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Country Discussion Topics
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Question for seasoned parents.
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Swamphandy    Posted 04-18-2003 at 09:17:45       [Reply]  [No Email]
Our 2 year old daughter has taken to sleeping with my wife and I. She sleeps the whole night, doesn't wake us up at all and we kinda like having her close to us (her room is at the other end of the house). We have a huge california king size bead so space is not an issue.

I have heard it said that this in somehow unhealthy. I have heard it is a hard habbit to break. Personally, I think she will want to move to her own bed eventually all on her own.

I know we have some experianced parents roaming these boards, so I was hoping to hear some opinions and maybe personal experiances.

Thanks,

Swamphandy


Honeybee    Posted 04-21-2003 at 12:35:51       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Our oldest is 17 now. A strapping young man of 6'5'' and 250 lbs. Normal, healthy, good grades, high school athlete. He slept with us sporadicly since birth and as a toddler would creep in to sleep with us. He out grew it, on his own, with very little encouragement. I was nursing so it was easy to allow him to just sleep with us. Our other two were the same.

I remember wondering if this was a wise choice as some relatives commented on how we were spoiling him. Then my husbands grandmother piped up and said that that's how they always did it in the old days. They were from North Dakota, lived in a cabin on a farm..... way out! She said if the infant didn't sleep with it's folks it'd freeze! She raised 5 wonderfully healthy children so we took her advice.

Years later I saw a show on TV about natural child rearing. Evidently this is how they do it in most parts of the world. The US was listed as the only country with a big hang up about it. I don't know if that's true. They compared things like average crying time of infants and child rebelion. The countries that avocated the infants/toddlers being near the parents, in the room or even in the bed at times had the shortest crying times and the least rebellion. They attributed it to the childrent being emotionaly secure and therefore confident.

I figured it just seemed plain old natural. :-)
Worked for us anyway.
God bless


realfarmer    Posted 04-21-2003 at 00:19:34       [Reply]  [No Email]
Six kids, now three grandkids. Only time kids slept with us was when the power was off for 17 hours in a snowstorm- afraid we'd smother the little one, because both kids were in bed with us, with as many covers as we could find. Otherwise- remember, YOU are the parent, not the kids running the show. Too many of today's parents seem to forget that.


countrygurl    Posted 04-20-2003 at 20:09:26       [Reply]  [Send Email]
hello,
every child is different, and only you know what & when things need to change. I am a mother of 4
17-4 all slept in our bed and moved on at differnt ages. when our bed got to cramped, (i was the one that always seem to be sleeping on the edge) I found comfort in letting our baby/toddler sleep in our bed when i was a working mom(outside of home)it was a bondng thing for me. but anyway when we found it was time for
a good night sleep. our little one would fall asleep in our bed than once fast asleep i would moved them to their own bed, if hubby & i need our time, i would lay down with them on the sofa till he/she fell asleep than later on move him to our bed. as i said earlier every child is differnt, my daughter(the oldest) never was one to sleep in our bed as a baby, she would wake up during the night she wanted to be rocked, my to middle boys slept in our bed as babies, and my youngest boy now almost 4 still wants to sleep only on the sofa. it is funny though if my husband goes out of town for a hunting trip my 3 oldest argue over who get to sleep in moms bed,
preferrably me not in it, they say mom & dads bed is the most comfortable (i guess so, we had the mattress 18 yrs and 4 kids by now)anyway you will know when it time and when that time comes make the change slowly let them fall asleep in the same routine then move them to their on bed. remember its hard sometimes to reason or make a 2-3 yrs understand logic and reason they only know what in their heart.
best wishes


Patria / PR    Posted 04-20-2003 at 01:24:08       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Swamphandy

When my kids were babys, I was a staying at home mom. They were really spoiled by me. If what it took was to rock them till they were asleep, they were rocked, then put to bed. The boy, 28y/o now, was 4 when I divorced, my 23y/o daughter was a newborn. Came back to PR. Had never live on my own before, first with my parents and then with my husband. Now it was my kids and me. I was 24. I tell you, I couldn't sleep, I was not missing my exhusband, I was just scare as a child. So when Freddy wanted to sleep with me I would welcome his company. It didn't last long. He loved his bedroom. I guess I got lucky here..

Now Christina, she really gave me some sleepless nights, but I made sure she had her share also. She was 4 when all she wanted was to sleep with me. I wouldn't mind, if we could both really get some sleep. We didn't. She would tell me that she wasn't sleepy. Just wanted to play! So whenever she came to my bed I would take her to the dining table and just sit there with her. She would decide when she was sleepy enough to go to her own bed. Three weeks was all it took. It worked.

Beny-Lou, 16y/old, her dad came home from work late at night, and she wouldn't go to bed before he was home. And then it was all play. Of course she slept with us until she was about 4.

I guess that if I had been working a full time job, another story would be told. Maybe.

For me, it was the greatest times of my life.
The older ones are married and have kids. Talk to them almost every day. They are doing good.

Can't actually tell what's the right thing to do.
Only that they are babies just once. Did they need my arms around them at night also? That's been the easiest thing I had ever have to do in my whole life, and I'm greatful for being allowed to be there for them when they needed me, day or night.

I know many parent's where kid's are not allowed to sleep with them, and they are doing great also, really good. So who's to say what's best for you and your child? Only you. Play by ear.

Patria




cowgirlj    Posted 04-19-2003 at 18:14:53       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Swamphandy
Children grow up so fast! I don't see anything wrong in giving them a healthy, secure, start in life. It does become a habit, but they will eventually want to be on their own. Follow your own heart. It is, after all, YOUR baby.


Woodtick    Posted 04-19-2003 at 14:20:50       [Reply]  [No Email]
No its not unhealthy,Dont rush the child to growing up,as long as you are ok with it.You know of the stories of large famlies all sharing one bed in the old days. I got a couple boys 5-6 who still like to camp out with us once in a while- and I like to hear their end of the day stories til they drift off. My two cents

Tick


Ana--hard habit to break    Posted 04-19-2003 at 11:12:06       [Reply]  [No Email]
Realize that you are setting up a routine that will be VERY hard to break. How old does she get before you move her out? No, I doubt she will ever move out on her own--maybe when she's 16 and has a boyfriend. Just my humble opinion. Do you have a counselor at your nearby school---could ask there what the "modern" theory is on that. I think it changes over time, like what to feed babies. :)


bpb    Posted 04-19-2003 at 11:44:25       [Reply]  [No Email]
AUGGGG, move her out..My grandaughter has gotten into the habit of sleeping with us! She has her own room, but is use to lots of people being around.
I keep trying to drag her off to her bed.
Besides she sleeps like a fish out of water! lol


Linda    Posted 04-18-2003 at 23:00:56       [Reply]  [No Email]
I would advise against it. It's a habit that is increasingly harder to break as time goes by. The morning snuggles & talk time I think can be fun and rewarding (you know - where they come in at some ungodly hour of the morning and climb into your bed with you - but at least it's daylight), but to sleep the night in your bed will one day backfire on you.

You know about the "terrible twos?" A 2 year old has some real issues about starting to separate themselves emotionally from mom and dad - a normal process all kids go through. This separation and emotional growth is healthy, but doesn't come without a price (the beginning of the loss of your sanity). I think allowing a 2 year old to become dependent (and she WILL become dependent) on sleeping with you night after night will serve to delay some of that emotional growth.

Good luck to you. I think it's great that you are asking around on this subject. I'm no expert, but I do have 4 grown kids and they turned out just fine.


JanO    Posted 04-18-2003 at 20:52:05       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I agree that at 2 your daughter probably needs the security of knowing that your there, but as a parent, I'd say stop it if you can.

Is there any way you can put up a little toddler bed in your room for her? She can still have the security of knowing that mommy and daddy are there, but she's in HER bed. We did that with our daughter and by the time she was 4 she was ready to "abandon" us and be a "big girl" in her own room. Of course, she had to have a night light and the door had to be open "just in case" she needed us.

When my son was little we didn't have room for the toddler bed and he pretty much moved in with my DH & I. By the time he was 7 or 8 he was killing us, no matter what we did he wouldn't sleep in his own room for more then a couple of hours a night. It was very difficult to get it stopped, and I think the only reason it did was because we finally gave in and let the dog sleep with him.

Good Luck



DeadCarp    Posted 04-18-2003 at 19:36:04       [Reply]  [No Email]
Doesn't make much difference at 2 or even 4, just remember like any other animal, there has to be a leader and nurturer for the little ones to feel secure.
And the average parent doesn't know what ideas sprout in their kids' minds: It's always stuff involving basic fears (wild animals, somebody's getting beat up, lightening, fire etc) but can get elaborate til a parent straightens it out. When i got "my own room" as a child i remember getting this notion that there was water (of all things) all around under the bed once the lites went off. If i hung a hand over the edge, i was sure it would get wet so whatever you do --- If i hadda go potty at nite i'd stand on the bed, hang onto the door frame and swing a leg around to the hallway for the first step --- It was always safe there. So if they want to be closer for awhile, no harm done. Bother to ask if there's a problem though :)



Jimbob    Posted 04-18-2003 at 18:22:36       [Reply]  [No Email]
Your little one is just scard of being alone & possibly the dark. She does not have the depth of reasoning to deal with it yet. All children are different. The trama it can create to this sensitive issue of hers at such a young age is just not worth pursuing. This is different over a mild spanking at the terrible 2s. Again, do sleep-overs in her room. She will get used to it. Get her a night light as well. Also, perhaps a pet 'buddy' will help (no fish please).


Sid    Posted 04-18-2003 at 16:22:11       [Reply]  [No Email]
Well You want an opinion. My opinion is do not do it. Daddy to four and Grandpa to five. I just got mustard on my shirt so guess that makes me a seasoned parent.


Jimbob    Posted 04-18-2003 at 12:51:36       [Reply]  [No Email]
Our kids 11 & 14 still sleep in with mom once in a while for fun. I, of course, do not sleep there when the kids do- my daughter is 14.

I see nothing wrong with it at 2 years of age. Perhaps in a year or so time share or have one parent stay overnight in her room to get her used to it. Young kids just love the security.


donna in wv    Posted 04-18-2003 at 12:38:06       [Reply]  [Send Email]
i have to agree that it is not a good idea.i made that mistake with the first one and when the second one came along he was just 5 and had a heck of a time breaking him of it. it got so bad i had to put a gate in his door to keep him in his room and for the first 3 or 4 days sometimes he fell asleep on the floor.the second one went in his own room at 6mo. and was only allowed in our bed the nite before his ear surgery cuz he was so frightened .


Donna from Mo    Posted 04-18-2003 at 11:49:44       [Reply]  [Send Email]
From my own experience, you'd better nip it in the bud! Whoever told you it's hard to break the child of this is right. I know of a three-year-old across the road from us (soon will be four) who has to be rocked to sleep every night by his grandma (he and his mom live with her). Grandma breaks her back carrying this child to his own bed in his own room, and when he wakes up in an hour or two, he goes hollering to his mom's bed and there he stays. I've known this to happen so many times.


Salmoneye    Posted 04-18-2003 at 10:27:35       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Dunno...Guess we have been lucky in that...The Girl slept with us till 6mos, and since has slept through the night in her own room in the pitch black...Yells at us if she can see light under her door...Last thing she wants is to sleep with us...Almost 6 now...


don t. - 9n180179    Posted 04-18-2003 at 09:51:52       [Reply]  [No Email]
JMHO....don't do it, don't let it continue. A once in awhile kinda thing aint bad, but if its an every night kinda thing, I don't think its a good idea. I've had friends tell me that the kids get used to the companionship, and its a tough time to reverse.
Bottom line....its your kid, do what you think is right. I know what works for one kid might not work for another. Like I started off....JMHO.
Good luck....don t. ...


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