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Dog's Friend    Posted 09-25-2003 at 13:39:50       [Reply]  [Send Email]
The 1st Brigade of the Viola Volunteers of the 2nd Battalion Vernon County Militia has been mobilized in a mission that is of critical importance to the economic well being of the country.

With the deployment of our armed forces to the hostilities in the middle east, there have been significant economic repercussions in cities and towns all across this great country of ours.

The plight of bar owners, saloon keepers, and honky tonk proprietors whose establishments are adjacent to military bases has not been widely covered in the media. These business owners have seen their incomes plummet with the further deployment of the military personnel, their primary customer base, as the war in the middle east continues

We, the members of The 1st Brigade of the Viola Volunteers of the 2nd Battalion Vernon County Militia, feel it is our solemn duty to assist these businesses in regaining their economic livelihood.

We will be embarking on an expedition to visit every bar, tavern, supper club, saloon, gin mill, and honky tonk that is in proximity to a military base. At each of these places of business we will attempt to consume as much beer, whiskey, schnapps, or brandy, as is humanly possible to help these unfortunate business owners maintain their standard of living.

Most of the funds for this expedition have been raised through the use of "Toll Booths" strategically placed on Wisconsin roads frequented by tourists from Illinois and Minnesota. It should be noted that the Illinois tourists never even questioned the need for a $3.00 "toll" on a federally subsidized state or county road. This must be the result of all those years of conditioning by their own "Toll Authority", which makes them willing to pay for the privilege of driving on substandard roads that are perpetually under construction.

We also raised funds at the Vernon, Crawford, and Richland county fairs with our "Drown the Liberal" dunking booth. It was heartwarming to see youngsters and old folks alike lined up to throw baseballs at liberal politicians imported from Madison and northern Illinois for the event.

The expedition convoy will form up at Camp Liberty at 06:00 on Wednesday October 1st.

Camp Liberty, which is in Liberty Township, Wisconsin, is also the site of the famous annual "Uncle Andy's Male Bonding and Burnt Meat Weekendİ" which is traditionally held each June.

The convoy will proceed to the outskirts of Camp McCoy which is approximately two hours travel time from Camp Liberty.

The 1st Brigade will perform two days of "conditioning exercises" at specially chosen bars and taverns near Camp McCoy. The conditioning exercises will consist of consuming a different brand of locally produced beer every half hour, while limiting the all other caloric intake to one of four flavors of beef jerky that will be supplied Larry Dank, our Quartermaster.

After departing Camp McCoy, the convoy will take on supplies of ice, beer, red meat, and pork rinds for the trek to our next stop, Fort Benning Georgia, with intermediate stops at West Point, the Naval Academy at Annapolis, and Norfolk Naval Air Station.

Once we have replenished the coffers of the saloon keepers in such wonderful Georgia places as Opelika and Auburn, we will make our way west to Fort Riley, and Leavenworth, Kansas, and then on to various other military installations and outposts across this great country.

Hopefully in our own small way, we will make life just a little bit better for the folks on the home front. All the while, keeping the home fires and the acid reflux burning, and supporting our boys in uniform.

God Bless America

S/Sgt Andrew Hollmer
1st Brigade of the Viola Volunteers

this just hacks me off    Posted 09-26-2003 at 10:25:36       [Reply]  [No Email]
Guess somebody will say I'm too thin skinned, but I know a lot of young soldiers who would rightfully take offense at this. Some of these fine youngsters worked for me, others are related to me, others I'll never know but I do know this:

We're losing an average of one youngster a day--our nations best--while some folks seem to make light of them and here characterize them as some kind of drunks.

The average soldier today is far more educated and generally smarter than the average American. Far more today are married with kids than ever before. They work hard, with incredibly long hours and way too much time away from home and family. The idea that these fine folks are a bunch of beer-swilling, women-chasing druggies was outdated a decade or more ago...this kind of cr@p just perpetuates a bad myth.

Take your hat off and show some respect.

Tom A

Maggie/Tx    Posted 09-25-2003 at 20:29:36       [Reply]  [No Email]
I'm mighty proud of you's a rough job, but somebody's got to do it. Makes me feel so patriotic I am almost moved to join up with your outfit. Darn near brings a tear to my eye, it does. ;)

On thing, though, it may get a little ah...confusing on this trip so I thought I better straighten ya out on one little point of geography. Unless Georgia has towns by the same name, Opelika and Auburn are in Alabama. :)

Dog's Friend    Posted 09-26-2003 at 06:47:07       [Reply]  [No Email]
OOPS!! Didn't notice the boundry line on the map. Guess I better clean my glasses. No slight was intended to the fine folks in Alabama. Durn Bifocals.

deadcarp- be dang!    Posted 09-25-2003 at 22:11:48       [Reply]  [No Email]
no wonder it's so hard to settle down - they moved those towns again? i think that's the third time this week! lol

Salmoneye    Posted 09-25-2003 at 17:26:56       [Reply]  [No Email]

"Oh all the money, that ere I spent,
I've spent it in Good Company...
And all the harm that ere I did,
Alack it was to none but me...
And all I done,
For want o'wit,
To mem'ry now I can't recall...

So fill to me,
The parting glass...

Good night, and Joy be with you all..."

COON CATCHER CLAY    Posted 09-25-2003 at 17:18:46       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I am an old war veteran can I tag along on your mission.[War on poverty 1972 1991]

Willy-N    Posted 09-25-2003 at 15:07:59       [Reply]  [No Email]
I could be your assigned driver since I don't drink anymore sounds like fun. Mark H. US Army Vietnam

Brian-2N    Posted 09-25-2003 at 14:08:07       [Reply]  [Send Email]
You're a true patriot.

Cindi    Posted 09-25-2003 at 14:40:05       [Reply]  [No Email]
You can't help but admire that kind of loyalty.

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