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Country Discussion Topics
To add your comments to this topic, click on one of the 'Reply' links below.

Passing along some humor
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Pigster    Posted 06-26-2003 at 19:27:53       [Reply]  [No Email]
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and

Californians cross states such as Arkansas, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin,
Nebraska,
Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, South
Dakota, and
Colorado; those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of
information guidelines.
In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following
list will! be handed
to each driver entering the state:

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a 'gravel road. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I
need it. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4.. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get

you whipped... by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those

little trout you fish for...bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final
approach, we will shoot it.! You might hope you don't have it up to
your
ear at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for
what
you paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
it
rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds
of
ham and turkey.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
over ice.

11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends.
We're
real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we
use
two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
when
it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want to. So,
you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp too-----and turtle. You really want
sushi
and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't
like it?
Interstates 70, 80, 90 go two ways-Interstates 29 and 35 go the other
two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
religious
holiday. You can get a pancake breakfast at the church and your gun
blessed.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.

Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It
spooks
the fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving
like an idiot......his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.
Now, enjoy your visit !



test    Posted 05-08-2004 at 08:50:07       [Reply]  [No Email]
Because of Misunderstandings that frequently develop when Midwesterners visit coastal states such as California, Oregon, Washington, Maine, New York, Rhode Island, Massachusettes, Connecticut, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, The Carolinas, Florida and Georgia; those Tourism Councils have adopted a set of information guidelines. In an effort to help Midwesterners understand the Rest of the US, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:

1. Any guy you see on a street corner in a suit, with a cell phone, made more money this morning than you will in 30 years.

2. It's called 'Traffic,' No matter how well you drive, you're going to get cut off because you're too kind. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it to push your car out of the way. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. We all got a computer when we were 12 years old. We've been on the internet. Get over it.

4. Any references to Loose or Stiff when talking about our women will get you bitchslapped... by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your unregistered shotgun. Don't cry to us if a bored cop confiscates it from the back of your pickup. For Christ's sake, use a pistol.

6. Pull your pants down a little, untuck your shirt. You look like an idiot.

7. If you open with "Howdy Neighbor" when knocking on someone's door, don't be suprised if the door slams in your face. You might hope you're not in the door way.

8. That's right. That cool-aid has alcohol. We like our drinks to taste good and get us drunk.

9. No, there's no "Raw Cow" on the menu. Order pasta. Order it with everything. Or, you can order the Spaghetti and Meatballs and pick out all the Meat.

10. You bring Coke into my house but it better be white, pure and ready to sniff.

11. So you have quarter of a million dollar combines that you use two weeks a year. We're real impressed. We have 3 cars, each actually get us somewhere faster than 15 mph.

12. Let's get this straight. Stop signs are an acronym. Slightly Tap On Pedal. Gas or Brake, you pick. Just don't stop!

13. Our women work 2 jobs, workout daily and take care of children because they want to. So, you're a housewife. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat Sushi. Caviar too-and Squid. You really want Duck and Pheasant? Good luck finding one within a hundred miles of the city.

15. That's the ocean. That's what it smells like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstates 70, 80 and 90 go two ways. Interstates 5, 95 and 10 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Day After Thanksgiving Sale" refers to the first day of Shopping season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. Every person in every car has their own problems. Don't bother waving, you are liable to get shot.

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't even think about bringing your rifle. We like our ducks.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot ... his name is, "Sir", no matter how old you are.


WallSal55 - IL    Posted 06-27-2003 at 06:26:17       [Reply]  [No Email]
Loved This One! Thanks, can relate. Somebody
once said, I think they were from the East U.S.--
said I had an accent. I said, Oh really? I thought you folks had an accent. Was the first
time I had ever heard someone say a midwesterner
had an accent. (Unless it was my Belgian-German
ancestry coming through).
Learn something new all the time.


Ron/PA    Posted 06-27-2003 at 05:18:30       [Reply]  [No Email]
Welcome to Pennsylvania, NOW GET OUT!!!


Clod    Posted 06-27-2003 at 05:48:17       [Reply]  [No Email]
Howdy Ron PA.. The boss is out there jummping up and down this morning..We are wondering what that is all about.But nobody is going to ask the question.


Ron/PA    Posted 06-27-2003 at 06:21:46       [Reply]  [No Email]
Dunno, it's just that every once in a while, when ya see a fire, ya just gotta fan the flames!
Later
Ron


Clod    Posted 06-27-2003 at 07:42:50       [Reply]  [No Email]
This is like a stump that smolders the year round.I remember those sawmills had al that sawdust pile that caught on fire on it's own.It just smoldered until it all turned to ashes some year or two later.


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