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Country Discussion Topics
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Intimidation by the yard?
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DeadCarp    Posted 11-03-2002 at 07:10:47       [Reply]  [No Email]
I'd like to expand on a comment made below -
maybe i'm not alone in this and maybe somebody can solve this old puzzle -

We were just getting out of the car when my grampa was introduced to some ultra-tidy inlaw lady in Iowa years ago - she said "how do you do?"
And he said "I do as i dam please - that's why i'm here!"

I was all of 5 or so, but i understood his need to make a gruff comment right off the bat. I think he felt intimidated - i know i did - here we were a sorta ragtag bunch of shirt-tail relatives in an old Chevy, we'd made the all-day drive to visit these people, came up a long driveway past black dirt and tall corn into the yard and the lawn was all mowed and was clean and organized and flowers everywhere, and something was humming in the freshly-painted barn behind us, even the dog was well-behaved.

To them i suppose they were happy to be presentable and have things nice so they could properly greet any vistor who came along. To us, we were way over our heads and wanted nothing more than getting on our way home again.
(I was so proud of grampa - the nerve of that lady and her frilly apron anyway!)

We stayed for coffee, thanked them and moved on to my (transpanted) cousin's house for the nite. Without a word, i knew i'd never be back, and that was okay with me - but i've wondered about that ever since - Now looking back, why did the contrast seem so intimidating? Why couldn't we just accept the differences and appreciate them? They were fine when they'd stop at our place - why couldn't we ever be friends at theirs? Even as young as i was, i felt like i was walking on the moon. What kind of bridge could have spanned such a void?

tomatolord    Posted 11-04-2002 at 06:06:23       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Dont know about your neighbors - but mine have actually said to me "there you go trying to make us look bad again"

But I dont

I LIKE working in the yard - its a beautiful day outside - why sit inside?? Kids our outside with me, - front yard looks nice -

But all they need to do is
1 - mow the yard more than once a month - which I cannot figure out - if you dont want to mow why have any grass at all??

2 - dont throw the trash around (bottles, wheelbarrow, tools, rakes, shovels, sleds etc)

Some people see it as a strike against them if someone can - cook, sell, farm, fish, hunt, play cards, paint, sing - you get the idea, better than they can.

I have so many blessings (and a neat and fastidous house is not high up there on the list) that I dont really look at what other people have and feel bad. If they have something I want - I work hard to try and get it for myself or my family.


MikeC    Posted 11-04-2002 at 05:39:37       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I have to say-if someone came to visit and I asked the question "How do you do?" and the visitor was so rude that the only comment they could make was "I do as I dam well please" they wouldn't be welcome in my home for long.

It sounds like it is a bad thing that they worked to work hard to keep the farm neat and tidy.

They should be whipped for having the lawn mowed and flowers planted.

Clearly that long driveway and choosing to live where there is good black dirt that grows long rows of tall corn was an "I'm better than you" statement.

They even had a DOG that was behaved! Shameful!

And worst of all-the lady tried to be polite to some visitors! She should clearly be jailed for such an offense.

Here in Iowa we call that manners. I'll take neighbors like that any day.

Bob /Ont.    Posted 11-03-2002 at 19:19:38       [Reply]  [Send Email]
DC, I kind of think your Grandfather is the only one who ever knew the answer. Family's can have funny notions about one an other that go way back many years. I think this one did too.
Later Bob

Grove r    Posted 11-03-2002 at 18:38:59       [Reply]  [No Email]
Well, DC, don't know if I can answer you, just maybe ramble a bit....some of the people I know, and work with, have this habit of bad mouthing other folks, no matter what they do or say or have, I atribute this to self esteem....they have none, and by down playing everyone else, they are trying to make themselves look so much better.... it does't work!! And, I have a cousin who is an appointed gubberment official, big deal, he, or his family, are not one iota better than me, I think that is why I dislike politics so much, or, at least the people who proffess to be in "the inner circle". I was raised to the tune of, "come on in, the coffee isn't on, but, it soon will be"! I certainly agree with F14, and Ron, and the others....sure can't say it much better, have a gooder, R.E.L.

Ron/PA    Posted 11-03-2002 at 17:20:26       [Reply]  [No Email]
Pretty much what Foz said, the ones that have the least have the biggest hearts.
I do work for retired folks who have little or nothing, and offer you the world. I go to a preppy house and they would make you feel like a pauper if they could, THEY CAN'T!!
Just like your grandpa, I refuse to be browbeaten by anyone, I have always felt that the only time I have "BETTERS" is when I meet someone that I truely admire. I admire alot of folks and they usually have no more material goods than me, however they have hearts wayyyy bigger than texas.
I know a few rich folks that I admire, and they always seem to envy me???? the problem I always have is with the folks that feel the need to look down on me and mine,, when we get into a battle of wits, they always show up unarmed(grin)Not cause I'm smarter or brighter, but because I don't care how big of an A-hole I have to be to level them,

Good afternoon Folks.....Foz    Posted 11-03-2002 at 12:58:01       [Reply]  [No Email]
Being self employed,I tend to work for poeple all across the social spectrum , And I think it all comes down to upbringing. I've done things for poor folks and found that more often than not, you can't finish a job with out someone offering me a drink or a bite to eat. Regular middle class folks ,same thing, even want to help mosr of tha time.Little old ladies are tha ones that crack me up,they really would rather talk than get things fixed, but you have to charge them something to help them keep there dignity. A pie or home made jelly next time they make a batch makes them feel good and I'd rather have that than store bought anyway!Folks that were middle income and just fall into money are the worst.Thats the people I've found that must believe they are smarter than everyone else simply because they have more(stuff not friends)Even though they happen to fall into it. Then you have the people who must have their own printing press running 24/7.I'm talkinbout don't now and really don't care how much they have,and could never catch that number before it rose anyway.These folks ( in my experience always offer you a cool drink or if its close to mealtime they are gunna feed you .Now thats just people I've had to work mostly. There are some others that don't fit but thats how it generally turns out.If they are decent they treat ya that way ,If not I won'twork for them again. My 2cents worth & then some....FOZ

Clare    Posted 11-03-2002 at 12:13:59       [Reply]  [No Email]
When I'm sitting at a red light in the traffic next to a really flash car I just think to myself that it's costing them a heck of a lot more to sit there than it is me...and we'll both still get to where we're going.

Ana--55 but where's retirement?    Posted 11-03-2002 at 09:17:06       [Reply]  [No Email]
I envy your early retirement, but don't envy you personally, right? I grew up poor, made the most of working and education, seen lots of well-to-do people because of my hubby's occupation. Here's how I see it: the really well-to-do people (I mean millionaires) don't act uppity, the uppity people are the ones that want to act like they are rich but are just spending a lot of money to look that way. They may or may not have a little money, but they love to spend. It's just one more way for people to be different. I've known people with genius I.Q. that were very unassuming----you have to know them well to know it because they didn't put others down, but then I've known lots of "know it alls" that no one can stand! :) Isn't life interesting?

Dennis    Posted 11-03-2002 at 08:22:08       [Reply]  [Send Email]
My comment is that I Believe that most of my behavior is Learned behavior and I now have a chance to change that if I want to.
I am 58 RETIRED and I don't envy anyone either and beholden to few also.
I love my wife as she is and I accept people as they are. I don't want to change anyone.
Accepting people as they are doesn't mean I like them always but I don't waste precious time God has allowed me, thinking of ways to change them.
Things weren't always this way for me and I am not 100% this way all the time but most of the time I am.
It works for me and I can honestly say I am a happy person, satisfied where I am, who I am, at the age I am.
Happy, and I thank God for that.
Whew! Now I have to get off my soap box. LOL

bob    Posted 11-03-2002 at 10:19:47       [Reply]  [No Email]
I can relate this to the armed services The lower the rank the meaner they were ND THE HIGHER THE MORE CONCERNED ABOUT THE MEN Some like climbing the ladder but remember the ones you passed on thje way up you will pass a lot faster on the down button

EIEIO    Posted 11-03-2002 at 08:12:25       [Reply]  [No Email]
The only thing I can relate this to is when Dennis and I owned our shop. We would have the rich B---H, as I called them, come in and for some reason they intimidated the heck out of me. They always had this superior air about them as if I was beneath them. Yet let a CEO of a big corporation, or even the head honcho of the FBI in Houston come in no problem why - they treated me like a peer not as if they were better than me. I think it is the attitude that some people have. My problem was though I allowed it to happen, which I could never figure out because I do not have low self-esteem. Maybe it wasn't really intimidation maybe it was just that they weren't nice people and I really didn't like dealing with them!!!!!!!

WallSal55    Posted 11-03-2002 at 07:37:21       [Reply]  [No Email]
Well, a girlfriend and I used to discuss the word
--envy. Here we were at some vantage point (midlife for us) in life wondering why we were/are not this or that. Sometimes, envy does get the best of us. What if we could be just a little more.... (the what if's--)

But on the other hand, if you are happy with your
lot in life--no matter what has come your way, I
think that can be a healthy attitude, too.

But you are right, we need to embrace our differences and appreciate them, that's the way
it should be. Sometimes, we sum everything up
based on appearances, and we know from life
experience that things can look perfect, but
are they really?

Then as Joan Rivers would put it, "See ya, wouldn't want to be ya!" (Meaning, I will take
my life any day.)

Fawteen    Posted 11-03-2002 at 08:06:42       [Reply]  [No Email]
I'm happy the way I am. Don't dress up for nothin' nor nobody and I'm not particularly uncomfortable around those who do. Out of ordinary courtesy I try to fit in as best I can, don't spit terbakky juice in the Ming vases, but don't apologize for my simple ways either. While I wouldn't mind having a little (or even a lot) more money laying around, I don't envy folks that do. Seems to me them with a pile of money can only think about how to hold on to what they've got, and add to it. Plus they spend most of their life working 100 hours a week to pile it up, miss their kids growing up, ruin their health and bust up their marriage.

Not for me, thanks. 52, mostly retired, broke most of the time, and don't give a sh!t. Happy as I've ever been or am likely to be. Beholden to damn few and envious of none.

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