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chris    Posted 07-25-2003 at 10:54:18       [Reply]  [No Email]
anyone hear any good jokes? How I need to hear a joke.Pleassseeee.

The Meaning of Life:    Posted 07-25-2003 at 12:15:08       [Reply]  [No Email]
Sent to me by a friend. I wouldn't have posted it BUT.... you asked! :-)

Larry 8N75381

The Meaning of Life:

On the first day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the
field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have
calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life
span of 60 years."

The cow said, "That's a kind of a tough life you want me to live for
60 years. Let me have 20 years and I'll give back the other 40."

And God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by
the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.
I will give you a life span of 20 years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years
and I'll give back the other ten."

So God agreed (sigh).

On the third day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain
people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a 20-year
life span."

Monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for 20 years? I don't
think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?"

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play,
enjoy. Do nothing, just enjoy, enjoy. I'll give you 20 years." Man
said, "What? Only 20 years? No way man. Tell you what, I'll
take my 20, and the 40 cow gave back, and the 10 dog gave back
and the 10 monkey gave back. That makes 80, Okay?"

"Okay," said God. "You've got a deal."

So that is why for the first 20 years we eat, sleep, play, enjoy, and
do nothing; for the next 40 years we slave in the sun to support your
family; for the next 10 years we do monkey tricks to entertain our
grandchildren; and for the last 10 years we sit in front of the house
and bark at everybody.

Life has now been explained.

Bubba    Posted 07-25-2003 at 12:12:50       [Reply]  [No Email]


Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.

"President Bush," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."

And off they go. At the White House, President Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba.

"My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." and he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"


LOL...    Posted 07-25-2003 at 12:23:32       [Reply]  [No Email]
I have printed this one for my VERY Catholic Aunt Louise...


Salmoneye, The Impressed

Les...Hehheh    Posted 07-25-2003 at 12:47:11       [Reply]  [No Email]
You are a young feller ain't ya? That one, in some form or other, has gotta be older'n you.

Salmoneye    Posted 07-25-2003 at 13:08:55       [Reply]  [No Email]
I aint that young...

Young at heart, maybe...

And I told ya I had a misspent youth, so I don't know that many 'clean' jokes...I'm still catching up...


Lenore    Posted 07-25-2003 at 12:51:57       [Reply]  [No Email]
Just goes to show you how good it is to recycle things!!

Annie in KY    Posted 07-25-2003 at 12:32:49       [Reply]  [Send Email]
you describe someone I know and her name is Louise and she's an Aunt...maybe same person:)..I mean, how many Aunt Louise's are there in the world? he-he

Dunno...    Posted 07-25-2003 at 12:39:26       [Reply]  [No Email]
Could be...This one is my Moms older Sister and lives in Vermont...

I'd take the printout to her now, but I have to wait till after Mass and then she has to lock the church and the Parish House for Father...


Annie in KY    Posted 07-25-2003 at 12:51:58       [Reply]  [Send Email]
oh, can't be my "Aunt Louise" because she never leaves the church :):) does Adoration...anyways she lives in MO.

We'll have'ta...    Posted 07-25-2003 at 13:05:46       [Reply]  [No Email]
Get them together with my Mom next time they do a shrine-tour of Quebec...

The Shrine of Sainte Anne de Beaupré is always a biggy with my Family...


Les    Posted 07-25-2003 at 11:40:43       [Reply]  [No Email]
My co-worker just told me that since they have now got Uday and Qusay, they're going after Saddam's other son, Ebay.

Annie in KY    Posted 07-25-2003 at 11:35:47       [Reply]  [Send Email]
An old man is in the mall and starts stairing at this teenage boy who has hair all spiked up and different colors of orange, yellow, blue and purple...the teenage boy notices the old man stairing at him and says "what's wrong old man?, haven't you ever done anything crazy before?" The old man says back to him "yeah, I once had s*x with a parrot and I was just wondering if you were my son"

disclaimer:(no animals were injured in the telling of this joke)

Susan mo    Posted 07-25-2003 at 11:19:21       [Reply]  [No Email]
Two old women were waiting a really really long time on a bus to roll in. One turns to the other and says to her, I have been here so long my butt fell asleep. The other says to her Yes I know I could hear it snoring. lol

Les    Posted 07-25-2003 at 12:55:28       [Reply]  [No Email]
I thought women never did anything like that.

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