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One fer the fellas....
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Clipper    Posted 02-11-2005 at 14:36:30       [Reply]  [No Email]
Here is an inside guide for men to understand women

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:


SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed.....+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You l eave the toilet seat up.....-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.....0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.... -2

You vacuum the floor....+5

You do the laundry....+10

You mixed whites with colors....-10

You washed her dry cleaning.....-50

You clean the bathtub....+5

You clean the toilet.....+15

You used her hair brush to scrub with....-20

You clean the garage....0

You mow the grass.....0

While mowing, you accidentally run over her azalea bush.....-10

While she's pruning it.....-100

You cook dinner.....+5

You burn dinner.....-5

The kitchen catches on fire.....-20

The house burns down.....-100
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+20
In the snow .....+5
But return with beer.....-5
And no liners.....-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
It's her cat.....-40


AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party.....0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy.....-2
Named Tiffany.....-4
Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
With breast implants.....-18


HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday.....0
You buy a card and flowers.....+1
You take her out to dinner.....+1
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+5
Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-5
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team ...-10


A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal.....0
The pal is happily married.....+1
The pal is single.....-5
He drives a Ferrari.....-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15

Your can't be reached, because your cell phone battery died.....-100


A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.....+2
You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You take her to a movie you hate.....+10
You take her to a movie you like.....-2
It's called Death Cop III.....-5
Which features Cyborgs that crush human skulls.....-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-20


YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it.....+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-30
You say, "It doesn't matter , you have one too.".....-100


THE BIG QUESTION:
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding.....-10
You reply, "Where?".....-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your bum".....-50
Any other response.....-20


COMMUNICATION: When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0
You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
Your mind wanders to sports & you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do?".....-25
You have fallen asleep.....-50

You died from boredom.....-100


ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk.....-50
You don't talk.....-50
You spend time with her......-50
You don't spend time with her.....-50
You seem to be enjoying yourself..-50


GAME OVER - YOU LOSE


Dug    Posted 02-11-2005 at 16:55:37       [Reply]  [No Email]
The one thing I don't understand: Why didn't someone tell me this BEFORE I got married?

Dug


Farmall    Posted 02-12-2005 at 16:45:01       [Reply]  [Send Email]

Yer post reminds me of the story bout the propolaic company. It seems they were giving tours of the operation so as to assure people that they were safe to use. Well, theyre watch the assembly line going on. The things would be made, come on down the line, and be blown up with air, deflated, and v acumn packed. BUT, when and after 10 went down, the nexgt one to be blown up would be pricked by a needle and go flat, which it would also be packed. A guy asked why the needle was doing that. The spokesman for the company replied, How do you suppose we keep our line of baby products selling. And as to yer post, they dont tell us guys the name of the game until weve signed up, and have lost time or two. Iffn we knew whats up ahead of time, nobody would sign up


deadcarp    Posted 02-11-2005 at 18:46:52       [Reply]  [No Email]
we're happily married cuz this is the 2nd marriage. see - you lose 1 alligator, you start feeding them better! lol


SusieQ    Posted 02-11-2005 at 15:58:33       [Reply]  [No Email]
Laughing so hard can hardly scroll down to read, pretty good.


DD    Posted 02-12-2005 at 08:45:35       [Reply]  [No Email]
Me too SusieQ : ) Too funny Clipper!


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