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Real life Humor? XXX
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M.R.    Posted 08-02-2003 at 07:05:00       [Reply]  [No Email]
Take a moment & read them....we have all been there at some time or other

Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you
could crawl into a hole? Here are a few people who do....
--------
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned
around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a
word... he knew better. Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
-------
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He
was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as
best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came
back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest. Kathy Newman, 46,
Winston-Salem, NC
-------------
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and
wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked
adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well
that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards.
Days later, a relative called
about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer
look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in
addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing
nothing but a camera! Name Withheld (go figure)
------------------
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at
the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him
and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." Colleen Collins, 31,
Ferndale, M.
-------------------------
Nuts about You - My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that
sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy
behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy
grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has
never let me forget. Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
---------------------
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some
pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after
receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that
if she did not start behaving "right now"she would be punished. To my
horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this
enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I
mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my
daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were
screams of laughter. Amy Richardson,Stafford, Virginia
--------------------------
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up
to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine
her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for
all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE."
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently
misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a
voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH
YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" Diane E. Amov
--------------------
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old
son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was
very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled
something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she
was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while,
so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh
Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he
replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell
was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an
accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and
spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people
nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly
pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!
-----------------------
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before
she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any....a true
story... We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to
have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's
that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the
set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard.




Cindi    Posted 08-02-2003 at 07:16:38       [Reply]  [No Email]
Those are hilarious!!

Thanks for the great laugh!

Once I was in the store and Jake asked me for a pair of camo hunting pants. My husband Fred was in another part of the store so Jake called him on his cell phone from mine to ask him if he could get the pants.

He said..."I'll tell him their only twenty bucks, he'll let me get them."

I said, "No! Tell him their 19.99! Trust me, it'll sound a lot cheaper and he'll let you get them."

About that time Fred came walking around the aisle we were standing on holding a pair of the exact same pants and glaring at me. He had been one aisle over the whole time listening to every word that was said.

"You mean THESE? Do you really think I'm that DUMB?"

We all busted out laughing.

"Well it always worked for me." I said, red as a beet.


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