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I love these St. Peter Jokes
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Ladyhawk    Posted 08-13-2003 at 21:03:00       [Reply]  [No Email]
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven where they are met at
the Pearly gates
by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives
that I am granting
you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren" and *poof*,
she's gone.

The second nun says, "I want to be Madonna" and *poof*, she's

The third nun says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini." St. Peter
looks perplexed.
"Who?" he asks. "Sara Pipalini" replies the nun. St. Peter
his head and says, "I'm sorry but that name doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to
St. Peter.
He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her
and says....
"No Sister, this headline says 'Sahara Pipeline, laid by 1,900 men
in 6 months.'"

Brian-2N    Posted 08-14-2003 at 10:31:18       [Reply]  [Send Email]
A pope and a lawyer die the same day and appear before St.Peter.
St.Peter says to the pope, "Right this way Holy Father " and shows him to this dinky, small, run down little cloud.
He comes back for the lawyer and says" Right this way attorney". He shows the lawyer to a spacious, magnificently furnished cloud.
An angel was observing this and was puzzled, so he flies over to St.Peter.
"Blessed Peter" the angel asks. "Yes my child", replies St. Peter.
"Why did you take the Holy Father to such a small cloud, but take this mere lawyer to such a nice cloud."
"I'll tell you my child. We have 94 popes up here already and he's the 95th, but that's our first lawyer."

Ron from IL    Posted 08-14-2003 at 07:30:34       [Reply]  [No Email]
Another one...

A guy is in a big car wreck, is killed, and the next thing he knows, is standing in front of the Pearly Gates. He's kinda disoriented, but manages to go up to St. Peter, sitting at a big desk at the entrance.

"Where am I?", says the guy.

"You're at the entrance to Heaven", replies St. Peter.

"What happened to me?"

"Well, you were in a big car wreck and were killed".

"May I come in?"

St. Peter replies, "Well, yes, but first you must spell a word for me".

"What's the word?" says the guy.

"Love", says St. P.

"Love, you mean l-o-v-e?"

"Yes, that's it! C'mon in!"

Well, the guy enters and wanders around for a while near the gate, finding a few of his old friends, and is generally having a great time. A little while later, he's approached again by St. Peter.

"Look, it's my break time, and my replacement is late, so could you possibly man my post for me? It's really easy. All you have to do is ask everyone to spell "love". If they can, let them in.

The guy is a little unsure, but says O.K.

Time passes, and the guy sees someone approaching. It turns out to be his wife! She's a little disoriented, too, but finally makes her way over to him.

"Honey", she says, "where AM I?"

"This is heaven", he says. "Why are YOU here?"

"Well", she says, "after you were killed, I was so distraught that I just pined away. I guess I must have died!"

"Oh", was all her husband could say.

"Well", she says, "can I come in?"

"Yes, but first you gotta spell a word".

"A word? WHAT word", she says.

And he says. "antidisestablishmentarianism".

~Lenore    Posted 08-13-2003 at 21:36:52       [Reply]  [No Email]
One of my favorite St. Peter jokes:

A cat dies and goes to heaven. St peter meets him and says, "Welcome to heaven, you were a verygood and loyal cat. What can we do for you to make your stay here special?"

The cat answered, "it surely would be nice to have a big fluffy pillow to lay on. When I was alive I just slept in the barn on wood and straw."

"Of course, you will have a very nice pillow, you deserve it", St Peter replied.

That afternoon God came by and asked the cat if he was happy. "Yes everything here is great, thanks".

Later that day three mice were killed and they came to heaven. St Peter asked them if they would like to request anything special.

"Oh could we please have roller skates? When we were alive we were always being chased with a broom or by the cat. Skates sure would be nice".

"Sure skates for you, anything else?"

"No these are wonderful, thanks" they replied as they skated off.

Next day as God was checking on things again, he saw the cat on his fluffy pillow. "How is everything he asked?"

The cat purred and said, "God, everything here is wonderful. This pillow is so comfortable, and by the way those meals on wheels were a terrific treat."

JoeK    Posted 08-14-2003 at 09:44:07       [Reply]  [No Email]
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven...don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.? It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eye-lashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word?

The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?" The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

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