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To add your comments to this topic, click on one of the 'Reply' links below.

How would you rather die?
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New-Gen    Posted 02-28-2005 at 05:26:24       [Reply]  [No Email]
Some of the recent posts and replies have aroused my curiosity, so I'm going to ask a question:If you had a choice, would you rather die alone or have your family and friends at your side?

My Dad died after an anurysm and 5 weeks in ICU. When they told us there was no more anyone could do we unhooked the life support, and with 9 of us there to give him a proper sendoff he slipped away peacefully.

My Mom passed away after a 4 year battle with cancer. In the end she was paralyzed from the shoulders down, but was still 100% in her right mind. I visited her in the nursing home at noon that last day, she was in good spirits and said she was feeling well with the exception of from the shoulders down which she couldn't feel at all (Yes, she really did say that, so now you know where my warped sense of humor came from)......At 11:30PM that night she was having trouble breathing, they took her to the hospital where she never regained conciousness. At 8:00 AM the next morning, after no change in her vitals all night I told the nurses I was going to go uptown for a quick breakfast....I had left my cell phone in the truck, when I opened the door (in the hospital parking lot), it was was the nurse I had just talked to calling to tell me she had passed was like she had waited for us all to leave so she could "make the big transaction" alone......

My sister lives 4 hours away, so it was agreed that there was no point in her leaving at midnight when I was right there close..she left her house at daybreak.....when I called her on her cell phone to break the news she was halfway there.....and to this day she swears that she talked to Mom on the phone from the ER.....however, the ER staff on duty that night told me that our mother never was conscious the entire time she was there......they have no reason to lie, neither does my sister.....

I personally would rather go the way Mom did...alone....but I would want to carry it one step farther...I would prefer that nobody even knew I was sick.... if I ever get a terminal illness I would just rather dissapear one day and never come back.... I don't want a bunch of people hovering over me..

Everyone has their own ideas on this most personal of subjects, this is mine, neither right or wrong, just my MY PRESONAL PREFFERENCE.......If you've read this far, thank you, ok, now the "New-Gen Morbid Monday Morning Moment" is over...

Hal/WA    Posted 02-28-2005 at 21:06:21       [Reply]  [No Email]
I'd like to go to bed some night feeling fine and just not get up the next morning. I think my affairs are well enough in order so if it happened tonight, it wouldn't be all that bad for those I would leave behind. I am sure they would miss me, but I would be in a better place.

I would hate to suffer for months with no real hope for recovery--I think I would end it while I still could accomplish the deed. I watched a brother in law decline for 6 months until he went into a coma for another month with cancer. He hurt horribly, even with heavy doses of drugs. Sure not the way I would like to go.....

I guess I would selfishly prefer to die alone, and quickly, but I suppose it is easier on family if they get a chance to say goodbye. Just my opinion.

Darryl - MO    Posted 02-28-2005 at 16:34:41       [Reply]  [No Email]
My father died this past Oct 18th. He was 86 and had been 'declining' for the last couple of years. Dad had cardiac arrest and just dropped. My wife had stoped in for some reason and she called me to get there quickly. I was outside at the grill and had heard sirens (Mom & Dad live about a mile down the road) but didn't associate it with them. I got there to a yard full of emergency vehicles and people. They were working with Dad, but I could see right away that they were just going through the required motions. Anyway, Mom & Dad were married for 65 years (65 HAPPY years, Mom always says) and he got to go quickly and in her arms. Not bad, not bad at all. I had stopped in a couple of hours before on my way home from work and visited for a while. I had debated on stopping then or later if I went out again. I'll always be glad I listened to the 'voice' telling me to stop then.

Indydirtfarmer    Posted 02-28-2005 at 16:31:02       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Heat stroke caused by the 150 candles on my birthday cake......

Bob/Ont    Posted 02-28-2005 at 11:53:59       [Reply]  [No Email]
FAST and without WARNING, Been close many times and looking back it's frightening.
Later Bob

Gerrit    Posted 02-28-2005 at 14:25:39       [Reply]  [No Email]
Well, I think I'd like to fall asleep and never wake up again..
I absolutely don't want to suffer for years and finally die.. If I would get an illness which would cause that, I would take care of exiting fast one way or another..My family knows this- I might have to get a notarized will to formalize this..

But hey, like Patria, said, ask me again in 30 years!

big fred    Posted 02-28-2005 at 11:31:56       [Reply]  [No Email]
Well, depends, do we get to take someone with us?

toolman    Posted 02-28-2005 at 13:38:20       [Reply]  [No Email]
i kinda like the NOT AT ALL option

KellyGa    Posted 02-28-2005 at 17:21:05       [Reply]  [No Email]
I tend to agree with you Toolman, thats a great option. :)

Hollie    Posted 02-28-2005 at 07:34:45       [Reply]  [No Email]
I've read all the posts and everyone has their own take on leaving this time and space....i however intend on screaming, clawing, laughing, cussing and sliding right out of this world into parts unknown with the knowledge that i did all that i wanted, tried what i could and accepted what was thrown at me....every scar and wrinkle on me is the diary of a life well lived........i'll be kicking butt and taking names all the way to the very end saying......yaaaaaaaaaa-HOOOOOOOOOOOOO what a trip!!!!!

Simple answer ....    Posted 02-28-2005 at 06:15:35       [Reply]  [No Email]
But you already know this New-Gen.

On my Harley. And there is only room for one passenger on the bike.

- Peanut

New-Gen    Posted 02-28-2005 at 06:19:02       [Reply]  [No Email]
Good choice Peanut....the 9N wouldn't be able to get up enough speed to kill you....all that poor little underpowered thing would be able to do is maim you...then poor D would have to spend the rest of her life taking care of you...
(Sorry, couldn't resist)

Ron/PA    Posted 02-28-2005 at 07:07:55       [Reply]  [No Email]
That ain't right NG, it could roll over, and if that didn't do it, we'd send D for a chain and roll it again, and again, and again! LOL

Patria    Posted 02-28-2005 at 06:54:43       [Reply]  [No Email]
I was checking out how things were doing around these your post about 30 minutes ago, been reading the replies. I like Mondays, but this one is overloading..and pretty fast too.

I just came back from the hospital from taking my uncle Toñ:o to a doc's appointment. Came back home to have some coffee and make some calls. His daughter-in-law is with him now. He's 83, but his second childhood seems to want to kick back in. I'll go back to the hospital to check on my titi Luisa, who suffered a stroke on Thursday. A mild one they said. Thursday night I couldn't understand what she was saying, but she was SAYING IT anyways. I thought she would be talking loud and clear soon! Yesterday we had a nice talk, and other than dragging her words, she's talking alright. Can't move her right arm and leg, at all. Doc said she could go home today or tomorrow, therapy krew will come to her house to help her get better. She's in very good spirits, and helping herself too.

In a reply to DD's post further down I wrote about the sudden departure of my daughter's husband's 6 year old nephew. Too many conditions at once for a small body to handdle. He was an angel already, but one who didn't miss a day of fun either. He had the luck to have been born into his family, too.

Anyways...I'm glad I stayed long enough to read your replies too! :-) answer your question aks me again in about 30 years. k?

naw-    Posted 02-28-2005 at 06:32:36       [Reply]  [No Email]
That dorf tractor could kill peenut in a heartbeat.

All you need to do is hook it up to a large log with a stout chain.

Hook the chain at the toplink bracket, then ride that derf like it was a hurley. SPutter then catch!

That will kill you peeneut, for sure. Killed plenty before.

mud (just say no to Ns)

LOL    Posted 02-28-2005 at 06:36:38       [Reply]  [No Email]
"just say no to Ns".

- Peanut, who is still chuckling

geo in MI    Posted 02-28-2005 at 06:10:36       [Reply]  [No Email]
Just like my grandfather, peacefully going to sleep at the steering wheel--not screaming and carrying on like the people in the back seat were doing.......................

mike    Posted 02-28-2005 at 06:01:57       [Reply]  [No Email]
not gonna choose the method I leave this world but I hope I can give folks a 2 week notice. Have lost 3-4 good friends/relatives past couple yrs. what I wouldn't give for the chance to have spent an afternoon w/ them sharing a few old memories.

mud    Posted 02-28-2005 at 07:04:38       [Reply]  [No Email]
Good insight. Thanks-

New-Gen    Posted 02-28-2005 at 06:11:43       [Reply]  [No Email]
Actually when I leave this world I think I'd prefer that people forget I was even here...LOL

deadcarp    Posted 02-28-2005 at 05:48:53       [Reply]  [No Email]
wide awake (still curious:) but alone. i've already opted for cremation - i was a certain way, not that way, if nobody wants to visit now - well that was it. why mess up garden space? some hungry young feller might need it. :)

Alias    Posted 02-28-2005 at 05:45:14       [Reply]  [No Email]
This is somewhat morbid but it is something people should ask themselves. I'm in favor of being alone. And, Nancy and I have pledged out bodies to science. There are two good resons for our decision.

First, We never wanted our children to see us in death. And, even a casket prolongs the agony. Instead, we have arranged to have a quick and short memorial service folowed by food and fellowship so everyone can put some simblance of closure to our passing.

Secondly, whatever that's saved in funeral expenses will go to our estate to be divided amongst our children. Now, my feeling is I can die happier knowing they will get the money rather than a cold hand-wringing funeral director that I don't even know.

And, if some med student happens to carve out the mystery of what made me tick, maybe mankind will benefit........gfp

Gerrit    Posted 02-28-2005 at 14:46:27       [Reply]  [No Email]
I respect your ( and everybody's ) personal choice, of course..

I just would like to tell you how good it was for my dad, me and my sisters to have time to say goodbye to my mom after she died.
My mother suffered form Alzheimer's and her last years were difficult for everyone involved.
When she died my older sister and my dad were present; my younger sister and me spent like 24 hours in her room and we just went to my dad's house to get some sleep.
When we came to the hospice and saw her, looking 'normal' and relaxed again, we saw the mother we knew, not the scared, disturbed Alzheimer's patient. She looked so good again - it was a great comfort to see her like that!

My younger sister is member of church where the died members are brought to a special chapel and stay there until the funeral day. She, my sister, lives in a house connnected to te church - she and her husband are the administrators of that church.
For 2 or 3 days - I don't remember, mother was in that chapel and 24 hours per day somebody would be with her, like it is usual in that church. We took turns and although it was a 'first' for me and I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this and if I could do it, I co-operated. Let me tell you, it was good, just good. The peaceful atmosphere of that chapel, mother in that coffin, again being the person I knew and I lost during the Alzheimer's process..
It gave my dad, my sisters and myself the time to say goodbye, think about her and getting used to the fact that she wasn't on this earth with us anymore.
Her funeral was good as well and the attendance of hundreds of family members and friends gave us all a great deal of comfort..

Every year on the day she died, we ( dad and my sisters ) get together and talk about her, remember her. Ever since I live here, we do this on the phone - my sisters are with my dad and I join over the phone.
I think it's good to look back and be grateful for the great years we had together..

Thank you for reading this..

New-Gen    Posted 02-28-2005 at 06:15:54       [Reply]  [No Email]
Excellant points Alias, I've considered donating this old battle scarred body of mine to science myself...that is after all the usable parts are taken out (sounds like I spent too much time hanging around the local junkyard when I was a kid...) LOL

Ron/PA    Posted 02-28-2005 at 05:39:44       [Reply]  [No Email]
Shot by a jealous husband when I'm 100 wouldn't be bad.

glen sw wi    Posted 02-28-2005 at 06:27:22       [Reply]  [Send Email]
That should be a jelous teenage husband.

Ron/PA    Posted 02-28-2005 at 07:10:58       [Reply]  [No Email]
Why bother shooting? That'd kill me now! LOL

Salmoneye    Posted 02-28-2005 at 05:33:42       [Reply]  [No Email]
I'd rather not, thank you...

Alias    Posted 02-28-2005 at 05:47:57       [Reply]  [No Email]
SE, you sound like my cousin. He said the saddest man at his funeral would be himself...

Really ain't a good subject is it.....gfp

Bah...    Posted 02-28-2005 at 05:52:02       [Reply]  [No Email]
I accepted the fact the day I realized what 'death' was...

I was 6...I cried all night...

Pretty much all downhill from there...



Les    Posted 02-28-2005 at 05:30:09       [Reply]  [No Email]
Alone. Why put people through something unnecessarily? There's no need of it.
This is assuming you have a choice in the matter, of course. The idea of a "death watch" is folly to me. Ain't none of them people there gonna help you over to the other side. It's way too late for that.

Ratface    Posted 02-28-2005 at 06:02:52       [Reply]  [No Email]
death is the second thing people are most afraid of. Does anyone know the first?

New-Gen    Posted 02-28-2005 at 06:24:17       [Reply]  [No Email]
My guess would be life...right?

ratface    Posted 02-28-2005 at 18:30:43       [Reply]  [No Email]
No its not life ,but that does make perfect sense. It's really strange that most people are more afraid of public speaking and list death as their second fear. Just seems out of whack, but then we humans are strange creatures.

Randy    Posted 02-28-2005 at 07:16:22       [Reply]  [No Email]
With me putting so many miles on my Beemer all those years I figured it would've been the motorcycle. Stopped riding though. Gotta be another way now I guess.
Maybe at my NY house fishing or something. Just sit there and go to sleep. Hopefully my wife won't be there. She's a nurse and would probably bounce on my chest trying to save me.

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