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Country Discussion Topics
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Pretty much for Y'ALL !!!!!!!
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Ron/PA    Posted 12-07-2002 at 14:56:13       [Reply]  [No Email]
> Memo from Santa
> >
> > I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will
> >no longer serve
> > the States of Georgia, Florida, Virginia, North and South
> >Carolina,
> > Tennessee, Mississippi, Texas, and Arkansas on Christmas
> >Eve. Due to the
> > overwhelming current population of the earth, my contract
> >was renegotiated
> > by North American Fairies and Elves
> > Local 209. As part of the new and better contract, I also
> >get longer breaks for
> > milk and cookies so keep that in mind.
> >
> > However, I'm certain that your children will be in good
> >hands with your
> > local replacement, who happens to be my third cousin,
> >Bubba Claus. His side
> > of the family is from the South Pole. He shares my goal of
> >delivering toys to
> > all the good boys and girls. However, there are a few
> >differences between us.
> > Differences such as:
> >
> > 1. There is no danger of the Grinch stealing your presents
> >from
> > Bubba Claus. He has a gun rack on his sleigh and a
> >bumper sticker
> > that reads: "These toys insured by Smith and Wesson."
> >
> > 2. Instead of milk and cookies, Bubba Claus prefers that
> >children
> > leave an RC Cola and pork rinds [or a moon pie on the
> >fireplace].
> > And Bubba doesn't smoke a pipe. He dips a littlesnuff
> >though, so
> > please have an empty spit can handy.
> >
> > 3. Bubba Claus' sleigh is pulled by floppy-eared, flyin'
> >coon dogs
> > instead of reindeer. I made the mistake of loaning him
> >a couple
> > of my reindeer one time, and Blitzen's head now
> >overlooks Bubba's
> > fireplace.
> >
> > 4. You won't hear "On Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, and
> >Blitzen..." when
> > Bubba Claus arrives. Instead, you'll hear, "On Earnhardt,
> >on Andretti, on
> > Elliott and Petty."
> >
> > 5. "Ho, Ho, Ho" has been replaced by "Yee Haw". And you
> >also are
> > likely to hear Bubba's elves respond, "I her'd dat"
> >
> > 6. As required by Southern highway laws, Bubba Claus'
> >sleigh does
> > have a Yosemite Sam safety triangle on the back with
> >the
> > words "Back Off."
> >
> > 7. The usual Christmas movie classics such as "Miracle On
> >34th
> > Street" and "It's A Wonderful Life" will not be shown
> >in your
> > negotiated viewing area. Instead, you'll see "Boss
> >Hogg Saves
> > Christmas" and "Smokey and the Bandit IV" featuring
> > Burt Reynolds as Bubba Claus and dozens of state patrol
> >cars
> > crashing into each other.
> >
> > And finally,
> >
> > 8. Bubba Claus doesn't wear a belt. If I were you, I'd
> >make sure you,
> > the wife,and the kids turn the other way when he bends
> >over to put
> > presents under the tree.
> >
> > Sincerely Yours,
> > Santa Claus


In Austin, TX the bubbas and the...    Posted 12-08-2002 at 21:09:38       [Reply]  [Send Email]
...yuppys get together every year and have a tug-of-war across the river. The bubbas win every time. Lynch


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