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Country Discussion Topics
To add your comments to this topic, click on one of the 'Reply' links below.

Is anybody here on AOL?
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Cindi    Posted 06-26-2003 at 17:09:03       [Reply]  [No Email]
I need a volunteer to help drive home a point to my daughter.


Jimbob    Posted 06-27-2003 at 05:31:38       [Reply]  [No Email]
Cindy, tell your daughter with a telephone number about anyone can get your address. A minimal fee if unlisted- so that does not count either!


Ron,Ar    Posted 06-27-2003 at 06:31:26       [Reply]  [No Email]
Now that info is available at no charge comes complete with street map and driving directions to your doorstep.


Salmoneye    Posted 06-27-2003 at 09:10:17       [Reply]  [No Email]
Aint the net wonderful?

Scarey too...



Jimbob    Posted 06-27-2003 at 03:10:22       [Reply]  [No Email]
Oh, I forgot. Our 15 year old daughter has a genus IQ. But the genus had not any street smarts. Something an IQ test does not measure like the skills playing music.


Jimbob    Posted 06-27-2003 at 03:07:48       [Reply]  [No Email]
A strong headed teen is a hand full. You must keep the communications open to help guide them. Our daughter thought that we were kind of dumb, living in the past & she knew it all at 15 years old. She now knows somethings does not change no matter what year or era people are living in- evil is simply evil.

Your daughter must understand the dangers out in the world & bringing in strangers are a security risk to the family. She does not have the right to expose others to these risks & doing so is absolutely irresponsible. After all, she must understand you have the job of raising the family & maintaining a safe, secure environment. One does not need a household 'run' with a 12 year old mind set. Hello.

My oldest daughter met a person on line that became her husband. He is a good man- perhaps we are lucky as a lot of sick people are out there.


KellyGa    Posted 06-26-2003 at 21:09:24       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Cindi, I have one girl, and she is almost 9, so I have not experienced these things of teenagehood yet, but...my sister has a 12 year old and a 16 year old, and she emails me to tell me they are going to be the death of her. One wants to float down the chattahoochee on a raft with a bunch of other teenagers, I remember teenagers doing that when I was 16, course I was never allowed to go. :( The 12 year old wants to dye the ends of her hair pink and get a tongue bar, and act of course. The world is so dangerous, and I try to be up front with my daughter about the world, yes it is a good place, but it has a dark ugly side that you have to be smart enough to stay away from. She is very intelligent and beyond her years in wisdom at times, and I hope I continue to contribute to that. Ron has got some good advice. My sister trusts her daughters, and they are good kids. I can tell you this, I was hellbent on doing what I wanted to do during my teenage years, and believe me if theres a will theres a way when it comes to teenagers. All you can do is teach her about the world, good and bad, and hope that she understands that there are bad people out there that want to hurt and kill young girls, and the boy she gave the number to was real this time, but what about next time? Ask her is she willing to take that risk that it may be an older man looking to get her. Tell her just giving out a phone number, it is so easy for people to find out your address, and then she could put everybody in danger. I know it is hard, I hope talking to her, not lecturing her, will help. Just tell her you get worried and you love her and don't want anything to happen to her. If she s smart about things, nothing will happen to her.


Matt    Posted 06-26-2003 at 20:40:28       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I'm on AOL


KellyGa    Posted 06-26-2003 at 17:23:57       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I'm on AOL, whats up?


Cindi    Posted 06-26-2003 at 17:34:34       [Reply]  [No Email]
This is going to sound a little crazy and may not be something you would be comfortable doing. My youngest girl gave out our phone number the other day. Despite being told a hundred times not to give out info. I would like to set it up so someone could IM her and just give her a little scare. Maybe make reference to a few details (provided by me) that might make her think that this person may have been to the house. I also want to see if she'll report to me if this happens. Does that make sense?


MikeC    Posted 06-27-2003 at 04:33:45       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Sheesh! Does it ever dawn on you that she is following your example? Rather than try some "trick" just do the smart thing. Take the computer away from her. If she goes behind your back and uses it, remove it from the house.


Ron,Ar    Posted 06-26-2003 at 20:05:20       [Reply]  [No Email]
Ok, so I posted twice, here's my 'pinion. First, kids don't scare like maybe we used to. They have already seen and/or heard of more than we did when 18. Your idea might have worked 10-20 years ago but not now.They are easily bored because they have so much: TV,video games,internet,ect. This is the information age, they/we hear it every day, everywhere. We have come to expect it.Instant gratification. I work at a school,half the kids there from 6th grade up have cell phones or beepers. It's a two edged sword, we have closer contact with our kids but they have outside contact also.She is at the age where she is reaching out, you have to trust her and let her know you trust her to do right. Don't try to decieve her,if she finds out,your hung. She may use that as an excuse to decieve you. Kids grow up way faster now, too fast. Ya gotta stay on top of it, be involved with them, know who they know,set some ground rules and stick with them. BTW ya haven't mentioned what the father thinks about it. It takes teamwork, you have older kids, remember what worked and what didn't. Learn from those experiances and or mistakes. We are raising a 10 yr old and I see more now than I did with four oldest. Good luck.


Be Phlatt    Posted 06-26-2003 at 20:46:34       [Reply]  [No Email]
Cindi , I think Ron gave some excellent advice to you , hope things work out for you and your daughter!!!!!! Phlatt


max    Posted 06-26-2003 at 17:41:46       [Reply]  [No Email]
A little crazy? If thats thinking, stop doing it.


Cindi    Posted 06-26-2003 at 17:43:03       [Reply]  [No Email]
Well thanks max, that's very helpful.


Cindi    Posted 06-26-2003 at 17:52:44       [Reply]  [No Email]
Never mind, for now. She's pressuring me to get on so I'll have to set it up for another time. I do have a full course of action in mind. I will let her off the hook after a few days and after I suggest she change her screen name. If I didn't feel safe doing it I wouldn't attempt it.


Clod    Posted 06-26-2003 at 18:39:53       [Reply]  [No Email]
I agree with Max..There could be problems if you do this.


Cindi    Posted 06-26-2003 at 19:24:28       [Reply]  [No Email]
Well....there's already problems or I wouldn't consider resorting to this. I just wish I knew somebody personally to ask. I know it's a little drastic, but she's one of those 'bullet proof' kids who thinks nothing is ever going to happen to her. Long story. I understand your concerns I am just running out of ways to make my point. She's a toughie.


Linda    Posted 06-27-2003 at 08:25:18       [Reply]  [No Email]
Consider installing Net Nanny on your computer. It can be set up to prevent kids from giving out their email address or phone number. It's a good program - friends have used it for several years. Shop around for price.


Willy-N    Posted 06-26-2003 at 21:59:20       [Reply]  [No Email]
Cindi; This could back fire on you. What happens if she tells a freind and they say tell another parent or worst yet the cops get called. You never know then she finds out you lied to her or set her up? Your trust will have been broken between the two of you. Allways be up front and truthful to your children it pays off in the end. You can change your phone number if you have to. Kids will do dumb things but don't get caught in the middle of a dumb thing yourself. Think about it. Mark H.


Clod    Posted 06-26-2003 at 19:27:56       [Reply]  [No Email]
Try a simple direct approach.If that does not work then you have a major problem in the makeing.


Cindi    Posted 06-26-2003 at 19:35:16       [Reply]  [No Email]
The problem is she's lonely. She's thirteen in August and has only one freind that I know of. The internet is her lifeline to a social life. Kind of like me I guess. Out here where we are, there are few other options. Her excuse was this time....he's my age and he lives so far away and he just wanted to call and talk to me. I didn't give him our address.

I answered the phone, it was clearly a kid on the other end. We'll work it out somehow. I'm not as frightened about interacting with people on the internet as some folks are. Some are totally paranoid. But on a daily basis I see people exchanging phone numbers and addresses many people on this board alone, there are folks here that have my phone number and address and I theirs. I do it when I feel comfortable. I just don't think she's ready to make those judgement calls yet.


Ludwig    Posted 06-27-2003 at 09:11:52       [Reply]  [No Email]
I think you and her need to sit down and make a fake IM screen name, to show her how easy it is. Then surf the web and find a picture that you can say goes with the screen name. To prove that the 'boy' 'her age' could really be anybody.
Then ban her from the computer for a week for being dumb. Institute a new family rule "don't be dumb".
I was a resident assistant my last year in college. I only had 1 rule, "don't be dumb". It really covers anything, and it was easy to go to somebody and say "Your being dumb" and they knew they were on a path to getting in trouble.

Of course it rarely stopped them...


Huh?    Posted 06-27-2003 at 04:11:01       [Reply]  [No Email]
Why is she chatting with ANYONE on the net at 13???

"I don't care if you are 13 and have no social life...You are 13 and are not supposed to have a social life...Now go prune some orange trees...And stay off the computer..."

This time it was a kid...Next time you may not be so lucky...

Salmoneye


Clod    Posted 06-26-2003 at 19:53:17       [Reply]  [No Email]
I am not a good advisor on these matters..But if you smell trouble,You have an opprotunity to nip it in the bud . I do hope that thing works out to the best..I would also advise against giveing personal info out. IBut like i said.Im not a good advisor and you are the captain of your own ship.Good night you nice folks.


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