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People you cant help
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Taylor Lambert    Posted 09-10-2003 at 10:30:03       [Reply]  [No Email]
Our neighbors step son is 26 and has been in trouble with the law since he was 14. Hes been to every work program at Parchmen But not put in the prison part because they thought they could change him. His mom and step dad have never made him face the music for anything hes done and he's sorry as buzzard crap.
He's very personable but has an alcohol problem. The last year and a half He's helped dad off and on with yard work when i was busy and dads part time lanscaping service. Half the time he wouldnt show up or borrow money and take 2 weeks to work it off. And dad is too good hearted to not deal with him. His step dad is one of dads friends. Dad helps him hobby farm and Ed the step dad kinda pressures dad into lettin Jason work for him. Thats always bothered me. I hired him to help me one morning with a backhoe job and he got there late hung over during a rainstorm. I told him to go home or wait the the rain out but I wasnt going to pay for him to sit on his tail so he decided to stay. When the rain stopped 2 hours later we went to work he asked to borrow a few dollars for cigarettes but i was short after buying him breakfast and lunch. We worked 8 hours and i gave him some scrap iron off a the job. I noticed at the gas staion he went in and came out with cigarettes and told me he'd had a few dollars on him. Later i realized that i had misput my 10 dollars for fuel that i had put in the console. I knew the girl in the station and she let me run home and pay them back. At the end of the day I took Jason and the scrap iron the the salvage yard and had to unload it and gave him the money. When dad asked how many hours he worked so I could pay him Jason added the sitting time, time during lunch, and at the end of the day for loading his iron and hauling time and unloading after he got the 30 dollars for the scrap. Dad paid him and i had to pay dad but i freaked when dad told me what his hours were and i repaid dad. I got done with him then, I only alow one intercoursng per person.
He was supposed to pay restituion for the things he stole from the nieghbors when he was on drugs. He didnt pay it back and got a DUI and got sent to a work camp at Parchmen State penn. to pay off the 5000 in restituion. They let folks work it out by having them mow yards or whatever based on skills and your trade. His step dad complained because they only had him working for 5.50 an hour mowing yards. Step dad ends up cosigning with him to get him out. He worked for dad a few more times and dad vouched for him to get a job with my older brother. He laid out then laid out after a few days of working and ruined my brothers word with his boss. His step dad complained that my brother wasnt paying him regular which he was spending it on booze and whatever and not paying back his parents.
Then he got caught for public drunk and the alchol violated his parole. They placed him under house arrest and His step dad cam to us as he couldnt keep jason there because of his gun collection. He wanted to have the old house we bought across the road hooked up to the utilities and let jason stay there. The whole time prssuring dad. Well it blew up last night as dad agreed to it earlier without asking mom and my brother and me. Ed told dad that he had a 500 foot range and Jason would remain clean. I told dad that if he took some thing in the house like drugs we coul lose that house, This house and and the shop and all my tools Ive worked hard for. Ed told dad that he had to stay in the house but failed to tell dad that from 6 to530 he could come and go as he pleased. I told dad about my friend Laney losing her house and cars because her husband had sold some weed from it and got caught. He didnt belive it so i called our neighbor the deputy and the a former judge. They told me that we could lose all our belongings. Dad made one more excuse that they had asked as a last resort to prison so they could recover some of there money, that theyd do the same for me if i was going to prison. I told dad to count the times ive had a ticket or been to jail and that came to zero. I also told him that if i did something that was illegal that Id be a man and face the consequences of my actions. I asked dad when were you supposed to draw a line that he proved to everyone that he wont change, and has no remorse for others. He was out for 3 weeks this time after his step dad put up the 5000 for him. personally he should have tried to burn a wet mule with that money. I mean what can you do I know the sheriff and deputieds caught him several times for DUI and public drunk and taken him straight home to keep him out of jail. The judge I mentioned above helped him,dad helped him his parents, i tried and he's hooked us all. I think his only thing he needs now is a huge jar of vaseline and some lipstick
Sorry for this super long rant, I just had to vent off about this long ordeal and to see if i handled it right. Take care Taylor Lambert

FM    Posted 09-10-2003 at 19:24:37       [Reply]  [No Email]
I have a cousin like that. Only suggestion I have, though--why not offer to keep the guys guns? Seems to me if he doesn't have his guns there the kid can stay, right?


Taylor Lambert    Posted 09-11-2003 at 07:39:52       [Reply]  [No Email]
We offered that but Ed really doesn t want hime there either. He has about 100 acres with access to water and all to put a camper on and deed 1/2 acre to the kid. Dad offered to hold the guns one time yesterday but Ed says we dont have a security safe. The boy came by last night pleadin for 100 dollars and wanting to know why we didnt want him here. He gets the bracelet next week. His mom says Oh its the drugs, I remind them that nobody has held him down and gave him a dose.
After his step dad told me he was disapointed in brother and I told him why we didnt want him here i told him that who knows he may meet his sole mate in prison. I cant stand the fact the the guy has 4 kids from 4 different women and cant stay out of jail or work to pay child support. What really bothers me is his mom says nobody ever gave him a chance. I look and see how many times the judge and sheriff dept have tried to help.

Jimbob    Posted 09-10-2003 at 19:11:21       [Reply]  [No Email]
The kid does not give a rip........about you, others or himself. Up here we call these types a Deadbeat.

slim    Posted 09-10-2003 at 11:38:50       [Reply]  [No Email]
You cannot help some people. They can only help themselves and then only if they want to change.

A friend of mine has a brother in law who was also "helped" a lot just like neighbor's step son. He didn't change until after he did hard time twice. After the second time the authorities set him down and gave him a good talking to about the fact that if he came back again he would be a three time loser and they would keep him for life as a habitual criminal. He's still a very sorry and lazy individual but at least he has kept his nose clean with the law because he knows the next time he goes away for good and there's not anything he can do.

It seems that everyone has "enabled" this guy and he has not had to face the consequences. It also seems that when he does go down for good he is going to take a lot of people with him. If I were you I would protect myself as much as possible because everyone else is walking around in denial and will be going down with him.

Please distance yourself financially and physically as much as possible from this scum and from those he is taking with him. Please don't misunderstand me here. I don't mean for you to cut your family and friends off. But if you have to move your tools and other stuff to another place to keep them from being lost when the scum goes down do it. Maybe when you do it other eyes will open also.

Good luck.


Taylor Lambert    Posted 09-10-2003 at 12:52:59       [Reply]  [No Email]
I think I got dad to see the light finally. The step dad came by the shop and said something smart About me not letting his step son use the house. I reminded him the same way i did dad
and he got put back on the road again. Every time hes come back its oh im a changed person.
IVe learned the hard way that folks that dont help themselves are hopeless. I think of all the times they got him out and how fast he goes back. His mother told me it wasnt very Christian to act like i did and turn a person in need away. I told her thats what ws wrong with him in the first place.

slim    Posted 09-11-2003 at 05:23:11       [Reply]  [No Email]
Good for you!

As for the mother, it's also not very Christian to force your problems on to other people.

Also FM seems to have it right. You could offer to help the step-dad by keeping his gun collection for him so the step-son could stay in his home like he is supposed to. Really we all know that this is just an excuse because the step son steals at home too. They just want other people to pay for their problem. That's the step son's whole problem. His attitude is that I don't have a problem, everyone else does. If everyone would just let me do what I want to, all would be OK. See it every day. No consequences for the actions.


SusanMo    Posted 09-10-2003 at 11:37:43       [Reply]  [No Email]
Taylor sounds to me like u have went above and beyond the call of long as everyone helps him out everytime he screws up he will continue to do so...sounds to me like some "tough love" is in order...i was raised with the saying do the crime do the time i always told my kids if you get in trouble i will try to help as best i can the first time but it would be the only thankful my three never got into trouble but i had two brothers that is now dead because of his actions the other well that remains to be seen.

Gotta realize.....    Posted 09-10-2003 at 10:33:29       [Reply]  [No Email]
that some people are just born losers and steer clear of em....

WallSal55    Posted 09-10-2003 at 19:17:27       [Reply]  [No Email]
Yep, Protect Yourself, Sounds like you've done
just about everything possible.

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