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This is too funnny...
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Cindi    Posted 07-01-2003 at 06:36:34       [Reply]  [No Email]
I snatched it from another forum.....

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying, "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Fred Hannifin. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an [censored]!" and
hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word '[censored]' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or
had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an [censored]!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic '[censored]' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this
is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the Caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an [censored]!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window ... so, I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first [censored], (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW [censored],

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"


"Don, you're an [censored]." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.

So, I came up with an idea. I called [censored] #1.


"You're an [censored]!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"[censored], I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, [censored]."

Then I called [censored] #2.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, [censored]," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are?"

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass!", he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, [censored], here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th Street.

There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

NOW, I feel better.

laughter is good medicine    Posted 07-01-2003 at 07:06:24       [Reply]  [No Email]
I've got a friend that is under the weather- I email him jokes from time to time. He'll get this one, and it will bring on a chuckle. Thanks- Mike D.

1st out-loud belly laugh    Posted 07-01-2003 at 08:01:52       [Reply]  [No Email]
I've had in a few weeks...but maybe I'm just strange.

Tom A

WallSal55 - I laughed too    Posted 07-01-2003 at 09:51:10       [Reply]  [No Email]
My grandpad could come up with some antics like
this or this way of thinking. Don't think he
would take anything to the point of hurting
anyone, though, (neither would I). He was very sensitive about that.
My daughter has a friend who's mind certainly
does work like this! She claims she gets in
quite a few disagreements w/others (don't know
how true it is, but, gee, I can't imagine why?)
However, she does channel that thinking
positively. She has a degree in social work, and
believe me nobody who neglects/abuses a kid would
pull one over on her. She's smart, she'd know all their tricks. She be really good in criminal justice, too.

markct    Posted 07-01-2003 at 06:41:04       [Reply]  [No Email]
well i realy hope its not the "real cindi" that posted that. pretty childish and stupid

Cindi    Posted 07-01-2003 at 06:42:58       [Reply]  [No Email]
It is the real Cindi. I thought it was funny. But I'm assuming it's fiction. It's a little too farfetched to be real, don't you think?

markct    Posted 07-01-2003 at 08:38:40       [Reply]  [No Email]
yes im very sorry cindi, i had read it fast early in the mornin and thought that ya said it was stuff that ya acctualy did lol, im very sorry, my mistake for being half asleep and posting without carefully reading, and like ya said it sounds farfetched but i wouldnt be too surprised if someone actualy did do that, i had just figured at first it was not you cindi, i recall a while back that someone had been posting with your name on posts, my appologies cindi

LOL!!    Posted 07-01-2003 at 11:52:07       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Ay ay ayeeee markct...hehe

I was getting ready to go back to bed when Cindi's joke showed up, and also Tom's message for me.
I opened Cindi's and thought I'd read it later, really needed to get some sleep before I could read a joke that long.

Tom's? I could reply without much effort; Travel counseling is what I do for a living, and I live in PR, so that would be easy.

One thing is clear're a real gentleman, like most of the men on this forum, 'con pantalones', as we refer in PR of a man with guts...:-)


Cindi    Posted 07-01-2003 at 11:01:10       [Reply]  [No Email]
No harm done, don't beat yourself up. I spend about fifty percent of my time putting my foot in or prying it out of my mouth. : )

Patria / PR    Posted 07-01-2003 at 12:00:46       [Reply]  [Send Email]
hey Cindi

Your joke could as well be a scene from Lethal Weapon where Riggs decides is PAYDAY time...:-)

Red Dave Ha Ha    Posted 07-01-2003 at 08:12:27       [Reply]  [No Email]
I liked it Cindi, I got a laugh out of it.
I too, doubt that it's true, it would break several laws, I'm sure.
Still funny though.

I'm sorry Kim1    Posted 07-01-2003 at 06:38:26       [Reply]  [No Email]
I didn't realize there were two cusswords still in there. Sorry sorry sorry. If there was an edit feature I would fix it. Sorry!

Clod    Posted 07-01-2003 at 10:13:38       [Reply]  [No Email]
Like Mr Shakespeare said long ago."Cunning and treachery are the offspring of incapacity." I have known people like the writer of the story.I know one now.

Yah but...    Posted 07-01-2003 at 10:59:44       [Reply]  [No Email]
You shouldn't let em get to ya...

"The only thing worse than being talked about...Is not being talked about"...Oscar Wilde


Clod    Posted 07-01-2003 at 11:11:23       [Reply]  [No Email]
Oh I dont much.I knew,stil know a guy like the one in the story,If you are around him you may become a part of is colection of enemies.He does not face them like a man but is very devious and a great coward.Those who get to know him eventually learn of the strange events in their life all lead to his door.He tells you what kind of low life stunts he has pulled on others.Then you add up the past events to find he is the culprit that was behind them.He has taught his children the same lessons. This s not the type of an indvidual you want to hire nor deal with. The best way is to avoid him as much as possible.Because it is not legal to jerk him up by the stacking swivel and give him an attitude adjustment.But fate has dealt with this kind often.They dig a hole then fall into it.

I've noticed that...    Posted 07-01-2003 at 11:14:23       [Reply]  [No Email]
Still wondering where some people have got to...

I don't wonder too hard though...


Ron,Ar    Posted 07-01-2003 at 11:02:49       [Reply]  [No Email]
and from what I've read he (Wilde) should know.

Clod    Posted 07-01-2003 at 12:16:20       [Reply]  [No Email]
Going to work on a boat awhile. Thought I would add a filler here by shakespeare. So may the outward shows be least themselves:
The world is still deceived with ornament.
In law, what plea so tainted and corrupt,
But, being seasoned with a gracious voice,
Obscures the show of evil? In religion,
What damned error, but some sober brow
Will bless it and approve it with a text,
Hiding the grossness with fair ornament?
There is no vice so simple but assumes
Some mark of virtue on his outward parts:
How many cowards, whose hearts are all as false
As stairs of sand, wear yet upon their chins
The beards of Hercules and frowning Mars;
Who, inward search'd, have livers white as milk;
And these assume but valour's excrement
To render them redoubted! Look on beauty,
And you shall see 'tis purchased by the weight;
Which therein works a miracle in nature,
Making them lightest that wear most of it:
So are those crisped snaky golden locks
Which make such wanton gambols with the wind,
Upon supposed fairness, often known
To be the dowry of a second head,
The skull that bred them in the sepulchre.
Thus ornament is but the guiled shore
To a most dangerous sea; the beauteous scarf
Veiling an Indian beauty; in a word,
The seeming truth which cunning times put on
To entrap the wisest. Therefore, thou gaudy gold,
Hard food for Midas, I will none of thee;
Nor none of thee, thou pale and common drudge
'Tween man and man: but thou, thou meagre lead,
Which rather threatenest than dost promise aught,
Thy paleness moves me more than eloquence;
And here choose I; joy be the consequence!

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