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Pitch    Posted 02-28-2005 at 13:35:42       [Reply]  [No Email]
Kind of a strange meloncholey day for me today. I was thrust face to face with my parents mortality and don't know what to make of it.
My mother 73 had congestive heart failure right after the New Year they did surgery and replaced a valve two weeks later a clot broke loose and she suffered a stroke. She is in no immediate danger of dieing but she only has movement in her right arm. She can't swallow so needs to fed through a tube. She has gotten so that she can speak a couple of words but that is about it. Thankfully her mind was not affected.
My father 77 got to thinking that it was time to get their affairs in order so out of 8 kids for some reason he selected me to head things up. I was off today so went out to the house and signed medical proxies power of attorney and such.
It was kind of a surreal feeling as he took me around the house showing me where things were giving me the safe combination and the keys to the gun safe etc. He had attached tags to all the guns listing make model serial number and the price he thought each one should bring. It was just a strange feeling to have him open filing cabinets drawers and such giving me such a window into their private lives.
I know it is a complement to have him value my judgment over the others but I hardly feel qualified when there are others of my siblings who are much more successful in life by the standard measures than I am.
It was just strange even at 49 years of age I am still just a kid when I stand beside them. And now I am being asked to help guide the man who guided me many times kicking and screaming to where I am now though a new part of his life. I don't think that I ever remember dad asking for help in anything before.
Oh well family is family and you do for family so here we go one day at a time.

Sorry to post such a personal thing to all you good folks but I guess it is therapy of a kind for me.

RayP(MI)    Posted 02-28-2005 at 20:40:28       [Reply]  [No Email]
I am the only heir of my parents, and therefore, there wasn't any "dividing up" of stuff. While they were still able to, they sold me the farm and property, with a lifetime lease. That way, the everything came to me when they passed - no probate, no inheritance taxes, etc... Talk to your attorney about this approach to disposal of family estate. Might be a workable option for your family. (Selling price was very reasonable, doesn't have to be market price.)

KatG    Posted 02-28-2005 at 17:13:37       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Mamma is 84 and is in the hospital right now recovering from pneaumonia...Mamma has always been so independant and even lives by her self in a nice little sub. rent apartment complex....My brother and his wife have got her in a bad bind moneywise trying to help them...they are just using her...but anyway whole different story...Had to go into MAmma's apartment to get her hearing aid the other day...The feeling inside her apartment was almost overtaking...There I was looking at Mammas chair and paper just as she left them but no Mamma ....Made me feel like I was so lonesome for the time when MAmma would call us in for supper and we would eat and all sit down to watch Lassie and Bonanza...Time has passed so quickly and time has changed everything but the lonesome feeling when I think there is no home to go home to...Well my childhood home I mean...I am a rambling...Sorry...Been a hard day...KAtG

Short Round    Posted 02-28-2005 at 17:05:26       [Reply]  [No Email]
Went thru the same thing with my dad a few years ago Pitch. Was a strange feeling when he started dividing the tools that ment so much to him thru the years between my brother and myself.Thanks for shareing.

Darryl - MO    Posted 02-28-2005 at 17:02:45       [Reply]  [No Email]
It's not an easy thing to deal with parents' declining days and all the related 'business' end of things. You should be glad that your father is going over things with you and has given thought to the disposition of possessions. Too many people are reluctant to acknowledge their mortality and put things off and wind up handing their survivors a mess to work through. It sounds like your Dad is doing his best to make a tough future task as light and painless for you and your siblings as possible. That's a good and considerate thing to do.

Wacahootaman    Posted 02-28-2005 at 16:59:06       [Reply]  [No Email]

I have been taking of my 86 year old father for 4 years since his car wreck. I have had to retire early and we live off his ss and small pension and what ever I can scrape up to get by.

He is daffy as hell and is sometimes funny and sometimes irrating too. He is wheel chair bound so I gotta really take care of him almost like he was a small child.

Make sure you get a Duraable power of attorney and look up caregiving forums on google. Lots of good info there.

Good luck and God bless

mud    Posted 02-28-2005 at 15:35:05       [Reply]  [No Email]
You have written this well. Many of us have, or will, help our parents through their late years.
No matter how much we do for them, it does not stack up for what they have given us. Lost my father last year. Mother is ninty. Visit often,
dont hold back.

Glad you posted this, it is good to be reminded about what service, honor, and love mean.

deadcarp    Posted 02-28-2005 at 15:51:53       [Reply]  [No Email]
that's called the "debt of the generations" - try to do for your kids what they did for you - then they pass it on...etc.. :)

Dieselrider    Posted 02-28-2005 at 15:19:46       [Reply]  [No Email]
It's never easy to deal with but, we all have to at some point. My dad's already gone, I still have mom yet, I know that day will come too. We never like to think of these kind of things. A friend I used to work with would always say" none of us are gone to get out of this life alive". How true. You hang in there Pitch, you are in our thoughts and prayers.

Hollie    Posted 02-28-2005 at 14:18:10       [Reply]  [No Email]
hey Pitch, don't say your sorry for posting that....thats what we are all here for....i've learned that our "real time" friends are great but never around when ya need to unload...the nice thing about internet contacts/friends is there is always someone listening just a click away....i've been where you are...and yes its a strange feeling...i never felt like a grown up (im' 52) till my mother passed away...and now with daddy's mind so far gone...well, it has made me think of so many things that for years i thought would never happen till "some day"....some day arrives before ya know'll do's just the cycle of life........................h

deadcarp    Posted 02-28-2005 at 13:53:53       [Reply]  [No Email]
i tell ya - about mid-50s hustle til you get that property signed over, power of atty, living will etc - one day it'll sneak up & bich-slap you & suddenly you're 3 years too late to spend-down & enjoy retirement. nursing home owns lotsa dummys' houses. that pine box cares less what you did or got - it all stays here. so i say pass it on early - watch them enjoy it! :)

Joe...    Posted 02-28-2005 at 16:50:03       [Reply]  [No Email]
Dealin with that now, with In-Laws. Mom in law has had one heck of a time with triple bypass(open heart)..developed clots in both legs, then accumilated fluid around her lungs. On O2 for a while, but at least shes back home. Dad in law has been at the end of his rope dealing with all this, and wife and I have sorta had to step in and deal with hospital, drs, therapy, etc. Problem is, were about 225 miles away. We anticipate many weekend flying trips upstate to settle affairs that neither of them are up to doing (both 80, not that thats old, but life hasnt been too kind to em). So, ya do what youre concieved to do. Help family. Period. Prtobably be moving back home by the end of summer, if not earlier. So all I got to say to everyone is to hang in there! The sun will be up in the morning.

Juanmure    Posted 02-28-2005 at 20:16:16       [Reply]  [No Email]
At 76, I just have a will but going to go for a trust. you avoid probate and makes things a lot easier. Putting kids names on things that i know they want , family things. My Mom died and left a whole big mess. Had to pay soo much for lawyers and probate, so dont want to do that to my kids. Want them to get every dollar, they deserve it. the county doesnt. Been giving this a lot of thought and been to some seminars, etc, Seems like a good idea.

seahag    Posted 02-28-2005 at 21:13:37       [Reply]  [No Email]
I feel for you

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