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Battle of the Sekses
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General Noosense    Posted 08-18-2002 at 06:30:37       [Reply]  [No Email]
What A Guy Really Means...

"I'm going fishing."
Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."
Really means.... "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means.... "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means.... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response... He hasn't heard a single word!

"It would take too long to explain."
Really means... "I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Really means.... "The batteries in the remote are dead." (and he couldn't possibly replace them all by his lil self!!)

"We're going to be late."
Really means.... "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means.... "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."
Really means.... "Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means.... "I forgot our anniversary again."

"You expect too much of me."
Really means.... "You want me to stay awake." (And... god forbid... "cuddle" or "snuggle"...)

"That's women's work."
Really means.... "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means.... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', ~~~ the address of the first girl I ever kissed ~~~ and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means.... "I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house."
Really means.... "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry basket."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means.... "I sure hope I think of some reasons pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
Really means.... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?"
Really means.... "What did you catch me doing?"

"I heard you."
Really means.... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

"You look terrific."
Really means.... "Oh, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving...... just wear whatever that is... and let's go!"

"I missed you."
Really means.... "I can't find my sock drawer, ~~~~ the kids are hungry ~~~~~ and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means.... "I'm lost. I have no idea where we are, and no one will ever see us alive again."

"We share the housework."
Really means.... "I make the messes, you clean them up."

"This relationship is getting too serious."
Really means.... "You're cutting into the time I spend with my truck."

"I don't need to read the instructions."
Really means.... "I am perfectly capable of screwing it up .... without printed help."

cfgtd j    Posted 11-15-2006 at 11:50:18       [Reply]  [No Email]

EIEIO-Other Side of the Coin    Posted 08-18-2002 at 07:01:58       [Reply]  [No Email]
What a Gal Really Means

You want = You want

We need = I want

It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.

We need to talk = I need to complain

Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.

I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is s*x all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.

Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I'm Embarassed

This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.

Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

Am I a little fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

Yes = No | No = No | Maybe = No

I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.

Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I
need to look at a few new pocket books,and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

mehmet    Posted 06-03-2005 at 02:24:50       [Reply]  [No Email]

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