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To add your comments to this topic, click on one of the 'Reply' links below.

I'm defeated, moving back to town.
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ROB    Posted 02-06-2004 at 11:49:31       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I posted here about two years ago, explaining that I had bought some land in the country and was in process of building a house. My wife was throwing a fit about living in the country, (14 miles from a town of 25000). (wish she would have let me know this when we were getting married)

Well, most of you said she would come around and everything would be ok. Well she did'nt come around. This fall I'm going to put it up for sale. She just hates it and will never like it, even if she did like it I don't think she would admit it. I guess I finally had enough of her smart comments, and critisim.

So I guess the real reason I'm posting this is because I'm pissed, and I want some country people to tell me how dumb she is.

We have a new house, 14 miles from town, she has a good 4x4 car, and all the extras that make her life easier, and she still hates it. We have two children and that is why I'm giving up. If we get divorced they would end up living in town anyway, and I would'nt get to see them everyday.

So I'm throwing in the towel. After we get the place sold and a place in town I'm going to start looking for some more land to buy. I'll put a little shop out there and maybe I can have a few head of cattle again, but it won't be the same as living in the country.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.


cowlady    Posted 02-07-2004 at 09:46:55       [Reply]  [No Email]
When I met Cowman, I was wearing high heels, a 3-piece suit, and had a $90 hair do....Now I get excited about a new pair of Muck boots, levis that fit, and pink rubber bands for my pony tail!

We married and sold my "town" house (I about had a heart attack thinking I was losing the only thing I owned)

Moved to the farm, that first year I was scared to death everytime the wind rustled through the corn! But I soon learned that the only thing I lost was the stress, noise and city dirt.

My kids never hung on the street corner, because there was no street corner! I thank the Lord they took to this life and found Ag, FFA, and 4-H competitive enough to keep their interest.

...Anyway...Ron, my heart breaks for you. I hope you find happiness, and hope whatever you do or decide you can keep the best interests of your children at the top of the list.

Rob    Posted 02-07-2004 at 07:45:12       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I did'nt think there would be so many responses, thank you.

I'll try to answer some of the questions.

The boys are 4.5 and 1.5 years old, we have 1.5 miles of gravel to a paved highway that leads to town. I have the equipment to clear the driveway and gravel all the way to the highway,(which I have done the last couple of days). Her biggest complaint is she is lonely, she just "wants to look outside and see someone".

We had another talk last night and I told her exactly what many of you said, she still won't be happy when we move back to town, she disagrees of course.

My number one priority is my kids, and I'm a believer that kids need a dad around, so although divorce sounds good to me right now, I would never do that to my kids.

I hate living in the city, I grew up on a farm and then lived in cities for 13 years while going to college and starting my career. I always told her that as soon as possible I'm going to be living in the country again. This was no suprise to her.

I have bent over backward to try and make her happy in the country, and in town that will stop, and I'm sure things will come to a head.

I have tried to put myself in her shoes just to try and figure out where she is coming from, and it just doesn't make any sence. We lived in large cities when we were first married and it took 20 to 45 minutes to get to places, it takes 20 minutes max now. It just doesn't make any sence.

Thank you so much for all your comments, its nice to communicate with real country people.


sheila    Posted 02-07-2004 at 05:28:29       [Reply]  [No Email]
wow, i wish we had more acers here, been looking for more, im the one who wants more land so that i can get more animals,chickens, horses, cows, ect...... right now we only have 3 1/2 acers and have 2 dogs 2 horses 2 cats just not enough land. boy i think she will regreat moving, town is so busy!!!! so noisy!!! and country is so nice an quiet, i wish you the best..........

Mike    Posted 02-07-2004 at 04:29:19       [Reply]  [No Email]
Rob, how old are your kids? Most judges will honor the request of the kids if they are at least 10 years old. If the kids want to stay in the country you can get the kids and get rid of her. Win/win situation. Sorry for your problems.

TO35    Posted 02-07-2004 at 03:31:42       [Reply]  [No Email]
Rob....sorry to hear the move did'nt work out for you..Sorry even more to say that to me sounds like you won't be able to please her reguardless of where you live. Its sounds as though you went out of your way to provide for her, you should be proud...I wish you all the best and I hope things don't take a turn for the worse....
I don't think the move back to town is going to solve your problems...I was in the same situtation 20 years ago and because of my feelings for her I moved back to town..after two years we had both had enough and called it quits..I'm back on the farm and happier than ever the end happiness is the only answer...

wish you all the best...

Willy-N    Posted 02-06-2004 at 22:12:28       [Reply]  [No Email]
Another point. What is the reason for being in the middle of town anyway? Being right next door to the store, noisy streets, loud music from cars going by all the time, horns honking, more crime, loosing your parking space in front of your house, having to lock up everything, neibors 25 ft from you, comities telling you what you can and can't do with your place, is she afraid of the open space atound you? The only reason I could see being in town is if I had a health problem and needed to get to the doctors fast all the time or I could not drive anynore other wise I see no reason at all to put up with people walking in the middle of the night around my place at night or hanging out front for something to do. Mark H.

Newgen    Posted 02-06-2004 at 21:38:37       [Reply]  [No Email]
Rob, I'm not trying to be a smarta$$ here but if your area is anything like mine within a few years time the city will have closed that 14 mile gap and she'll be in town anyway! But seriously, I agree with the others who say moving to town would be like putting a bandaid on the situation. Good luck and keep us posted.

jimNCal    Posted 02-06-2004 at 20:54:20       [Reply]  [Send Email]
That's a hard one. Sure makes me feel even more lucky/glad to have the missus I have. About the only other thing I can say is to go along with the majority and suggest some heavy counseling. If she refuses to go, then you know moving wouldn't help any. I doubt your living location is gonna make any difference in a strong relationship. Sorry.


dave 50 8n    Posted 02-07-2004 at 00:03:00       [Reply]  [No Email]

Amen to the "good wife" comment.

Mine's a gem. I owe her so much.

Better work on planning her birthday dinner now.... =:-o

dave in Grass Valley, CA

jimNCal    Posted 02-07-2004 at 00:12:25       [Reply]  [No Email]
Yep. And gems are rare and precious things. Respect and caring goes both ways in our house. I still don't know what I ever could have done to make her look my way.
Tractor safe,
jim's your weather? Not much free water around the central valley lately.


dave 50 8n    Posted 02-07-2004 at 10:07:07       [Reply]  [No Email]
yep on the "gems!" I say I married a "valley" girl...a Grass Valley girl. They grow them good up here. :-)

Just got back from Fresno this week...Orange Cove, actually. Nice country down that way...real green, and the hills nearby were very interesting. Took a side trip on the way home to Auberry...relatives there.

We get some 65+/- inches of rain each year, up to 25 or so now. More to come!

dave 50 8n    Posted 02-06-2004 at 20:14:30       [Reply]  [No Email]

I'm sure you know that sarcasm is a tool of someone who's "powerless" to "fight back" with the intent to undercut and to harm.

Someone is frustrated.

You'll have to deal w/being sarcastic when you move back to town.

I think you guys need to sit down and talk out why you want what you want. "I want to move back to town because it's more convenient" is not a reason. It goes deeper than that, if you really want to deal with it.

Sounds like a power struggle in your own home, and obviously, there's more to this story that what we've heard here.

I wish you guys good luck in your marriage. I vote for a mediator for you guys, someone who understands human nature. You guys could use some professional help, and like Willie said, not every councelor is helpful...many are just idiot nutcases with agendas.

Good luck.

(wierd thought...would your wife be willing to post her reasons here?...she'd have to be ready to get flak.)

Dieselrider    Posted 02-06-2004 at 19:57:23       [Reply]  [No Email]
I agree with some of the others in that she won't be happy anyway. My wife has an employee like that, it doesn't matter what someone does, and everyone around her does things for her convenience, and she will b*tch about it- no matter what. Of course I think it's a female thing, you know you can't keep those women happy...Grinn, I know I'll pay for that. I really hope you can find some common ground for the two of you. You definately have a tough row to hoe. There is a book that you might want to read. I'm not sure who wrote it but the title is "The taming of the shrew". Good luck.

Willy-N    Posted 02-06-2004 at 19:30:38       [Reply]  [No Email]
Turn it around what if you hated living in the city? Would she do the same for you, I don't think so because she is making you move. This is a hard one. You mean she would divorse you if you do not move to town? 14 miles from town is not that far I live at least that far and it takes 15-20 mins to get to town. I belive you are going to sell out, move to town and still not happy and when she gets her new place she will dump you. Hate to say it but never met a couple that would get divorsed because of living 14 miles from town in a new home. I think you are on a one way street to a end of this mariage. Good luck I am not sure how to help you out. I never did any good with some over paid counsler either, who has problems of there own tell me how to solve mine. I ended up getting a new wife and have been very happy for the last 19 years now living in the country. I divorsed the one who only would live in the city and spent most of her time getting dressed up for the Mall while I was working. Mark H.

deadcarp    Posted 02-06-2004 at 19:23:33       [Reply]  [No Email]
sorry it's not working out rob - it often doesn't take much to sour a dream and once fault is found, the whole thing crumbles. we live in tourist country and you'd be surprised how many gorgeous cabins are merrily cleared, permitted, and built by couples who'd planned to retire there and had thought of everything. except the mosquitoes. :)

Hayman    Posted 02-06-2004 at 19:09:21       [Reply]  [No Email]
Maybe an acreage place on the city limits-then you can both enjoy

BOSS    Posted 02-06-2004 at 19:00:48       [Reply]  [No Email]
Hey, I remember you. Thats too bad. Good for you though for doing that for your wife. Your a good guy.

donna in w.v    Posted 02-06-2004 at 18:53:38       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I'm sorry for your situation but I'm afraid Bob is right .She sounds like she'll be misersble no matter where she is. How do the kids feel about living in the city? Seems to me what's best for them is the way to go. Isn't there someone who can talk to her. When I first move to this mountain I wasn't sure how I'd feel but the ladies in this town really worked to make me feel welcome. Is there no-one who can talk to her ,whose a disinteresed third party.

Bob    Posted 02-06-2004 at 12:30:53       [Reply]  [No Email]
I'll bet when you get her to town, she'll be just as unhappy. Her comments and criticisms tell me there are other problems with your marriage. Try to get her where she wants to be, and look out for your interests, and be prepared for the big "D", which I can foresee is coming.

(Been there, done that, that, and that to please her, can see the end coming myself.)

Paula    Posted 02-06-2004 at 12:21:32       [Reply]  [Send Email]
I think refusing to live 14miles out of town is ridiculous.
I mean what's the commute: 14miles up a steep dirt
road on the side of a chasm? I also find it
unreasonable that someone who purports to love you
would make you dump your dream - especially for a
lousy 14 miles!


steve19438    Posted 02-06-2004 at 12:05:12       [Reply]  [Send Email]
only 14 miles to town? i could understand the wife if you were truly isolated. don't take this wrong way but i think there is more to the situation than country living. have you guys tried a counselor?

Harrison    Posted 02-06-2004 at 20:34:57       [Reply]  [No Email]
I gotta go with Steve.Ain't nothing in the city gonna fix it for the two of you.Time you two really talked about what is best for your kids and set aside personal preferences.Country living is the best way to instill values, but it takes a family.

Ron,Ar    Posted 02-06-2004 at 19:25:14       [Reply]  [No Email]
I don't know about this "don't take this wrong way but i think there is more to the situation than country living'"
I had a place about 11 miles from town that sorta went the same way. We all called it "the trauma center". It was not a case of "if" we got stuck but "where will we get stuck today". It was on the back side of national forest land with no phone lines or water or gas. Just electricity which was down a lot. No neighbors and I was gone for days at a time. His situation sounds a little better but I guess I am saying his situation may actually be as bad as she makes it. I dunno tho, the trauma center still brings up a lot of hgh blood pressure memories.

toolman    Posted 02-06-2004 at 12:29:14       [Reply]  [No Email]
sorry but i think stevie might be onto something,thats really too bad i remember you telling us all about you moving an such, and how excited you were. id be devasted, best of luck and i hope things work out well for you.

Salmoneye    Posted 02-06-2004 at 11:58:00       [Reply]  [No Email]
I had a snappy answer right up to the part about the kids...

I spose beating her is out of the question?


Have you asked the kids how they feel?...If they want to stay, is there any hope of guilting 'her' into being 'the bigger man' for the sake of the kids???

Ron/PA    Posted 02-06-2004 at 11:53:14       [Reply]  [No Email]
For once I cannot think of one thing to say that would come out right.
Sorry you have to lose your dream. I'm sure happy to hear you make the committment to your kids.
Best of luck, and I can't even comment on your wife,, her thinking is foreign to everything I understand, 'course that isn't all that much.
Best of luck.

grma jo    Posted 02-06-2004 at 19:23:53       [Reply]  [Send Email]
its really sad when ones dreams dont match the dreams of there partner...

jeanette    Posted 02-07-2004 at 04:47:11       [Reply]  [No Email]
with all the scary stuff going on it the world, the decision to raise your kids in the country is a good one. i would not want to move back to town.

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