Posted 12-15-2003 at 13:21:44
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This is a cardinal sin but I'm gonna go for it anyway. One big training point with wallyweird is that you don't say bad things about them behind their backs once they hire you. I thought that was really kind of third grade behavior, but I guess they have their reasons. Since I didn't sign anything in blood though, I'm gonna risk it.
It's the management dam it.
At least in our store, it has become very clear that in order to progress through the ranks, you must be willing to kiss behind. Long, often and enthusiastically, which makes me extremely glad that for me, this is only a job and not a career choice. I have difficulty kissing sticky babies, so imagine my aversion to THIS practice.
Some folks are better at it than others, which in the end, puts them in a position of authority long before they have the skills to go with the title. I'm not naming names, but last night, the current BOSS on call was a classic example of advancement by pucker.
The night crew is a motley bunch. We have
Cruella (who was off last night) we have
The Peeper (whom we have already discussed, the one who makes the Mexican girls cross themselves when he looks at them) then we have
The Toker (guess)
The Singer (a young man with a surprisingly good voice and a penchant for classic country music)
The Pseudo Boss (the one who follows the boss around and makes sure that no one steps out of line, apparently for the sheer joy of the occupation as she doesn't stand a snowball's chance in hades of becoming management because she has no pucker abilities).
The Lady of the Evening, who goes off with a different male employee every night at lunch time.
The Sleeper (a title that is shared by two, one who sneaks off to sleep and one who sleeps right out in the open and will fall asleep in the middle of a sentence and everybody wonders why he is still there)
The Narc (self explanitory...just don't do anything wrong in front of her)
The Prima Donna (who always dresses and makes herself up like she's walking down the runway carrying a bouquet and not down aisle eleven carrying a box of frozen french fries and doesn't want to handle anything heavier than three pounds because she might break a nail) and then we have...
The Professor (me) who uses ten dollar words and draws more blank, confused stares, than a urinal in the ladies room.
You've heard of The Thirteen Ghosts? We're The Thirteen Jokes.
I guess because I am willing, and have a good work ethic, I tend to draw more attention from the current management official and they seek me out when things go to he11 in a handcart and stuff needs to be done quickly and efficiently and the other characters in this nightly drama are off somewhere else maintaining their nicknames.
Last night she tracked me down no less than a dozen times.
"I need you to....when you get done with...after you finish...the four way in action alley needs to be straightened so after you...before you leave would you please..."
Due to a less than reliable memory, halfway through the night I grabbed a piece of scratch paper and started making notes. At lunch time I sought her out where she sat staring at a tuna fish sandwich in her office.
"I...uh...I don't know what you want me to do."
Her face turned a brilliant shade of red and she fidgeted with the wax paper that was wrapped around her sandwich.
"But I told you to (insert a few chores)"
"Well, yes, I know you did. That's the problem. If I may..."
I began reading from the list I had made. Her fidgeting went into overdrive as she began to get some idea of what the problem was. I stopped and she began to speak. I held up my hand, cleared my throat, gingerley turned the paper over and began reading the other side. She looked like she wanted to cry.
"I guess, what I need to know is which of these thirty some odd chores on the list are a priority as I am rapidly running out of time to get them done."
I left her with with her head on her desk and an abbreviated list of chores and went on my way. It a shame that it seems that ability is no longer a prerequisite to advancement. It's who you know and how far you are willing to debase yourself that determines how far you will go and frankly...that sucks.