Posted 07-17-2002 at 11:59:32
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Signs That You're Too Drunk ...
24. You lose arguments with objects.
23. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
22. Your Job is interfering with your drinking.
21. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
20. Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
19. You sincerely believe alcohol to be the 5th food group.
18. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence? - I think not!
17. Two hands and just one mouth... - now that's a drinking problem!
16. You can focus better with one eye closed.
15. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
14. Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past
13. You fall off the floor...
12. Hey, five beers has just as many calories as a burger, forget
11. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
10. At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
9.Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
8.The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
7.You think Three Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, and Alcohol.
6.Roseanne looks good.
5.Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
4.That pink elephant followed you home again.
3.You're as jober as a sudge.
2.You wake up screaming "TORO TORO TORO!" in the middle of the night.
and last but not least...
1.Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops!