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Country Discussion Topics
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There's trouble in paradise
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Festus Grimes    Posted 09-18-2002 at 15:22:33       [Reply]  [No Email]
Well, here I was thinking that me and Killer was really going to make some money with our specialty of logging above the timberline this year. I got word of a 100 acre piece of darn near virgin Krummholz. It hasn't been logged since 1898. I bought the stumpage sight unseen, using the formula I alluded to in a post some time ago. That formula is so convoluted and complicated that I won't bother to try to explain it here.
That being said, I hiked up above the timberline to check out what I had bought and wouldn't you just know it, the darn Spruce Beavers had beat me to it and there wasn't hardly a stick of usable Krummholz left on the whole piece.
Probably some of you have never heard of Spruce Beavers. Well, you're lucky you've never had an encounter with them because they're vicious little varmints. They sharpen their teeth constantly on the rocks above the timberline just to keep them worn down. If they took a day off, their teeth would grow from their jaws right up through the roof of their mouths and they'd die.
They have voracious appetites. That 100 acres of Krummholz probably won't last them more than a week and then they'll be off looking for greener pastures.
Sometimes it just doesn't pay to get up in the morning.

Sterling P Snodgrass lll Esq    Posted 09-19-2002 at 02:26:59       [Reply]  [No Email]
Where was Them dad blamed Spruce flap tails when ole one eyed whiskey pedlin Woman stealer done took My Sassy off up there? They could'a ruined His wood cuttin soon enough ta a made ole Sass cool off'n come home.

Anyways, what I wanted ta mention was I heered of a fine stand of Loblolly Pine high up on tha North slope of McKinley and just checkin Folks say they ain't no Spruce Beavers there atall. Do have a batch'a little ole Owls with spots on em tho, recon they might be good eatin?

As ta them turists, theys just "urban hillbillies" as ain't got no smarts.--------and to a great extent that is a very true statement! Boy,some of the "Hill Billies" from East L.A. that I've had to work with ......UNREAL!!!!

Ron/PA    Posted 09-18-2002 at 17:23:01       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Sure, now ya tell me, I brought in all the equipment and set up to start cutting and you know them spruce beavers moved in right ahead of us!!
Now I feel sure that you left the spucebeavers out of the equasion, just to beat me out of my cutting above the tree line in florida.
Thanx for nothin, now the dogs will haf ta scrounge for themselves.

DeadCarp - ya could warn a guy Festus    Posted 09-18-2002 at 17:08:39       [Reply]  [No Email]
Darn near broke a fingernail trying to read your post and get my boots on at the same time! Jeez! Now i'd better get that poor Spruce Beaver outa my boot 4 he suffocrates!

Festus Grimes    Posted 09-18-2002 at 20:08:16       [Reply]  [No Email]
This is a little off the topic which, when I started out, was supposed to be about Spruce Beavers and to introduce you to them and their destructive ways. I hope you'll forgive me if I take a little diversion from Spruce Beavers to relate the following story:
Of course you know there's lots of rocks up there above the timberline. One day, years ago before I had the brilliant idea of logging the Krummholz, I was up there prospecting for mica. It was right at the height of the tourist season and a woman tourist stood there watching me do my work for several minutes and finally she asked me "Where did all these rocks come from"? To which I responded "The glacier brought them". She then asked, "Well, where is the glacier now?" My answer: "It's gone back for more rocks".
I thought everybody knew that but those tourists sure can think of some funny things to ask. I understand lots of them lead sheltered lives and are just not all that wise in the ways of the world.

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