elementary school for 6 years( from age 6 to 12 ) and after that it's something that could be translated as highschool..We don't have the division in junir high and highschool..

Whatever, it was the first year in the school after elementary..and yes, I was 12 and so was she..

Les    Posted 02-10-2005 at 04:39:56       [Reply]  [No Email]

Gerrit    Posted 02-10-2005 at 04:26:37       [Reply]  [No Email]
Sorry to disagree, but I think your wife is right..
It's better control a teenage puppy love than letting it go it's own way IMHO..

Remember when you had your first girlfriend??

Fawteen    Posted 02-10-2005 at 04:35:30       [Reply]  [No Email]
Not at 14, I don't. But that's another rant...

Gerrit    Posted 02-10-2005 at 04:53:36       [Reply]  [No Email]
I had my first girlfriend when I was 12..
We were in the same classroom in highschool..After school we would ride on our bicycles to her home - holding hands :-)..
Her mom made us a cup of tea and I would stay for an hour or so, before I went home..

Because her mom allowed us and invited me in, we didn't have to hide 'our thing'...
It wasn't more than the occaisional kiss on the cheek, but we were sooo in love LOL.. It lasted almost a year.. Still remember her name and her face..Louise..
Ah, memories... :-)

Fawteen    Posted 02-10-2005 at 04:59:54       [Reply]  [No Email]
I guess I was a late bloomer. Had no use for girls until I was maybe 15.

Unfortunately, they had no use for me until I was 24...

sawtooth    Posted 02-10-2005 at 04:10:22       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I don't know any more about this than what it sounds like you're saying. My thought is there isn't anything worse in a young romance than a doting parent. Does your wife have "a thing" for this young guy herself?

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