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Country Discussion Topics
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Mammogram joke 4 da ladies
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Hollie    Posted 02-16-2005 at 08:27:54       [Reply]  [No Email]
Just have to share this one...it's too funny.

I actually kept my mammogram appointment.

I was met with, "Hi, I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier
smiled
from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I
need
you to do is step into this room here, strip to the waist, then
slip on
this gown. Everything clear?"
I'm thinking, "Belinda ... try decaf. This ain't rocket
science."

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. Call me
crazy,
but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a
perfectly
healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60
seconds.
Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything
nice...it's
Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold
4-inch
piece of square glass and still pop back into shape. With the
right
side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and
said,
"Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in so we can
get
everything?

Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised and out of air, so why
not use
the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?
My
body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other
boob
wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass) when we
heard, then
felt, a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! What?" I
yelled.

"Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda
headed for
the door.
"Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone, are you?"
I
shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy
puppy...the
door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll
be right
back."

Before I could shout, NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's
exactly how
Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me,
half-naked and
part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part
smashed
between glass!
After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings,
Bubba (or
possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power
was off.
Trying to disguise my hysteria I replied with as much calmness
as
possible. "Uh, yes...yes I did, thanks."

"You bet, take care," Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though
I'd
been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and
making
no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am soooo
sorry!
The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I
went to lunch. Are we upset?"
"And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between
the
clamps."



KatG    Posted 02-16-2005 at 11:33:27       [Reply]  [Send Email]
ROTFLMAO!!!!!...I did go for my mashing too this appt....After losing so much weight they tried to compare one years film to this time...The one that read the film call and ask if I was the right person and had I been sick..lol...Told me to tell the nurse if and when there is a big difference in weight...Okay...KAt


Melanie    Posted 02-16-2005 at 09:22:28       [Reply]  [No Email]
...nother reason for me to be unconvinced I need this....

;)


donna in w.v    Posted 02-16-2005 at 14:30:46       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Texas and Hollie are right DON"T YOU DARE NOT GO!! My mom had to have a double radical mastectomy because she never went for a mamagram till she was almost 60 but when she did they found it in time to save her life. she has a great sense of humor and says"I may be flat chested but I"M STILL BREATHING"every year when it's close to the time I get mine she sends a pretty card to remind me with a note that says "I want to sent these to you for a long time to come,love mom"


I promise, I promise!!!    Posted 02-16-2005 at 15:00:44       [Reply]  [No Email]
I swear I'll go!!! :)
I was just joking, with my weird sense of humor.
Thanks for the concern, though!
:) :) :)
Melanie


Texas    Posted 02-16-2005 at 10:59:58       [Reply]  [No Email]
Melanie...Girl you better tell me you are joking....

That uncomfortable little xray has saved many a life.

Ive lost two very close friends due to breast cancer...both at a very undeserveing young age.


Melanie    Posted 02-16-2005 at 13:46:53       [Reply]  [No Email]
No, I'm absolutely joking... cringing, but joking... this'll be my first year to go do this, since I lost my mother to the dread disease. But it's one of those, "If I don't laugh, I'll cry" scenarios. :)


Patria    Posted 02-16-2005 at 12:02:40       [Reply]  [No Email]
Right!

Mel? I gotta stand by Texas on this one...

Hollie..thanks for the laugh!


hollie    Posted 02-16-2005 at 12:13:22       [Reply]  [No Email]
your welcome and mel!!!! don't make me plan a road trip....and draaaaaaaaaaag your "girls" to the doc.....LOL


dale anne    Posted 02-16-2005 at 09:05:11       [Reply]  [No Email]
lmao........ohhh I got to tell my sister this one...thanks fer the giggle...dale anne


seahag    Posted 02-16-2005 at 08:45:49       [Reply]  [No Email]
OMG LOLOLOLOLOLOL....my coffe came outa my nose....


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