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Country Discussion Topics
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Retirement woes
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Cranky woman    Posted 02-04-2004 at 06:29:44       [Reply]  [No Email]
Just wondering if other people (men and women) feel the same as I do since my partner retired. I am still working and will be for another couple of years. I get a little snarly when I start thinking about the fact that I am still doing most of the housework, cooking, cleanning, etc. while he gets to spend time out in the shop working on his favorite projects. When I get home at noon would it hurt to have soup/sandwich or something on the table - instead of me having to make it for both of us? Would it hurt for him to clean the floors once in a while so I don't have to spend the weekend doing that? Or do the laundry once in a while? I know it is his retirement but I think I should get some benefit from it too since I am still going off to work everyday! We both do the dinner dishes and occasionally he will wash up the breakfast or lunch ones when I have to leave a little early. Yes, I know, moan, groan, complain....but it is how I feel! What do you think?

Hal/WA    Posted 02-04-2004 at 18:11:54       [Reply]  [No Email]
My wife and I are now both retired, but I retired several years before she did. During the time she was working and I was home, I did almost ALL the housework--cleaning, washing, cooking and tending to the grandkids several days a week. There were times when I was having health problems (vertigo episodes) when my wife didn't think too much of what I decided we should eat, but she didn't complain too often. She had a physically and mentally demanding job that often had mandatory overtime that really wore her out.

Now that we are both retired, we share the housework, depending on what is going on and what we want and need to do at that time. But I don't think my wife has washed a floor or window since we got married many years ago, and seldom does any vacuuming or anything heavy.

We try to do a lot of things together and often help eachother with projects. We can and cook together all the time. I am not too interested in sewing and she is not too interested in mechanics, but if help is needed, I can depend on her and she knows I will probably do whatever she wants me to, even if I might grumble a little about some things.

Getting along in retirement can be challenging for some couples, but by TRYING to be agreeable to the other half, I think it works out great. These are, in many ways, the best times in our long marriage.

marlowe    Posted 02-04-2004 at 16:19:03       [Reply]  [No Email]
well i'm 54 and in the winter i don't do a lot my buss. is real slow in winter but wife works in a hosp. so i cook, clean,sweep, you name it i do it what the h is wrong with it only thing i don't do is dishes but thats what paper plates are for. i had 3 kid by the age of 24 and a wife that left so i know first hand what house work is like never had help and we all live a good life and am better for it. HAY GUYS HELP OUT.

Lazy Al    Posted 02-04-2004 at 10:29:36       [Reply]  [No Email]
Dear , I thought you weren't gonna tell all these folks on this site about that .
After all I did make you that bird feeder so you can go out and feed the birds didn't I ?

Jon(WI)    Posted 02-04-2004 at 10:01:18       [Reply]  [No Email]
Since both of you worked and your incomes went into the general funds to raise a family & keep a household, your husband in retirement should try to make your last working days as pleasant as possible. Just because he crossed the finish line first in a team effort, does not mean he should reap the benefits prior to your crossing. Making the bed in the morning, starting the car on cold days and making the coffee in the morning as well as general housework and dinner on the table when you return home is not unreasonable.

Gary In Co    Posted 02-04-2004 at 09:35:56       [Reply]  [No Email]
Received this as an e-mail the other day, thought it was pretty funny
> > Advice from Bob, About Women and Housekeeping
> >
> > Dear Friends,
> >
> > It is important for men to remember that as women grow older it
> > becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping

> > as they did when they were younger. When men notice this, they
> > should try not to
> > Let me relate how I handle the situation.
> >
> > When I got laid off from my consulting job and took "early
> > retirement"
> > March, it became necessary for Nancy to get a full-time job, both
> > for extra income and for the health benefits that we need. It was
> > shortly
> > she started working that I noticed that she was beginning to show
> > her
> >
> > I usually get home from fishing or hunting about the same time she
> > gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost

> > always
> > that she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts
> > supper. I
> > not to yell, instead I tell her to take her time and just wake me
> > when
> > finally does get supper on the table. She used to do the dishes as
> > soon as we finished eating. It is now not unusual for them to sit on

> > the
> > for several hours after supper. I do what I can by reminding her
> > several times each evening that they aren't cleaning themselves. I
> > know she appreciates this, as it does seem to help her get them done

> > before she goes to bed.
> >
> > Now that she is older she seems to get tired so much more quickly.
> > Our washer and dryer are in the basement. Sometimes she says she
> > just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big
> > issue of this. As long as she finishes up the laundry the next
> > evening I am willing to overlook it.
> >
> > Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the
> > Monday lodge meeting or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club or
> > to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling or something like that, I will
> > tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This
> > gives her a little more
> > to do some of those odds and ends things like shampooing the dog,
> > vacuuming or dusting.
> >
> > Also, if I have a really good day of fishing, this allows her to gut

> > and scale the fish at a more leisurely pace.
> >
> > Nancy is starting to complain a little occasionally. For example,
> > she
> > say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly
> > bills during her lunch hour. In spite of her complaining, I continue

> > to try to offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two
or even three
> > days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her
> > missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any, if you
> > know what I mean.
> >
> > When doing simple jobs she seems to think she needs more rest
> > periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished
> > mowing the yard.
> > try not to embarrass her when she needs these little extra rest
> > breaks.
> > tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed

> > lemonade and just sit for a while. I tell her that as long as she
> > is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me and take
> > her
> > by the hammock so she can talk with me until I fall asleep.
> >
> > I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Nancy
> > on a daily basis. I'm not saying that the ability to show this much
> > consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will
> > find
> > impossible. No one knows better than I do how frustrating women can

> > become as they get older.However, guys, even if you just yell at
> > your
> > a little less often because of this article, I will consider that
> > it was worthwhile.
> >
> > Signed, Bob
> >
> >
> > Bob's funeral was on Saturday, April 25th.
> >
> > Nancy was acquitted Monday, April 27th.

deadcarp    Posted 02-04-2004 at 08:47:16       [Reply]  [No Email]
retirement is quite a project and i've thought about it a long time. even considered writing a book once. so forgive me if i carry on some, cranky, this probably won't be short. in fact you might not like what i say but remember who asked :)

retirement seems real complex when you first look at it but like a huge machine, it consists of oodles of simple levers and vents and stuff that's pretty simple. so don't worry that it has a few squeaks and rattles, the main thing is it still runs and can be improved. usually all it takes is a shot of oil here and a little wrenching there, but there might be a few whiney panels that can only be kicked.

you start retirement just like any machine, by getting familiar with the parts. think about backgrounds, habits, upbringing, what everything might do and what each part does well.

similarly, you'll have to get rid of whatever doesn't work (old wives tales, rumors, stoopid notions, bad habits) and replace it with something better. fairness is always better, like it was before right? like half of it can't fix the other half right? like i can retire but you work forever right?

let me be blunt: there are men who've been spoiled for years, they've always gotten away with that crap so they feel it's okay to selfishly sit by a full trash can and whine about it right? they never thought about strolling into the wife's domain and propping their feet up. if they act like the whole place is now "their office", that might make it true! did they get away with that at work? there ya go - no wonder the company retired them! :) so cmon.
and the wimmmenfolks who have run rough-shod over the whole house for years, who got the kids up and washed and off to school, who got the lightbulbs changed and lived by the "too bad - we still need grocery money" motto will now have to understand that there's another stubborn taxpayer expecting recognition, another pair of boots in the hallway. and they're gonna stay there awhile.
oh and our family funds are still limited, despite inflation. :)

well all these little issues are there and they're either gonna have to be addressed and remedied or guys, you better build a real comfy doghouse cuz you'll be out there most of the time.
is this gonna be easy? not til you both learn how to run the thing. but since there are only 2 parties directly involved, the first rule of retirement is easy to remember: i think it's apparent that both parties have to bend right? how far? far enough to avoid killing each other, that's how far. this is your reward, these are the golden years so have fun. :)

Bob/Ont    Posted 02-04-2004 at 08:10:12       [Reply]  [Send Email]
Sometimes if you want things done right you have to do them yourself, Besides when he's out in the shop he's not messing up the house.
Later Bob

DOHHHHH!!!!!    Posted 02-04-2004 at 09:08:46       [Reply]  [No Email]
Yer gonna wish ya hadn't said that!!!

Open...    Posted 02-04-2004 at 08:07:00       [Reply]  [No Email]
up the communication line with him....a good talk is in order....keeping this resentment inside you will only result in the poor dog getting kicked in the butt fer no good if dat don't work...hire a maid and give him the bill....heh,heh.

Salmoneye    Posted 02-04-2004 at 07:15:13       [Reply]  [No Email]
I don't do dishes much...But laundry, some cleaning, stoke the fire, have lunch ready...That stuff us easy, so I do it...

I'd let her plow the driveway, but she hates to do it..And she is afraid of chainsaws...So I 'suffer' through that kind of stuff ;-)

Alias    Posted 02-04-2004 at 06:53:02       [Reply]  [No Email]
When we got married we discussed what role each of us would play. Jointly we decided that I'd do the heavy, and she would do the light work. But, sadly, I think she's smarter than I. Because now that we're both retired, I do dishes and laundry and cook and vacume and dust and mop and sweep and wash the car and clean the blinds and paint the porch and repair all plumbing & electrical problems and walk the dog and carry out the trash and till the earth and plant the garden and help can & freeze the veggies and bake and change the beds and shop. And, the HD (Honey do) list goes on and on. That's why I visit this site, it's my escape place.

The old timers used to have a word for guys like me, HENPECKED...........gfp

deadcarp    Posted 02-04-2004 at 08:58:12       [Reply]  [No Email]
why alias, i think i have a new respect for you! now there's a guy who's got it together gals! and i sure hope you hire out! don't show up over here before ten though - us old couples need our beauty rests - woodpile's over there and pay is same as mine - biscuits - lol

kraigWY    Posted 02-04-2004 at 06:39:08       [Reply]  [No Email]
Could be worse, you could have a husband like my wife. I saw a comerical where they made a cake and put the hole cake in the dishwasher to show it would clean anything. I just had to try that, It worked but I got caught. My wife saws following me around to find out what I'm gonna do next keeps her from getting anything done.

henrich Iowa    Posted 02-04-2004 at 06:57:23       [Reply]  [Send Email]
As we grow older, we tend to get a bit lazy and resort to believing that we can get it done tomorrow. Well, for those of you that haven't checked the obituaries today, most of those listed who have passed on are younger than you. You need to have your things in order!
I got laid-off on January 6th with no expected call back. I have spoiled my wife since that time. The evening meal is on the table when she gets home, dishes are done, laundry is done, I don't do windows! I clean her vehicle as well as mine about every other day (I have a heated garage with water and a drain, yes I live on a farm). I do this all in respect for her, she has stuck with me for 33 years through a lot of bad times when she could have walked and been further ahead, but she isn't that kind of a person. In doing this it all makes life a little easier for everyone in the household.

Ron,Ar    Posted 02-04-2004 at 07:42:16       [Reply]  [No Email]
Yep, its guys like you that give guys like me a bad name.

rhouston    Posted 02-04-2004 at 08:31:08       [Reply]  [No Email]
just wanna shoot em don'tcha

Messing up a good thing they are.

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