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Country Discussion Topics
To add your comments to this topic, click on one of the 'Reply' links below.

Pros Cons of raising children in a rural environment
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Raielyn    Posted 08-09-2002 at 10:53:09       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I've lived in a city in Southern CA all my life, I am now presented with an opportunity to move to a township in Central PA which would offer my family the benefits of living in a rural area, while still allowing me to work in Harrisburg as an IT professional. It is the ideal situation...

The catch is I am divorced and in order to move away with my kids, I need to be able to present to the courts why it would be most beneficial to raise my children in Central PA vs. Southern CA.

I know what I would say to this, but I would prefer to have back up of articles and studies on the matter.

I need help! If you know of any place I can find articles or study findings on the pros and cons of raising children in rural vs. city, please post and let me know.

Thanks,

~ Raie


justin    Posted 10-23-2005 at 22:19:34       [Reply]  [Send Email]
if you have found a way to accomplish what we are after please share with us, for we are in the same situation you are. thank you.


Raielyn    Posted 08-12-2002 at 10:18:10       [Reply]  [Send Email]
To Ron/PA I wish to say thanks for the kindness. I'll be taking you up on that offer =)

As for the rest of you...

I did not ask for your personal stories of woe...nor did I request your opinion on my life thus far. I cant even say I am sorry for your specific situations as I don’t tend to comment on situations I know NOTHING about...apparently the same cannot be said for any of you.

As for my specific situation...you apparently believe I am: 1) trying to pull a fast one over the judicial system, 2) that my children are not already part of a loving 2 parent home already and 3) apparently that the kids wont ever see their father again.


So lets take this in order:

1) I am looking for expert opinion because I want to validate my own findings and what I know (in my own heart) to be a better living environment for my kids. Additionally to you who asked why I could not find rural in So Cal…have you been here?? The only “rural” in So Cal is out in the desert, about 50 to 100 miles away from any metropolitan areas, about 50 to 100 miles away from anywhere where I can earn a decent living (and yes I am sure there are exceptions...but in this current economic state, the normal exceptions are not applicable).

2) My husband and I are very loving and supportive parents. So as for moving across the country as a single mother, well that is not the case, but since you did not know the facts, I guess it is okay for you to presume the worst!

3) The father of my children will have visitation, and while it will not be every other weekend, he will have them for a more concentrated amount of time, and no I don’t know if this is fair to him, but I do know it is better to live in a town where the total number of major crimes in 2001 was 42...than a city where the total number of major crimes committed was 379...by major crimes I do mean (rape, larceny, grand theft, etc…), I also know that it is in the best interest of my children to attend school where the graduation rate for high school is 95% vs. 40% and where they will get a chance to see the stars at night without a telescope.

So...now you know a bit more (and by no means everything) about my situation. Does this give you the right to lecture me about choices? NO! If you wish to bash mothers doing the best they can for their kids...try going to another message board...maybe the "WOMEN WHO HAVEN’T BEEN BASHED ENOUGH" board over on the "He Man Women Haters" website?


Pitch    Posted 08-12-2002 at 18:33:46       [Reply]  [No Email]
i was certainly not bashing you and I certainly do not hate women I have been married for 20 plus years to a wonderful woman and we have three great kids together.
I really don't think that the tone of your reply was called for at all. You hit on a subject that affected me deeply and prsonally and I stated my opiion is all and I do not think that I was being judgemental at all.
I live in an area where where the entire population of the county is less than 30,000. My kids are going to graduate in a class of 50 to 60 kids. In this small county the paper is filled with DUI,assault robbery, child molestation,and probably 5 murdrs in the past two years. I think that if you were to take your city numbers and put them up against mine on a per capita basis they would probably come about the same. Only difference is is that we know our criminals personally.
There are a lot of things to consider rural vs. city: shopping WalMart is the only department store and that is 30miles away
grocery store is small and high priced closes at eight pm
gas is a nickel higher than it is in town
roads get plowed whenever have to learn to stock up in the winter
no libraries mueseums or entertainment result petty crime kid have nothing to do for excitement
people are small minded jump to conclusions and bash women on the internet.


Les...fortunate    Posted 08-10-2002 at 07:09:26       [Reply]  [No Email]
I almost answered you last night but decided to let it go.
Just the title of this board would mean that those who hang around here would naturally think much more highly of country/rural life than city life and could recite a list as long as your arm of why country life is better. I'm no exception.
When I grew up, I had the great good fortune to live in the country and to have two of the best parents anyone could ever want. If my father had been a businessman in the city rather than a hillside farmer I probably would have been just as happy. The point is, I had a father who was there and cared for all us kids and made sure we was fetched up right. In the long run, it probably didn't matter whether we were in the woods of New Hampshire or in the city somewhere.
The statistics for kids raised by single parents are not encouraging. If you really want the best for your kids, do whatever you can to keep dad nearby and involved. You may think he's a sleeze, I have no way of knowing that. But you picked him to be the father of your kids. Do I sound like Dr. Laura? So be it. She's right on.
Sorry if I sound preachy. Kids need to have a dad!


Phil    Posted 08-09-2002 at 18:52:35       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I have to agree 100% with Pitch. If you truly have your kids best interests in mind you need to consider their relationship with their father and what effect your potential move will have on that. I am divorced and every time I do something to make my ex mad she threatens to move out of state so she doesn't have to put up with it. I have a great relationship with my son and it would devastate me if I didn't see him on a regular basis and I think it would have a very negative effect on him also.

I'm reading between the lines but if you have to convince the courts to allow you to move then your ex is probably fighting it. Most of the divorce women I know constantly complain that their ex is not involved in their childrens lives, if you ex is than that can only be a positive thing. I just wish someone could convince my ex of this, I've been divorced 7 years and I have not missed a single "visitation" day. I hate that word visitation, I am not visiting my son, I am his parent. Enough said...

Probably not what you wanted to hear but you struck a cord.


Marc    Posted 08-09-2002 at 17:52:17       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I expect that you will be asked the following question by the courts: If you like the rural lifestyle so much, why not do so in So. Calif.? Which leads to another question I expect the courts will ask: Are you leaving primarily for the sake of your kids or for your job?

I think that these are the kinds of (tough) questions you need to be able to answer and not studies or articles that rural life is just as good as city life. After all, who can dispute that! And again, the rural life can easily be had in So. Calif. if that's what you want. Good luck. I, too, was born and raised in So. Calif. Marc


Pitch    Posted 08-09-2002 at 17:42:52       [Reply]  [No Email]
Hi, This probably gonna be something that you are'nt gonna want to read, but I spent 15 of the first 21 years of my sons life fighting with the antiquated notion that a father is nothing more than a support check. Is your desire something that is good for those kids or just something that is really just good for yourself. Millions of really good kids have sprung from a city environment and million of bad kid have come from the rural areas. It is not where you are brought up but how you are brought up that makes the difference. Kids need two loving caring involved parents. If you are needing to go to court to move your kids Dad must care and want to be with his kids and his opinion does count and matter as much as yours does. Trust me weekendss vacation and every other holiday does not form the basis of a parental relationship that kids really need.
Remember whatever hurtful or bad happenings occured to cause your divorce (unlessit was real abuse)it was between your husband and youself not the kids.
I am sorry for climbing on the soap box but fathers parental rights are so often ignored and belittled in the system that we are forced to endure.
Please rethink your reasons for moving the kids a continent away from him and make sure that it is truly for the benefit of the children and not just for your self


DeadCarp    Posted 08-09-2002 at 16:09:48       [Reply]  [No Email]
I expect the courts really want some reassurance that you've researched the differences - rather than listing the differences themselves, what you might do is offer a plan for addressing the changes you'll ALL be making. Local governments run alot different in rural areas, people are closer to their municipal representatives, the governors lunches are free etc.


Let me say at the outset that ANYBODY can thrive in the country - anybody. But you're under closer scrutiny here than in a large town, so getting along becomes part of everything. There's more weight placed on religious and racial considerations, (culture is a lot more than skin colors.) So the EXACT township you intend to reside is probably run different from the next one. Around here for example, Protestant Finns prevail, and the Sheriff's Department is all the same family. The Germans live in the next community (Wolf Lake). You'll find little things like that wherever you go, anything that doesn't fit will cost you, and nothing will change fast. Anything else is different and that will show somehow - they need regular reassurance that you identify with them somehow.

But the standards of hard work and honesty can overcome almost anything. The more of that your family already has, the smoother the move will be. Like i tell the disgruntled barefoot hitch-hikers on the roadside, like i tell the drug-dealers who yesterday bragged they could "own this town", it's your call. :)




Ron/Pa    Posted 08-09-2002 at 14:38:05       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Raie,
First of all welcome, from central PA.
If you were to need to convince a PA. court, it would be much simpler.
The difference in perceptions between the west and east coast is huge. Here in this area, CA. is considered the home of the crazies and whacko's.
From my travels to the west, we are considered a bunch of coal grubbing hicks. (and yes both arguments extend to the courts.) Having met rural and farm families I can assure you that when you get the politics removed, the working folk are very much the same.
Having said that, I will be able to help in any way that I can. I have no source of studies, or articles to help you prove your case. I do have the resource of a knowledge of the area, and it's publications, as well as a few friends that work in fields that may be helpful, including medical and journalism.
My e-mail is attached and you are welcome to send me any specific request that you may have. I may not be able to help, but I will gladly do all that I can.
My wife and I are both from farm families and believe very strongly in the rural way of life.
Please let us know if we can be of any help.
Ron & Donna (45 miles north of harrisburg)



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