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Who says public schools ain't workin
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Franz    Posted 09-25-2001 at 09:36:53       [Reply]  [Send Email]
This is a compilation of actual student test answers.

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot.
The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live

2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of
Bible, Guinessis,
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made
which is bread made without any ingredients.
Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments.
He died before he ever reached Canada.

4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
have history.
The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that

7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits,
threw the java.

9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people
because they never stayed in one place for very long.

10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul.
The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be
Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing
fiddle to them.

12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.
Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the

13. In midevil times most people were alliterate.
The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many
poems and
verses and also wrote literature.

14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an
apple while standing on his son's head.

15. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a
When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

16. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg
invented removable type and the Bible. Another important
invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a
historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.
And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare.
He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday.
He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays.
He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic
Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet.
Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

18. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes.
He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton.
Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise

19. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus
was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about
the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa

20. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called
The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers.
Many people died and many babies were born.
Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put
tacks in
their tea.
Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without
Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis.
Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress.
Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of
the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity
by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided
against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

22. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to
secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people
enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

23. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. His
mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he
built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
signing the Emasculation Proclamation.

24. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time.
Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.

25. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly
noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

26. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a
large number of children. In between he practiced on an old
spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the
Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel.
Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very

27. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf
he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when
everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died

28. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and
catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his
power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any

29. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British
Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.

30. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63
She was a moral woman who practiced virtue.
Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

31. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine.
The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.
Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a
hundred men.

32. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis.
Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species.
Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx

33. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by
ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.


ken    Posted 02-26-2004 at 01:49:15       [Reply]  [Send Email]
You Wrote:
"23. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. His
mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he
built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by
signing the Emasculation Proclamation."

This proclamation freed no one. It only applied to Southern States, which has already successfully, legally, and constitutionally succeeded from the Union and were a Sovereign nation. President Lincoln had no authority to pass laws for another country. Of course, the southern states were forced against their will back into a union that they did not want to be a part of (so much for freedom), and then the only slaves were in the Northern States. Yes, that's right, however, they were called endentured servants in the North. Abraham Lincoln was a racist and bad president.

Jerry B    Posted 09-25-2001 at 19:42:36       [Reply]  [No Email]
My wife and I both teach school and we laughed so hard at this. These kids write this stuff and they just KNOW they are writting true and correct information. When they come back and look at it 2 or 3 days later and try to read what they wrote, you should see the puzzled looks on their faces. They can't believe they wrote something like that. That's why I tell my students to wait a few days and come back to it. The errors will practicaly slap them in the face.

We can sit and tell them what to write but that would be cheating. And I for one do not intend to cheat; to help me or anyone else. Besides, the writings would be my work, not theirs, and I have had work copy writed by some one else that I and my fellow teachers worked several days on. But I am rambling here.

Oh well..back to the subject......

What we have to realize here is that these 30 some answers were gleaned from some 30 million papers that were read and graded. Thirty answers that were so wrong as to be funny out of 30+million papers sounds like a very good return on our investment. Every one knows that people have bad days and days when things don't go right. Not making excuses, but I don't think these kids were having a good day.( but then again maybe they were :))

But aside from this, I am taken aback by answers from the first several questions. WHAT IS PUBLIC SCHOOL DOING TEACHING THE BIBLE? Somewhere in the not too distant past that became illegal. Unless of course these answers are from some church based school and if so what does that say about the caliber of either the student, the teacher or both?

Not that I am against religion in the schools mind you, BUT, equal time has to be given to all forms of religion and I don't want to set and listen to the teachings of some off-the-wall madman in order to teach or learn about Christianity. It ain't worth the hassles, headaches, heartaches. Not to mention the irrate parents who do not want there kids exposed to ANY religion what so ever. ( I guess they will get an education when the warden slams the door behind them on the way in for 25 to life.)

oh well......that's why they pay us teachers the big bucks I guess.

Phyllis    Posted 09-25-2001 at 17:39:36       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I think instead of 'public' school system, the more correct term would be 'FEDERAL' school system.

Phyllis    Posted 09-25-2001 at 12:21:49       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I don't think I'll be able to respond because of all the tears from laughing. Problem is, it really isn't funny, if it's true!

blah blah blah    Posted 09-25-2001 at 16:26:58       [Reply]  [No Email]
I teach in the public school system and I can tell you that it is very possible to get such answers. I can also sit down with a student, tell him word for word what to write, and still get answers that make absolutely no sense what-so-ever. Parents need to get involved with their children's education and not leave their entire raising to a public institution. I'm not going to sign this because I'm sure that there will be a huge backlash.

Alvin-Va    Posted 09-27-2001 at 18:36:40       [Reply]  [No Email]
No backlash here,I see it every time I go out.I noticed a bumper sticker last night that made me think of this post.
It read.


Les...fortunate    Posted 09-25-2001 at 17:12:24       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Ain't no backlash here, blah blah, because I know what you say is true. Also true is what Phyllis says because the MOST involved parents have done what she did and I admire them for their sacrifice. Lots of homeschool families in my church. Nicest kids you'd ever meet anywhere. And I still believe you can get educated in the public schools, most of them around here anyway. Way too much has been asked of public school teachers in recent years IMNSHO.
Don't fear to post your name and even email addr. I do it every time I post. Haven't been burned yet.

Dreamweaver    Posted 09-25-2001 at 17:05:34       [Reply]  [No Email]
AND...........I WAS AND STILL AM involved in both my daughters' educations. One is now a Freshman at UNC, and the other is a very smart little 7th grader. I'm extremely proud of them both, and wonder where on earth they inherited their intelligence from.

phyllis    Posted 09-25-2001 at 16:36:55       [Reply]  [Send Email]
We DID get involved in our son's education. We homeschooled for years and years. When he got to high school, we put him in a private school, and now, he is in the public school here, a year ahead of his age, a Senior with a 3.4 grade average.

Burrhead    Posted 09-27-2001 at 13:16:34       [Reply]  [No Email]
Phyllis you did'nt keep that poor child home and make him learn something did you???

phyllis    Posted 09-27-2001 at 13:35:59       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Yep, I'm afraid we did. It dun him good though!

Burrhead    Posted 09-27-2001 at 18:48:52       [Reply]  [No Email]
10-4. How's your dad doing I have'nt heard lately.

Phyllis    Posted 09-27-2001 at 18:58:26       [Reply]  [Send Email]
He is doing great, Burrhead. He is not using his walker at all anymore, and uses a cane sometimes. Sometimes, he just walks with no help from anything, but if he's going very far, he either uses the cane, or hold's mom's hand. They came out here a week or so ago, but by the time he walked from the drive to the house (a LONG way out here), he was too tired to try going up the steps. We sat outside and had a good visit, and he shot that old pistol that he fixed for me to shoot snakes with. It was the first time he'd done that since before last Christmas! Last year, we had bought him a small chainsaw for Christmas. He'd been wanting one for a long time. Then, the week before, they had the wreck, and he was in the hospital. So, he's not using it. This time, for Christmas, I have been searching around, and found him an OLD newspaper from 1795. He is going to LOVE IT!!!

Burrhead    Posted 09-27-2001 at 19:48:39       [Reply]  [No Email]
That sounds really good about Dad. It takes alots of time to build up his strength again.

How much was taters on sale for at Piggly Wiggly in your paper you got him???

phyllis    Posted 09-27-2001 at 19:54:16       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I am waiting for it to arrive. I can't imagine a paper that old and what all might be in it. It is supposed to mention George Washington going to a theater or something. We'll see.

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