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Math 101
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Spence    Posted 01-28-2004 at 06:17:38       [Reply]  [No Email]
>
> ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
> Smart man + smart woman = romance
> Smart man + dumb woman = affair
> Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
> Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
>
> OFFICE ARITHMETIC
> Smart boss + smart employee = profit
> Smart boss + dumb employee = production
> Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
> Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
>
> SHOPPING MATH
> A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
> A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
>
> GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
> A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
> A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
> A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
> A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>
> HAPPINESS
> To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
> To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
>
> LONGEVITY
> Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
>
> PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
> A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
> A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
>
> DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
> A woman has the last word in any argument.
> Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
>
> HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING
> YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
> Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me,"You're next." They stopped after I
> started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
>


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