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Sid    Posted 10-29-2002 at 18:16:42       [Reply]  [No Email]
A drunk was staggering home cause he couldn't get his car started, when a cop comes up to him and says where are you going this time of the night? The drunk says to a lecture. The cop asks who is giving a lecture at this time of night? The drunk says MyWife. T

Here's a real one, just my luck    Posted 10-30-2002 at 11:44:54       [Reply]  [Send Email]
My ex wife owns the largest trucking company in the world! I dont know the exact numbers but she must have at least 10,000 trucks and trailers working the roads of this country and Canada.
During the short time we were married she didn't even hold a job! For years now I have paid my alimony like clockwork every month and she is still always there to answer the phone when I call.I just don't know how she does it, managing that big operation and still being home all day. I'm sure you have all seen her trucks out there on the road with her name painted across the back and front of every rig, almost like she's rubbing my nose in it, yup right there in big letters her name for everyone to see. Jeeez I miss Wide Load.

Punchy - Jes one more an I'm gone.    Posted 10-29-2002 at 21:42:29       [Reply]  [No Email]
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.
They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light."
The lady agreed, and the two men settled in the barn for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure out that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.
He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"
"Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?
Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?"
She just died and left me two million dollars and the farm."
(Bet ya though that would have a different ending, now, din cha?)

Punchy - An still tanother    Posted 10-29-2002 at 21:30:16       [Reply]  [No Email]
Bubba's new truck.
One day Earl is walking down the street and sees his old buddy Bubba driving a new pickup truck. Earl knows Bubba doesn't even have a job so he can't really afford a new truck.
"How did you get the new truck, Bubba?" says Earl
"Well this ol' gal picks me up in this truck the other day, drives way out in the country, stops, gets out, and takes off all her clothes. Then she says, 'You can have any thing you want.' So I took the truck."
"Smart!" says Earl."None of them clothes would have fit you."

Punchy - Here's another one for ya.    Posted 10-29-2002 at 21:16:50       [Reply]  [No Email]
A Farmer walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of cow manure in the other.
He says to the waiter, "I want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure thing, coming right up."
He gets the Farmer a tall mug of coffee and the Farmer drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket, throws the manure into the air and blasts it with the shotgun, then walks out.

Four days later the Farmer returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "I want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa there, we're still cleaning up from the last time you were in here. What the heck was that all about anyway?"
The Farmer says, "I'm in training for an Executive Management job. Drink coffee, shoot the shXX, and disappear for a few days."

Lonewolf_pa...Got this one today    Posted 10-29-2002 at 20:19:32       [Reply]  [No Email]
A young man named Jon received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

Jon tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally Jon was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. Jon shook the parrot and the parrot got even angrier and more rude. Jon in desperation, threw up his hands and grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then, suddenly there was total quiet, not a peep was heard. Fearing that he hurt the parrot, Jon quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jon's outstretched arm and said I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I am sincerely remorseful for any inappropriate transgressions. I fully intend to do everything I can do to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior".

Jon was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. He was about to ask the parrot why he had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, but the bird continued..."May I ask what the chicken did?"

Punchy    Posted 10-29-2002 at 21:04:17       [Reply]  [No Email]
Now that's a good one!

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