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Country Discussion Topics
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Spence-Ladies Shopping List for Guys.
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Spence    Posted 12-19-2002 at 19:59:56       [Reply]  [No Email]
My wife forced me to post this, so this is a disclaimer. (Punishment for showing off her living room before I was supposed to tidy it up. I see now I shoulda went out for a beer instead)

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women.
Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey
George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. "Socks.
Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks."

Rule #11:
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12:
Tickets to a football game are a smart gift. However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts."

Everyone knows why.

Salmoneye    Posted 12-20-2002 at 04:56:07       [Reply]  [Send Email]

But only till mud season and then I can go barefoot again...

Please do not get me any tickets to any sports event...I'd MUCH rather see the quilts...At least they had a purpose at one time...

Les...Just one little exception    Posted 12-20-2002 at 04:44:02       [Reply]  [No Email]
Please do buy me things like socks, work gloves and sweatshirts. You can't have too many of those things.
You're right about the bathrobe and ties, though.

Fawteen    Posted 12-20-2002 at 04:01:06       [Reply]  [No Email]
Good solid advice!

A coupla don'ts:

NEVER buy a man tools at K-Mart (Walmart, Target, Woolco, whatever the local equivalent is)

NEVER buy a man tools that come in designer colors.

Calendars with girls, trucks, cars, tractors: Good.

Calendars with puppies, kittens, or flowers: Bad.

dave 50 8n    Posted 12-20-2002 at 11:14:22       [Reply]  [No Email]
...and remember to DOUBLE check when the wife orders checks...I'm feeling like I have to apologize when I go to the hardware store

"he, he...see, they're not really >>flowers<<, it's really an organized display of botanical specimins"...(that are color coordinated and foofy.) I have actually skipped check numbers because the picture was just "unacceptable." =:-O

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