Posted 02-26-2003 at 11:20:29
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I had to move one of our 500 lb plus boars across an open rectangular pasture roughly a quarter acre in size. Before it was over he had inspected every square inch of it. Our milk goat, Baby, and Elvis our hound added to the confusion by being underfoot every time I turned around. Baby, just being nosey and trying to get her head in the feed bucket, and Elvis trying to protect us from this 'wild' pig.
My son was convinced that all we had to do was lasso him, and drag him. He said that I was doing it all wrong with the bait technique although he has never helped move a pig before and the last thing I needed was a thirteen year old who knows everything except how to follow directions. I tried to explain the concept of a hundred and fifty pounds versus five hundred, and two-wheel drive versus four wheel drive, but he still kept insisting, so I ended up just yelling over and over...'just shut up PLEASE and do what I tell you!'
My son's friend was fond of the squirrel technique. He would run in fast, chatter at the pig wildly and the moment he got the pigís attention he would run for the nearest tree. Needless to say it was amusing to watch but completely useless.
My oldest daughter tried to sweet talk him. She got him in a corner and petted and cajoled until she lost her patience and screamed at him, sending him off on another tangent. My youngest daughter leaned against the fence post and laughed at us.
Finally, a bucket of sweet feed got his attention. I had him following me, the kids were in position and actually helping, the pig was panting like a lizard and had this 'tell me what you want me to do look'. Everything was going my way when I got hit with an urgent, none too subtle call of nature.
Here I was, backing down the chute, with my legs crossed, bent over in the middle, holding a bucket of feed, and my breath, praying that he would get his rump far enough into the chute to swing the gate closed behind him.
Finally he kind of sighed, pushed his way around me and trotted into his pen, and straight to his water, leaving me to believe that he had known all along what was up and had just decided not to make it easy for us.
I had given him the benefit of the doubt, thinking he was confused and scared, and didn't know what was expected of him. While I was dealing with the realization that he had got one over on me, the kids disappeared like smoke in a wind tunnel.
I locked the pig up, crossed the pasture toward the house quickly, legs still crossed, adjusting to the fact that I had just been outsmarted.
By the way, you canít lasso a pig.......can you?