Posted 09-04-2003 at 09:16:33
[Reply] [No Email]
Poor Fred. As if he doesn’t have enough to worry about. Financial woes. Three teenagers in the house. It’s like trying to feed the locusts of China. He never gets to eat unless he gets there first. I have to stand at the table with a
spatula in one hand and a ladle in the other to fend them off until he can get his plate made. We have to buy him a box of cereal all his own, his own brand, and write his name on it and woe betide the sneak thief that gets caught with rice krispies in this house. He has a special ‘snap, crackle, pop’ radar and he can hear the telltale sounds for miles.
Something is always breaking down or acting up. If anything’s gonna go wrong, it will. That’s why it came as no surprise to him when I told him last night that the radiator on the Ford seems to be leaking and overheating the truck, and on the reverse, the hot water heater appears to be going out and underheating the bath water. Yeehaw. Add to that the fact that he’s out of rice krispies and you’ve got a very tense individual on your hands.
As the week progresses and the horrors add up I get to where I walk around him on tippy toe and resort to leaving notes to alert him to the latest disasters on the coffee maker.
Okay. I’m a coward. I can live with that. Imagine my horror when I accidentally got up too early this morning and found him not only still home but standing in front of the coffee
maker clutching my latest note in his trembling hand. There was no time to run, he had already seen me.
“What the HECK is THIS crap NOW!”
I snatched a coffee mug off the counter and held it in front of me like a shield.
“Don’t you now honey ME! If we can’t do no better than this on long distance then we need to move closer to whoever the he11 it is we’re talking to so much.” His grammar also tends to suffer a bit during tirades.
“Well I know...I understand how you feel...”
Next thing I know his nose was mere inches from mine.
“Until you get out there and BUST YOU HUMP EVERY DAY you will not understand how I feel. I BREAK MY BACK to make ends meet and YOU PEOPLE JUST .....”
His eyes were bugged out so far I just knew they were going to pop out and land on the front of my nightgown. Ewwww.
It is always at this point that I tune him out. His hump has been busted and his back has been broken so many times it’s a wonder he can move. Being his wife for twenty years I know in my heart that he is just blowing off steam and once he’s done he will be my happy darling husband and we can go on with our lives. A spouse’s lot in life is to learn to weather these little storms and not take them personally, and with any luck at all find a way to lighten up the situation a bit.
“.....are tryin’ to put me in the dam poor house....won’t be satisfied until I’m DEAD, will ya!?”
“Well...I...I do have some good news.....now. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.”
“WHASSAT!? You hit the lottery? Inherited a fortune? I could really use some good news.”
“Well...I did save us some money on our auto insurance by calling GEICO....”
Of course I didn’t. It was the best I could do on short notice. Thank God I watch as much t v as I do.
“Yeah....” Very, very carefully. “So you see, it all equals out in the end. Why don’t you go sit down and watch the weather and I’ll make the coffee.”
Slowly his shoulders began to relax and he shuffled into the living room.
“Well....(yawn)...just don’t make it too weak, you tend to make it too weak.”
“Maybe it’s because coffee costs (mumble mumble) a pound...” I muttered under my breath.
“Nothing dear. Hot, strong coffee, coming right up.”
He's really not as bad as he sounds :)