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Country Discussion Topics
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WED. NITE CLAY VERSES THE 3746587=# COON
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Clayton Ashworth    Posted 02-13-2003 at 16:18:34       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO GET BACK TO YA'LL.THE COON CAME ABOUT 8;30 LAST NIGHT.TRAP WAS BAITED WITH THE HARD BOILED EGG IN THE SHELL WITH BACON GREASE POURED OVER IT.A WIRE WAS RUN LENGTHWISE THRU THE EGG,WIRED TO THE TRAP LIP,AND TWISTED UNDERNEATH.TRAP TRIGGER WAS HAIR TRIGGERED.MY OUTSIDE MOTION LIGHT CAME ON AND I KNEW HE WAS OUT THERE.I WATCHED HIM GO INTO THE TRAP.I JUST KNEW THIS WAS THE END OF IT ALL.HE FIDDELED AROUND IN THERE FOR ABOUT 3 MINUTES AND THEN HE CAME OUT OF THE TRAP WITHOUT TRIPPING IT.THE LIGHT WAS STILL ON SO I LOOKED FOR THE EGG.IT WASN'T IN THE TRAP!!!I AM REALLY MAD!I JERK OPEN THE FRONT DOOR AND CUSS THE COON AND ASK HIM WHERE THE EGG IS.HE DOESN'T RUN AWAY.HE TURNS TOWARD ME,GIVES ME HIS BEST IMPRESSION OF CLINT EASTWOOD'S LOOK WHEN HE SAID GO AHEAD MAKE MY DAY AND THE EGG IS IN HIS MOUTH!!I START TO COME OFF THE PORCH AND THE COON LOWERS HIS HEAD AND GETS READY TO FIGHT.I DO WHAT ANY MAN WOULD DO.I GO BACK IN THE HOUSE AND WATCH HIM WADDLE TOWARD THE SHED.I GIVE HIM FIVE MINUTES AND THEN I GO CHECK THE TRAP.THE TRIGGER ON THE TRAP MUST BE PUSHED DOWN TO TRIP THE DOOR.HE LIFTED THE TRIGGER AND THEN UNTIED THE WIRE.A NEW TRICK FOR HIM.I RESORTED TO PLAN [B] DINTY MOORE BEEF STEW CRAMMED INTO THE WIRE MESH OF THE TRIGGER.I KNEW I HAD HIM THEN SO I SET MY ALARM FOR MIDNIGHT AND WENT TO BED.THE ALARM WENT OFF.I LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW.NO COON.WELL, I GUESS I SHOWED HIM HE WAS TOO SCARED TO COME BACK, BUT I BETTER CHECK THE BAIT ANYWAY.NO STEW,IN FACT THE TRIGGER WAS SUPER CLEAN.I TOUCHED THE TRIGGER LIGHTLY AND THE DOOR CAME DOWN.MORE CUSSING, ON TO PLAN C DRIED BEEFSTEAK SO HARD I HAD TO DRILL A HOLE IN IT FOR THE WIRE USING A CORDLESS DRILL.MORE DINTY MOORE STEW GRAVY TO LURE HIM IN.HAIR TRIGGERED THE TRAP AND WENT TO BED I HAD WIRED THIS BAIT IN A WAY THAT THE COON COULD NOT UNDO.5;AM I AM DEAD TIRED.I STUMBLE OUTSIDE TO GO TO WORK.I DON;T EVEN THINK ABOUT THE COON AND THEN I HEAR SOMETHING BANGING AROUND IN THE TRAP.I LOOK UP.IT'S THE COON!!!CLAY HAS WON!!I PROVED THAT MAN IS SMARTER THAN A BEAST.I NO LONGER HAVE TO SUFFER RIDICULE FROM EVERYONE THAT KNOWS ABOUT THIS.I RUN TOWARD THE TRAP FOR A CLOSER LOOK AND TO GLOAT AND TAUNT THE COON.GEE HE LOOKS SMALLER NOW THAT HE IS TRAPPED.HE AIN'T THAT SMALL! WHERE DID THIS PUNY 20 POUND COON COME FROM??I HAVE BEEN OUTFOXED YET AGAIN.WHERE IS MY 40+ POUND GRANDADDY COON?THE REASON THAT MY POSTING WAS LATE TONIGHT IS BECAUSE I HAD TO RELOCATE THE COON TO THE OTHER PROPERTY.IT IS ALMOST DARK NOW.THE TRAP IS SET, PLAN[C]. I WILL POST ANOTHER MESSAGE TOMORROW AND LET YA'LL KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TONIGHT


Rory Raccoon    Posted 02-14-2003 at 05:39:50       [Reply]  [No Email]
Dear Mr. Clay, I would like to thank you for the meals you have so graciously provided for the last few evenings. I hope I do not seem ungrateful, but tonite I plan to bring some of our family members, (women and children) to the meal and would appreciate it very much of you could please cut down on the cussing between courses.
Thank you
Rory Raccoon, III


Clay    Posted 02-14-2003 at 09:57:45       [Reply]  [No Email]
Dear Rory Racoon,
I will be glad to have all of your family over for dinner.You did not mention how many you will be bringing and I am afraid that I may not leave enough food in the box trap for all of you.If you run out I will be leaving the front door unlocked so you can come in and raid the refrigerator.I went to the store and stocked up on your favorite foods such as hamburger,marshmallows,peanut butter,sardines,etc.I don't want you all getting thirsty, so I got a twelve pack of miller high life.I know that is your favorite brand. Please send me an e-mail of any other kind of food that your kin might want.I am sorry that I used such foul language wednesday night and I will do my best to control my tongue in front of the women and children.

Respectfully,Clay


cowgirlj    Posted 02-13-2003 at 17:31:57       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Wuddid I tell ya'! That Grandaddy went and invited all his family to the best buffet in town!
LOL
j
Aren't coons kinda' like mice? If there's one, there's some?


Clay    Posted 02-14-2003 at 10:02:13       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Dear cowgirl,
The coon has sent me an e-mail and we are gonna have a family reunion this weekend.Can you make it to north Georgia by saturday night?? We would love to include you in the fun.


cowgirlj    Posted 02-14-2003 at 13:01:26       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Dear Clay and Mr. Coon:
As much as we would love a trip to Georgia, I am in the process of planning a road trip in the other direction, BC. If you have the time, it would please my husband and I if you would just kindly take family photos for us to admire. Especially if there are little ones present!
Good Luck with the festivities, and please, ...play safe!
j


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